Mounds of Dirt

I have loved ever pet I every dog and cat that's been part of my family.

They WERE family. Not just pets.

When I was a boy we had a hundred pound gordon setter named Zack,

I would lay my head on his belly and feel my head rise and fall,

With each of his breaths,

He liked me there he never moved when we laid together on top of his dog house,

He had the softest black and golden brown fur,

He was a beautiful dog,

We used to pee together out in the yard and I thought that was fun.

He had been there since I was born. My mom had him back when she was single,

He lived until I was eleven or twelve.

I still remember every detail of the night he died,

His stomach had flipped and they could do surgery but he would probably die anyway,

They said we should put him down,

I went in to say goodbye and as sick as he was he tried to get up and come see me,

Jump off that metal table and let me pet him, but he just fell.

I told him goodbye and how much I loved him.

We took him home in a black trash bag,

My sweet Zack who I'd grown up with was never going to be around anymore,

I'd never pet him again.

It seemed impossible,

And I felt a hole in me like I'd never felt before.

I'd never have anyone I love die before this.

I did most of the digging of the grave,

He was huge so it was like burying a person,

But I dug all day and hardly rested.

It was the only thing left I could do for the dog I loved so much.

After it was all said and done all the was left was a mound of dirt at the top of the yard.

 

Shortly after we got emmy a beautiful but hyper golden retriever,

She was so excited when she first met us she scared my sister and I,

But we all fell in love with her and brought her home,

Shortly after Emmy we got another dog who looked like a black wolf,

We named him Beethoven.

He was very sweet and he would lick you until you were soaked if you let him,

When sirens went by he would howl the most beautiful howl,

Like a wolf.

He and Emmy became close and we always thought of them as husband and wife,

They were rarely apart and you could tell they loved each other.

We'd take them for walks and Beethoven had colitis,

So while walking he would spin and yowl and s**t everywhere,

I felt bad for him because I knew it hurt but it was a pretty funny sight,

People would always stare and wonder what the hell that dog was doing,

He also had a bad habit of peeing on your leg if you stopped to talk to someone,

That was not my favorite habit of his,

I remember one time some kid on a bike came to see our dogs and Beethoven peed all over him,

Emmy was an escape artist and figured out how to open gates

So we'd have to go find them running the neighborhood in the car,

The loved riding in the car so when they saw us they came running,

Then we got a lab mix puppy I named Zack after old Zack,

I used to hold him and pet him while I laid on this giant shark pillow thing I had watching my black and white TV,

One nigh Zack crapped all over the floor in my room and my dad became furious and demanded I take him outside,

He locked the front door so me and my little lab puppy were standing out in the middle of winter,

Freezing with no way to get back in,

My mom let us back in eventually.

Zack got really big just like the first zack,

When he got excited he would jump up and down like tigger,

He could jump really high.

He had really bad hip dyspepsia though so we had to get a surgery done,

It took him a long time to recover and he couldn't walk for that time,

So we took my old Judo belt and helped him stand to take him out to go to the bathroom,

Eventually he recovered though and didn't seem to suffer anymore,

He had been hurting pretty bad before the surgery and if we hadn't done it he would have had to be put down soon,

 

Then came Gus. He was a medium sized dog and very tough,

A scrapper always ready to fight.

Unfortunately he didn't get along with Beethoven but he and Zack were tight,

One day Zack and Gus teamed up on Beethoven and hurt him pretty bad,

Beethoven held his own pretty well against two dogs but they got him down and he had to stitched up,

They never got along after that so we kept them separated,

Emmy with Beethoven and Gus with Zack,

 

One day Zack got sick,

He couldn't walk, he didn't eat and he didn't drink.

We had to help him out to go to the bathroom like when he had the surgery,

Eventually he gave us the look that he was done...he was ready.

So the next day we took him to the vet to be put down,

I remember seeing him laying there on that cold steel table,

He looked scared,

I just kept petting him and like the Zack before him told him how much I loved him and I'd miss him,

This time I told Zack if there's anything after death to please give me a sign,

They came in with that shot of pink liquid and I wanted to knock it out of her hand,

I wanted to take my dog and run away as fast and as far as I could,

Some place where he wasn't sick anymore, someplace he wasn't about to die,

But I just hugged him and felt him pass.

We got another trash bag with another loved one inside,

On the way home I believe I got the sign I asked for,

On the radio REM's song that goes  Its the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine played

Its probably played on the radio a thousand times and never meant anything to me,

But this time I fully believe with all my heart it was Zack speaking to me,

Telling me there is something more,

I dug this Zacks grave too because again it was all I could do for him now,

After we buried him all that was left of the dog I loved so much was a mound of dirt at the top of the yard,

Then Gus got sick,

He was bleeding from his eyes and nose and something was terribly wrong,

Mom said she was taking him to the vet in the morning,

I knew I'd never see him again,

So I sat on the back porch with him where he was laying unable to move,

I talked to him and told him how tough he was and how much I loved him and how sorry I was he was hurting,

I told him I wished I could take his pain away,

I dug his grave too. It was all I could do.

After the burial all that was left of the dog I loved so much was a mound of dirt at the top of the yard,

 

Then Beethoven got sick,

He just laid in the basement for over a week in misery,

I sat with him wishing there was something I could do,

I'd known him so long by now it was like he'd always been there,

I was a little kid when we got him,

Now I was a grown man with a kid of my own watching my dog die,

Slowly and painfully,

He didn't deserve that. It made me angry,

When we took him to the vet he almost died on the table,

His blood pressure was so low they could barely get the needle in the vein,

I petted my poor dog and told him I loved him and cried like I had every other time,

I said goodbye like every other time,

I watched his spirit leave his body like every other time,

We got a trash bag with a dog we loved inside it like every other time,

I dug the hole for Beethoven too it was the only thing I could do,

After he was burried all that was left of the dog I loved so much was a mound of dirt at the top of the yard

 

Emmy was alone after that. She was really old but still had spirit,

She'd just walk laps through the kitchen and living room as fast as she could over and over,

I don't know why but she seemed to enjoy it.

Then Emmy got sick I knew it was coming.

We put it off as long as we could,

Tried to wait until she told us she was ready as we had done with the rest,

One night she did.

She couldn't walk anymore so I put her on a piece of cardboard and slid her to the car,

I put her in and wrapped her in blankets, Trying to make her comfortable,

Emmy and I had been the closest of all four.

For many years I was her favorite and we were thick as thieves,

And now I was about to lose a dog I'd known the longest,

A child when we met and a man when death took her away,

So many years together....But never enough

They came in with that shot and again I wanted to take my dog somewhere else,

Make her well, save her from death, my poor sweet Emmy,

About to die on that god damned hard steel table,

I stroked her fur and I felt such dread, such sadness,

They gave her the shot and she passed.

I stepped outside while we waited for our trash bag,

A bus went by as I sobbed deep soul wrenching sobs for about five seconds,

And it stopped. I had no more tears.

Four dogs in a year, I had run dry,

I dug the hole for Emmy too. It was all I could do,

And after we buried her all that was left of the dog I loved so much was a mound of dirt at the top of the yard,

 

Last week Miss Cleo my favorite of all our cats died,

I know she hurt for a long time. Cancer I think.

She would yowl in pain at night,

She'd lost weight steadily but ate good.

She was so sweet and always knew if you were upset and would hop in your lap while you cried,

I know I have cried with her on many lonely nights,

Miss Cleo went natural in a nice soft place,

No cold steel table for her.

My mom watched her take her last breath I was asleep,

She left a void though. The house is not the same without her,

All the dogs and cats mourned her with us,

I could see it in their eyes,

Miss Cleo was the only cat who was nice to the dogs and they all liked her,

My mom dug Miss Cleo's grave because I was too sick too,

And when we buried her all that was left of the cat we loved so much was a mound of dirt at the top of the yard,

 

We have three new dogs and three cats who I love dearly,

I love to pet their fur like I did all the others,

They sit with me when I am sad,

They keep me company when I cry,

They are always excited to see me like its been years since they have,

They are my best friends and each a member of our family,

I love each and everyone of them,

They ease the pain of the worst day,

But those mounds of dirt at the top of the yard....They still break my heart