A Lesson In Psychosis

The depression comes on slow, like a predator stalking its prey,

Once it gets close enough it wraps around your mind like a snake and begins to constrict,

It Puts thoughts in your head that cause you pain,

It makes you hate yourself,

Suddenly sadness courses through your veins like a poison,

The sadness is the catalyst, it makes you weak.

It breaks down your resistance, your inner strength is stolen,

It makes you blind to any beauty, deaf to any words of comfort,

It makes you feel alone no matter how many loved ones surround you,

Then comes the psychosis down the path depression paved,

It is less subtle than the depression, it doesn't take it's time,

It finds your weak point and infects you like a virus,

First comes the confusion,

It becomes hard to make sense of the things going on around you,

Or the thoughts that are in your head,

It distorts them, changing your reality, your perceptions,

You will think that people are angry with you when they aren't

Hate you when they don't.

Making you feel even more alone.

It needs you to feel alone so that it can take control,

It needs you not to have the strength to resist,

Then come the voices,

At first just whispers here and there. Usually you can't make out the words,

But when you turn out the lights to go to sleep,

They'll whisper your name from some dark corner,

Calling out to you, letting you know they're coming.

Whispers become more distinct and turn into a voice,

Saying nasty evil things,

Things that hurt. Things that cut you deep,

Words that make you want to cry.

They are all lies but by now you can't tell the difference,

You are too far down and you're slipping further every second.

Voices turn to screams. Just blood curdling screaming in your head,

No words just screams, sometimes demonic sometimes the sound of someone being hurt,

Screams of anger, screams of pain, screams of terror,

The sound of other people's voice along with the screaming is like nails on a chalk board,

You can't follow what they are saying and the sound of their voice is agitating.

The shadows arrive shortly after that.

First the lesser ones, the creatures, crawling up the walls and hanging from the ceiling above you,

Laughing at you above your bed as you lay there frightened,

Forgetting this isn't real,

The walls distort they bend they move they melt,

And then he shows up.

Shadow man king of the shadow creatures creeping death standing at the foot of your bed,

Watching you. Telling you awful things worse than the whispers,

He knows you, your every thought, your every secret, everything that hurts you,

He is part of you and you are part of him,

A union that brings you pain and him delight,

He wants inside of you,

He wants to become you,

Part is not enough he wants to be the whole and so he tortures you,

Day and night keeps you from sleep fills you with terror,

Evil incarnate, his fingers turn to needles and he sticks them in your brain,

You lose control you lose the fight, you lose the war,

He gets in.

You are him and he is you,

You speak his words you think his thoughts, you become a disgusting awful creature,

Full of hate and misery. Insanity....god the insanity,

Your mind is gone along with you,

You are a mad man ranting and raving,

Just another lunatic who fell off the edge,

A psychotic under control of your own psychosis,

Sometimes you can't remember who you are..or were....even your name,

You are sucked into this merry go round of madness,

Thinking in circles, chasing your tail,

Trying to purge yourself of the shadow,

No one can reach you, you barely speak, just stare off at all the awful things you see trying not to scream in terror,

You keep it together and sit in silence like a stone, or a catatonic,

Eventually you find something inside you, something you lost,

Your soul.

You feed it you love it you try and focus on the good even when horror surrounds you,

Eventually you regain your strength and you cough that shadow b*****d out of you.

Purge the darkness, purge the insanity,

You come back to life as the psychosis retreats,

The experience stays with you for days sometimes weeks,

The memories of the horrible things you felt the words of venom you heard, the poison emotions you felt,

And you know its not over,

The madness will try again...it never gives up,

But then neither can you. Never stop fighting never lose hope,

And if you do don't let it last long,

Get through the pain and then get back up and keep fighting,

Psychosis never gets tired, never needs to rest, its always waiting for the right moment to strike,

So be ready but enjoy the beauty you can see again, the loving words you can hear,

No matter how hard things get, no matter how crazy you feel,

Love your life.