Morella

I lied in a bed that was not my own. In an all white room that was not mine either,

The room was tiny it made me claustrophobic,

Silence hung over the room like a thick fog,

It felt like time its self had come to a stop,

All I could hear was the sound of myself breathing,

The hum of the air conditioner, very old but still working,

And the machines they had me hooked to, keeping me alive.

The only company I have is the pain. Sharp burning stabbing,

Wave after wave, I feel like my organs are being pulled out with a rake,

Sometimes the pain is all there is,

It swallows up the room, the world outside the window, everything.

The whole universe ceases to be and there is only pain.

I squirm, I tense, I groan, I cry, I scream, I shake,

But it hangs on. Pounding away at me as if I was standing in a hurricane,

I want to escape anyway I can. Anything to make the pain stop,

Suicide becomes a serious consideration,

I look around, searching for a way to get the job done,

All I see in my tiny room is a couple of chairs and a window too thick to break,

What a sad pathetic sight, another sick person forgotten in some outdated room,

Drowning in pain fully prepared to die, no fear left, I'm just ready,

But no way to go. Trapped in this room, in this life, in this body,

A body that doesn't work anymore and it's screaming the only way it can,

Screaming through pain.

I close my eyes that burn from being open so long without rest,

And sleep finds me carrying me off into a dream.

The room is gone along with everything else in that awful place,

Even the pain. The only thing that came with me was the sickness,

I don't mind though it doesn't hurt. No more tubes, no more machines,

Its night time and I am driving in a place near my house,

Last I saw it it was torn up. Everything had been flattened,

Buildings bulldozed, roads ripped up, trees cut down and turned to mulch,

Nothing but dirt and remaining chunks of road and buildings,

Not tonight though,

Tonight there is a gas station. I have gone days without food and I want to eat,

The road twists and turns for no apparent reason, there is nothing else around,

I pull up to the gas station, there's not a soul around except for the woman at the register I see through the window,

She is beautiful. Long black hair soft brown skin, soft full lips big brown eyes and a perfect figure,

The most beautiful Indian woman I have ever seen like the woman I used to imagine when I heard stories of desert princesses,

An Indian goddess working the night shift at a gas station surrounded by blight,

I go in and say hello and try not to stare, try not to let my eyes give away my want,

I make my way to the sandwiches but the sickness takes hold,

I had forgotten it was there when I saw my desert princess,

But it took hold quickly and I went blind on one side,

I began to lose my balance and struggled to stay on my feet but eventually I fell,

I laid on the tile floor unable to move and blind in one eye,

Before I can call out for help she is at my side,

Her name was Morella and she was going to help me she said,

Her voice was soft and sweet, she was innocent and good,

She took my hand in hers and helped me to my feet,

She wore a blue green dress and white silk stockings,

She looked so beautiful. I wanted my body to work so I could talk to her,

I didn't want her to see me as pathetic, weak, or sickly,

I didn't want pitty. I didn't want to be a wounded animal she had to save,

I could tell she didn't though but sensed my insecurity,

She kissed me and said a sick man is still a man. Stay with me till you are well again,

She led me by the hand out to my truck and helped me in,

She drove us somewhere out in the middle of all that dirt and destruction and parked,

She held me and we kissed each others necks softly and slowly,

The warmth of her lips on my neck the wet of her tongue, 

The smell of her hair, the feeling of it as I ran my fingers through it,

The feeling of her arms around me, and being seen in her eyes the way I was,

Like no woman had looked at me in a very long time,

I saw my reflection in those eyes like none I had ever seen before,

In those eyes there was nothing wrong with me, I wasn't sick weak or pathetic,

In those eyes I lost myself and didn't have to worry about insecurities and inadequacies,

Because her eyes were the only ones that mattered,

Her kiss, her touch, her smell, her taste was all that mattered,

More potent than all that sickness, all that pain, just a distant memory now that I found Morella, 

That tiny room was merely a bad dream but she had been waiting by my bedside for me to awake,

I held her as she sang to me running her fingers up and down my arm,

I wasn't sick anymore. I didn't need to be in the passenger seat anymore,

She slid over and let me take the wheel.

She looked over at me and said "There you are"

I smiled at her and asked her where half joking

She just smiled back and pointed to her heart,

The only place I ever wanted to be again,

I took us back to the gas station and still not a soul was around,

What had been all dirt and gravel was covered in thick green grass

Morella led me to it and put her arms around me once more and I kissed her this time,

Our tongues danced each others mouths lips locked together around them,

I heard crickets chirping, birds singing as if the world was coming to life all around us,

We took off each others clothes our hands caressing the others body,

I closed my eyes a d memorized every curve of her body, every hair on her head, every soft moan she let out,

As we made passionate love in the grass under the light of the gas station sign,

I had never felt anything like what it was to be inside her,

To look into her eyes as her nails raked my back and see the same ecstasy I felt,

I saw the same prolonged orgasm on her face, heard in her voice, felt it in the rise and fall of her chest,

The sky lit up as she wrapped her legs around me pulling me in at climax,

Lighting racing through the heavens, through our bodies, through our eyes,

She kissed me again as if it were our last,

Little did I know that's because it was,

In all I had learned on this night I had forgotten something I had learned long ago,

Eventually you say goodbye to everything and everyone,

Even your dreams, Even the best dreams,

I opened my eyes

In a tiny little room I dreamed about once,

Empty except a few chairs a bed some machines and me,

The pain was back, the raking of my insides,

But it was nothing,

Compared to how bad it hurt to say goodbye to my desert princess,

My sweet soft loving Morella,

Off working the night shift at some gas station that only exists in my dreams,

Or perhaps I only exist in hers,

So maybe when the sun rise comes and she goes to sleep,

She will dream of me,

And we will find each other again,

Dream of me Morella

Dream this all away,

Dream me back to you,

Dream of a world where we never have to say goodbye.