Floating.

Another lyrical. Tell me what you think.

I'm writing a book of possibilities,
of all the things penned
and how they all bend.

I fell asleep in the theater,
and dreamed of an alternate end.

Don't tell me to go if you don't mean it.
Did you mean what you said, that you didn't?

I rolled you home in a wheelchair.
I was spotted on the way.
I was worried what they'd say.

Your bodies asleep in a wheelchair,
you dream of going somewhere safe.

She said, "Don't let me go."
Although, I didn't know.

I'm in your veins,
floating down the river on our chariot crates.
Fading away,
from the last place you came.

It all blends in the end either way.

Reviews

[Riley]

One of your brain workers, but it has it's strengths. Some of the stanza that you say are always so strong, but makes others look really weak compared to what you could do. :)

[allie_arrowz]

i loved the second stanza! i don't like the 4th. i think it messes with the rhythm

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

"Don't tell me to go if you don't mean it.
Did you mean what you said, that you didn't?" I'm still all tangled up (in a good way) in this. It just seems to loop around in my mind. I don't write music so I'm lacking in really hearing it, but somehow I can - is that nuts or what?! The last 5 lines also stick with me....dreamy...and the end line is rather haunting and I can't exactly say why. Afraid my reviews are lacking for you...all I know is the feeling I get from your work and I like it.

[eglantine]

Second stanza is def my favorite--such an unusual feeling, especially the waking and slight disorientation trying to put everything back to reality, sorting out what is real and what is real only in your head.

[dukovan]

I feel like the images don't link up too well, think I should revise a little to make it all "blend" better?

[eglantine]

hmmmm the random "she" could be taken out or else make her a more prominant figure in the poem. Last stanza could be some image that blends the whole? hmmm somethin glike "the end blends and the brakes on this wheelchair are broken" idk... as for blending the images in the entirity, no, I don't think I'd like that. It would take away that half-conscience confusion dream/awake state.

[dukovan]

Thanks for the ideas. I agree! I love showing "glimpses" lately. I like to give my audience credit to fill in the in between spaces. Also its a song, and I feel a song needs to urgent, (or at least how I write it does) because I feel urgent, daily. Dreams are a huge place for my inspiration to write, and I'm left waking up in the morning with "glimpses" of imagry and need to find my own symbolism in them. It should be different memories or visuals from imagination for each reader, seeing that we all lead very different lives. Kind of like, "fill in the blank here" with your own personal story. I firmly believe with the right efforts we can all find ways to relate.

[dukovan]

but my biggest problem has always been "too abstract" so I'm trying to find that middle ground.

[eglantine]

there is a fine line between genius and insanity; I have erased this line - George Bernard Shaw

[joshua deathdealer]

This is brilliant. Your blended wordage is superb. I've been having this nightmare lately about mankind blending together as one race, one everything. Even to the point of having the same thought process. This poem took me to those images. Excellent work.

[dukovan]

that sounds like an intense nightmare, do you dream in sequence night by night?

[joshua deathdealer]

I been dreaming it off and on for a couple of months and it's usually the same dream all over instead of in sections.

[olla]

a book of possibilities.. wonderfully done.. all things do blend in the end..

[dukovan]

thanks a lot, yep its hard to keep track of all the possibilities and it can involve a lot of frustration regret and anticipation, I suppose the last line is coming to a peace with it all.

[Chris]

"Bend"-ing - I like that.

[dukovan]

It's what I find most interesting about lyrics. They seem to bend and mean many things at once, like moving gears. I'm not saying I can do that but its what i strive for.

[Chris]

it IS a good thing to strive for - anytime at all!