Sea Dreams.

I said I'd never die

if I could write that song.

Don't worry dear it won't be long.

 

I set my aim and I

launch those ships.

It won't be long now, 'til I finally quit.

 

I pray like a b*****d

inside myself,

without a thought of my dad at home.

 

It wont be long now,

just trust my aim.

The prodigal son hasn't changed.

 

The way back home is the one I forgot.

So I set my anchor

and wrestle flocks

of seagulls down to a haunted dock,

to fly me somewhere I thought I lost.

 

Without a name I'm sent below,

to feel the pressure of a thousand ghosts.

I am amazed

to say the least.

I'm still afraid to make the most.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Riley]

This is another one that is just maybe a little over my head. I get burnt out on trying to read and try to analyze poems, I do it so much in my college classes, that maybe I just struggle to do them for fun. Your a good writer, don't let me put you down, I'm just not a very good poetic analyzer. However, there was a nice flow to it.

[Riley]

Okay, well I'm sorry I offended you, you had sent me a read request, so I read it. There are plenty of poems on this site I enjoy and love to read, so just because I didn't say I thought your poem was the best ever, doesn't mean you should be a jerk about it. I didn't get the analogy, so for advanced poetry readers, they got it, but I didn't. I have read lots of poetry in college, and I had a hard time finding the deeper meaning in those, just because someone isn't capable of understanding your poetry, doesn't mean you should put them down. If you don't like what I have to say for comments, don't send me read requests and save both of us time! I could have read lots of other people's poetry, but I was doing you the favor since you sent me the request. That was just rude. If saying I enjoyed the flow isn't good enough for you, then you need to not have me review your work. Have a good day and happy writing.

[Ian H Morrison]

here wait a min. there is know need for that this young lady is at the start of her poetic journey she needs time to mature and gain confidence and that will not happen when there are people like you saying things like that. now i have looked at your poem and lets just see what i think shall we.Ok your meter is shot to bits there is know logical make-up to it it is sluggish and rather crude tbh as for the stanzas well as your meter is off it is pretty easy to assume that there is not a single stanza that is worthy of somone reading. It is all in all very poorly laid out you have not used any formal style of writeing poor poor. Know as you know now it is not very nice when somone who knowes a little bit more than you trys to intimidate somone who has less knowledge. Please go away now if you contact anyone else like the way you just have done i will report you and if you are in the uk i will report you for cyber bullying and trolling. goodbye

[Ian H Morrison]

just read what i have written and grow up simple

[dukovan]

Hey I'm reading all this and am really confused, I never replied to this particular comment. Mind telling me what was said? I may have been hacked.

[dukovan]

Ian you sound like your making an argument for the sake of pursuing a personal dislike of the commenter. Or trying to come to the rescue. I don't know what the other comments said, but if you're talkung about my meter I think its fine. If your talking about the LHSS's meter. He doesn't need it, for the most part he doesn't use it. Ever hear of Allen ginsberg? He rewrote the rules on meter and pushed poetry into a progressive and daring direction. No logic? That's objective, like everything.

[Riley]

Actually, I was kind of confused, and thought it was you at first that commented because most people don't comment on other peoples comments. There were a lot of cruse words, threatening (you don't want to make me mad) type of crap, and they were saying I was lazy for not giving you a better review, and my comments were directed as if it were you saying them to me because like I said thought it was you. I had said that I wasn't at high enough level to comprehend some poetry, and the guy went off the handle about it. Saying I'm lazy and what not. Said a bunch of stuff to Ian, saying F U and it was bad, but he's your friend, or I'm sure he can give you details. I just didn't appreciate the rudeness of it all. There was no reason to insult me to begin with. He felt it was criticism, not being rude. When you say I'm being lazy, that's being rude. Saying nicely, next time be braver and try harder. That's criticism.

[Kristallo]

This is haunting and brimming with metaphorical poignancy. I loved the metaphor to anchor's at dock in reference to your sinking heart, or sense of absolution. The theme of the sailor returning to sea one final time... very melancholic images you weave.

Without a name I'm sent below,
to feel the pressure of a thousand ghosts.
I am amazed
to say the least.
I'm still afraid to make the most.

Loved that part. You ended this perfectly, which I commend, i've always had trouble finding just the right ending for a piece. Thank you for sharing.

[trainwreck]

I love your pattern here. It's a bit different from your normal style; I think this is a really strong branch for you to explore. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I always love references to the prodigal son.

[Chris]

I'm still thinking on the content... I like the flow and the sense of intent.

[dukovan]

appreciate you stopping by.

[Chris]

Reading you is worth the time...

[dukovan]

Thanks Chris.

[eglantine]

did you mean wrestle instead of "restle"? You have a great grasp and natural ability to write very lyrically, something I am a bit jealous of. I'm trying to develope this skill. Amazing introduction line too.

[dukovan]

yeah the "W" sticks on my laptop. Thanks!