The Blooming Tree

The field stretched on as far as the eye can see like the ocean,

No crops were growing just bright green grass about the height of my ankle

The horizon met the field at what looked to be a million miles away, where a bright blue sky, clouds streaking across began

The only thing I saw was just up ahead, A tree, a small pond and what appeared to be the figure of a man.

I didn't know where I was, how I got here, If I i was dead, or dreaming,

Perhaps I'd had some kind of breakdown and drove out to the middle of nowhere without remembering,

Anything was possible but this didn't seem normal. Something was off,

And I wasn't wearing any shoes. I never leave the house without shoes,

I decided to walk up to the man standing under the tree who from here just seemed to be staring at the pond,"

"Hello"

"Hello"

"I'm Ryan whats your name?"

"Ryan"

"That's pretty weird it should be easy to remember though right?"

He didn't even crack a smile.

I was hoping whoever he was, wherever we were it might be nice to have some company,

Being in a strange place by yourself is never a good situation

And this place was nothing if not strange,

It was the stillest place I'd ever been. There had not been even the slightest breeze since he got here,

Yet the clouds raced across the sky faster than I'd ever seen

The sun shone bright but I couldn't find it in the sky. The light just came from nowhere but everywhere,

I didn't hear or see any birds, squirrels, or rabbits,

There were no wild flowers growing in the grass of this massive field,

Not as far as I could see, It was more like this perfect carpet made to look like grass,

The tree was the most beautiful tree I had ever seen it was the one from my vision,

I was afraid I'd never see it again, the one I wasn't even sure was real,

Yet here it stood even fuller and greener than I'd seen it before,

Just as before for some unknown reason, there were rose buds blooming throughout the entire tree,

They were all blooming over and over again and instead of wilting drying up, turning, brown and dying,

The tree just sucked them back in to feed it life and so they bloomed over and over again throughout this giant tree,

They would probably keep blooming forever, it was somehow free of the grip of death....Immortal

I was bigger now, but this was the tree from my vision,

Maybe this is it's home,

The tree towered over the small pond right next to it. It's wasn't big but it wasn't small,

The most interesting thing about this pond was the water,

The waster was crystal clear. As clear as if you bought  it in a bottle.

You could see all the way to the bottom,

There was not a single fish swimming in the whole pond,

Just clear water and some plant life,

No moss grew along the top but there were Lilly pads holding giant flowers just floating on the surface motionless

Again he heard no frogs saw no snakes, not even a water bug on the surface of the water,

Just p***y willow standing tall and still surrounding the opposite half of the pond, still brown tops like early spring,

This place was familiar but I couldn't tell how. I knew I'd never been here,

But the way it felt was very familiar, very close to me but I don't understand how.

It was like this place was alive and I knew it well,

Maybe this is a dream I've had before but I don' think so.

This man standing next to me that barely spoke,

I had never met him but I knew him too,

I knew his voice though I'd never heard it before,

I knew his face though I'd never seen it before,

The way he carried himself, even his clothes was familiar, But I didn't know the man.

He wore a two piece grey suit, a red tie, dark brown polished dress shoes,

I saw a pocket watch hanging from his suit coat pocket. I knew nothing about watches but it looked like a nice one,

He was clean cut with a short goatee and a well trimmed mustache.

His hair was black and had been gelled and combed back and his sideburns were short and neat,

Unlike me. I had on baggy shorts I had to wear a belt to keep up because I'd lost so much weight,

A Nirvana shirt with that said Sliver across the back. I love that song.

My hair was getting pretty shaggy and could probably use a wash,

I had meant to shave but I forgot to charge the razor and would up having to use scissors and a pink disposable razor on half my face,

I suppose it looked okay considering the circumstances,

And as I said my shoes were gone. I didn't like not having my shoes it was nagging at me.

"Quit worrying about your stupid shoes. They are just shoes if you really needed them you'd have been born wearing them,"

Hearing the man speak after we'd stood in silence so long as I tried to make sense of my surrounding surprised me.

And how the hell did he know I was thinking about my shoes?

"I wasn't worrying about my shoes. I just would prefer to have them"

"For what?""

"to protect my feet. The same reason anyone wears shoes."

"Your feet don't need protecting from anything here."

"You're wearing shoes."

"It would certainly appear that way wouldn't it?"

"Well why do you get shoes?"

"They looked good with the suit.'

He bent over and picked up a rock and skipped it across the pond.

It skipped five or six times before going under, Then he did it several more times each time getting it to go about the same distance each time,

So I did the only reasonable thing to do,

I joined him. Two men seemingly strangers in a strange place skipped rock across a strange crystal  pond,

Underneath a strange blooming tree,

In the middle of a strange seemingly endless field of grass,

All overlooked by a strange blue sky with an invisible sun and clouds racing across like a movie in fast forward,

It was all quite strange....

Skipping rocks with this man reminded me of my son,

The time we spent at our favorite park,

That park is my favorite place in the world,

Overgrown, empty, abandoned, secluded,

Surrounded by woods with a creek you cross by using an old cement bridge that's falling apart,

Still safe for now

I took my son there and he loves it as much as I do

You should see the excitement when I tell him we're going,

It makes him happy and there is no greater moment in life than to see your child happy,

Life is hard even for a kid and even then moments of happiness are hard to come by sometimes,

These moments should never be take for granted.

They are the reason we stay.

Those tiny moments of pure joy and love.

He calls it the park with the yucky bridge on account of the crappy bridge

He's called it that since he could speak.

To get to our destination we have to run through grass that's up to my upper thigh and past his waist.

We run because if it touches your bare skin it itches and burns like crazy,

Running doesn't help but we do it anyway,

By the time we get to the creek bed our legs are on fire but we ignore it,

There is serious business to be done,

We are two men on a mission and we will not to be deterred,

Burning legs.....What legs?

We don't even have legs.

We are men we don't need legs or pain receptors, We have come for a reason.

We have come to throw rocks in the creek,

Sometimes we throw it high in the sky and let it come down,

Sometimes directly into the water as hard as we can,

Sometimes we skip them.

We both understand the beauty of a big splash when rock hits water at speed,

Its all about the splash

Sometimes we joke and laugh,

Sometimes we have serious talks about life,

Sometimes we don't anything at all,

We always have a great time and it never get old

And when we have to leave I know we are already  both looking forward to our next visit.

Now I am doing the same thing with this guy. It's not the big splash my son and I love,

But it's still fun and for a moment I strop trying to make sense of something that makes no sense,

I just skip rocks and take in the unique beauty of this place, alien yet intimately familiar,

"Who are you?"

"That depends on who you are so the better question would be who are you?

"Oh Jesus are you one of those people who tries to impress by speaking in philosophical riddles?"

"Not unless you are. I AM you. A very small piece of you but you none the less. This whole place is you"

"I don't understand"

"We are standing in the universe of your soul all of this exists inside you....the tree from your visions a pond to throw rocks in with your son, vast empty fields far away from all the pavement you fear will one day cover the earth.

There is no pavement in you,

No congested highways,

No blaring horns or car alarms,

No corrupt government starting wars you can't prevent,

Here is where all your memories went that you thought you lost during ECT,

They became the sky, the grass the tree the pond, the clouds racing across the sky at breakneck speed,

Just like you always wanted to see.

Dreams, visions, the imagination, ideas, thoughts, hopes, outlooks....

They are more powerful than any of you realize,

You perception is your reality and if you learn to masterr your perceptions,

Then you have the skill to alter reality it's self.

You even created me to tell you the truths you already know but need to hear,

As I said I am you this is you.

Only a small part even thought this field is infinite.

You could walk forever and never reach the end,

This place is larger than you can comprehend

And still it is the equivalent to the size of Earth compared to the entire universe,

To what lives inside you. To what lives inside all of us."

"How did I get here and why am I here?"

"You didn't get here. You ARE here. This isn't a place it's a person disguised as one.

As for why you experiencing this it's because you need it."

I needed something,

Pancreatitis had taken over my life, pain was driving me mad,

Hospital rooms had become my new home

Loneliness and hallucinations my only company,

They took away my psych meds pushing me off the cliff of sanity,

Not only have I been sick and in unspeakable pain, I'd been repeatedly losing my mind,

When some one sees me go over the edge and plummet into that insane abyss,

They start looking at me differently. Even if they wanted to, they could never see me the same,

They have to believe that what just happened to me could never happen to them,

But it can. Anyone at any time can just snap one day,

They walk on egg shells and wont make eye contact,

They talk about me behind my back in whispers and hushed tones,

They watch my whole world come crashing down around me,

Watch that wild energy take hold as I lose the ability to communicate my thoughts,

They watch me sob because when its really all coming down,

When I can feel my heart breaking in my chest,

As the world becomes the saddest, loneliest, ugliest place I've ever seen.

Worse than I could ever imagine,

I don't cry. I cry at the end of a sad movie,

I sob. From the most inner deepest depths of my being,

When a person sobs it is such a powerful spiritual event,

It echoes through the universe until the end of time,

They will watch me though as myr life reaches what seems to be apocalyptic proportions.

Hunched over and alone sitting on the cold tile floor,

Head down on my knees and arms wrapped around my legs, just sobbing,

The pain in my heart seems to spread through my whole body....aching.

Earthquakes shake the foundation of my mind,

Tornadoes rip thoughts apart and throw them all around my head,

Hurricanes bring a downpour of hopelessness,

It comes at me so hard, so fast, so relentlessly,I  can't even stand,

Floods of thought and raw emotion will drown me if I can't tread water,

They see in myr eyes that I am dying inside,

See the sorrow in my tears,

Hear the anguish in my cries,

And just watch like heartless voyeurs.

"They aren't here why are you wasting your energy thinking about them?

What do you care what they think.

You got through it even though they just watched.

You didn't need their help.

You wont be sobbing here,

There is no edge to go over, no abyss to fall in.

You place importance on the wrong things sometimes,

You let fools get in your head.

Like you're dad. You have given so much energy to that man,

Beat yourself up, adopted his opinion of you as your own,

Always looking at the ground when you walk avoiding eye contact,

Speaking so softly you can barely be heard.

Your reflection is not something to be avoided,

Your head should be held high. Look those b******s dead in the eye,

They have no power over you, they're no better, their opinions don't matter,

Does this place look like something that could be created by a soul that was anything but beautiful?"

"I suppose not but I have a feeling I don't get to stay"

"Everything is temporary including our time here together.The end is an inescapable truth no matter where you hide"

"I feel like I am approaching the end now. I am afraid my illness is going to take me down. Maybe not but that's how it feels. Like creeping death"

"Maybe it is then, but remember you are this place,

You are the tree we are standing under that blooms forever,

Not a single rose bud ever dies, or even slightly wilts,

No matter how many times it blooms,

The red petals are just as bright and vibrant as the last time,

So even if this is an end its not THE end.

Just time for another bloom.

"I feel alone. Sometimes I feel like I just depress the few people who do talk to me,

I always feel terrible, sick and in pain,

I'm afraid I'm dying and I feel like if I don't talk to someone about this stuff I'll explode,

So it always comes out. Nobody understands though,

Most don't even want to talk about it,

And find an excuse to get off the phone promising to call soon,

But they never do,

I have my family and thank god for them,

If it weren't for them I'd be long dead,

So I am not alone

But I feel that I am,

And not having any really close friends left is a sad feeling,

The fact that women who pass me by on the street don't even look at me,

They look right thorough me,

I have become the apparition of a man,

Floating through the world silent and alone,

Just a ghost of what I used to be,

Sickness stole my masculinity,

Made me weak, undesirable, invisible,

It has been so long I've forgotten what a woman's touch is like,

Forgot what it's like to be looked at and wanted,

I've forgotten the pleasures of female  affection,

I chased and I chased and never got anywhere,

So one day I just stopped running,

Since that day I've walked alone in silence,

Nothing left to talk about and no one to discuss it with,

Just days of laying sick in bed staring at the wall,

Wondering how it all came to this,

How my life got so full of holes

Wondering how I let myself lose my manhood,

How did I let myself become an apparition in the world l I live in,

Ethereal in my own home.

I just feel lost. Like the whole world passed me by and left me in it's shadow,

Unable to communicate with anyone else,

Just a bunch of static and garbled voices."

"It happens to everyone. There are times in our life we must travel the path on our own,

There is pain we must endure without the comfort of another,

Things we can't talk about with many people,

There is always someone out there who understands,

A hand to hold

A person

Someone to hug,

A person to love,

They are just rare and so they are hard to find.

You just have too keep an open mind, an open heart, and open eyes.

We all become ghosts now and then, get lost in the pause between blooms,

It never lasts, few things do, the world is constantly shifting,

Morphing into an entirely different place.......Somewhere you can get strong and healthy again,

A place where your voice can be heard and nobody will stand idly by watching you fall apart,

Because you won't be falling apart, you wont be sobbing, you wont be hurting,

You will know love, you will know a woman's touch and affection again,

People won't be able to look through you anymore,

Because you aren't a ghost.

You are a man who can hold his head high,

A man who doesn't have to avoid his own reflection,

Because there is nothing wrong with you, no reason to be ashamed.

All the world will see you bloom and you will feel the rose bud expanding inside you,

Fear will leave you, purpose will find you,

Everything will change,

So let this world go. Let it die. It's a corpse rotting all around you,

Look at this place. This is you. Not the man you were even seconds ago,

Its time for a new bloom. A new start for the infinite cycle,

The merry go round of the universe,

Spinning, moving, living dying, giving birth,

Let it go set fire to it in your mind.

Destruction brings new life"

I watched it all burn inside me,

All the cars caught fire, skyscrapers burned, and came crashing to the ground,

Hospitals, with their electric beds, beeping IV's, and tiny rooms; they burned too,

The depressing bars I used to go to burned along with the jukebox full of that awful music.

Psych wards with locked doors and pompous doctors were engulfed in flame,

The whole world burned. Fire tore through the streets like a river of flame,

It burned hot, hotter than any fire before it and within minutes,

Only ash remained,

And so the world where I'd felt so much misery was gone and I saw a new one take its place.

This one was more like this field. I had never seen it before but it felt safe and familiar.

There was still a lot of ugly but here I saw the beauty hidden just beneath the surface,

Bringing balance to the world so you could keep your footing and not go over the edge,

So you could avoid the abyss.

I saw a place for me in this world, It didn't look so lonely,

I was glad this place was waiting for me but wasn't ready to go yet,

I turned to my better half to talk some more but he was gone,

Instead I am wearing the suit, dress shoes, and pocket watch.

Which of course the hands stood still on.

Not because it was broken but because there was no time here,

Just like there was no breeze or wild life,

What kind of credible universe created by your own soul would be under the rule of time?

It was a little disappointing he or I was gone.

Nothing is permanent,

So I sat under the tree of forever blooming roses,

And looked out at the endless green fields,

Perfectly still grass under a sky with clouds racing across it,

Closed my eyes,

And bloomed,

Never wilting,

Never turning brown, drying out and dying,

In a universe deep inside myself,

Just blooming over and over.

Reviews

[felioness]

Thanks for entering Ryan. The contest will be judged when the due date expires!

[afra]

great write ....type of a story ...well done