The Skipping Record

The record skipped again, I am back where I was before, exactly where I don't want to be.

Back in the hospital standing in the middle of the hall,

There is an IV in my arm with a tube that runs to the machine that sits on a rolling coat rack,

What are they giving me? I feel strange. This all feels strange.

The fluorescent bulbs in the ceiling above me are flickering,

Light jumping from panel to panel up and down the hall in a chaotic fast paced pattern,

It hurt my eyes to look at it.

Where was everyone?

All the doors to the patient rooms were shut and I didn't see any nurses,

It must be early in the morning. The hospital is a ghost town at 4 AM.

That's why I stay up at night and sleep during the day.

For a few hours I have the entire floor to myself,

But I don't remember how I got here this time. I don't remember checking in,

I don't remember being sick.

But here I am standing in shorts and a hospital gown,

I don't even have socks on and my feet are freezing,

It's always cold in the hospital. I think they are preparing us for hell,

I think if there is a hell it's the coldest place you could ever imagine,

Sometimes if I stay too long in a hospital by myself I start to think I am in hell,

Damned to spend eternity in a tiny hospital room trying to get warm waiting for a visitor that never comes,

This hospital doesn't look familiar though this place is strange,

I call out......nothing

Then I hear something but I can't make it out,

It sounds like wheels. Lots and lots of wheels. And then I see them.

IV's tons of them all rolling toward me like a herd. Moving on their own in unison,

They surround me and stop. I stand frozen surrounded by IV's. Staring right though me without eyes,

One after the other they went off. That all too familiar beep of an IV in need of attention,

UPSTREAM OCCLUSION

DOWNSTREAM OCCLUSION

INFUSION COMPLETE

AIR IN TUBE

All screaming at once. Beeping so loud I couldn't form a thought and so I ran,

They gave chase come to life like the brooms of fantasia,

My IV got pulled out of my arm when I ran so blood was running down my arm staining my gown,

I felt drugged and sluggish though and didn't make it far before falling,

The IV's all descended onto me bending over and wrapping around me steel moving like a vine,

Beebing all the while. Screaming as loud as it can. A mechanical banshee

Everything went dark as they carried me down the hall the last thing I remember is the ceiling tiles flying by me as I floated in the air,

I awoke in a hospital room. First I hear the steady beep of a heart monitor. Its not screaming so I don't mind,

There is an oxygen monitor on my finger glowing red and all up and down my arms are covered in IV spots,

Some being used some not. Most have at least one tube running from them connecting to a bag or a machine,

Oxygen tube around my face and an IV on each side with several bags on each,

Still there is no one around. I drag myself and IV's out into the hall still wearing the same blood stained gown,

Now I see people walking around everywhere. Doctors, surgeon, nurses, patients, visitors, it was mid day everything is busy then,

I tried to get my nurse by paging. I was in pain and needed my medication.

No luck. I decided to go find her at the desk,

People walked past me and never once said hello,

Nobody acknowledged my existence at the nurses counter.

This was the same place as last night. Everything still feels wrong.

None of these people can see or here me,

I am still stuck with the IV's.

OPEN YOUR EYES

WAKE UP

THIS ISN'T REAL

OPEN YOUR EYES

I open my eyes

I'm still standing in the hall. I see the staff walking around though and some of the patient doors are open,

I tell a nurse I am lost and she brings me to my room,

There is a painting on the wall of a dirt path leading around a hill covered in trees,

I'd like to go there. Be on that path instead of in here.

The staff is cold and without compassion.

They think I am crazy. They don't want me there.

They make me feel like a freak. Mostly they don't come in.

Mostly I am alone. I am afraid I might really be crazy,

But if you are crazy how can you accurately judge if you are crazy or not.

I don't know who to ask.

There is nobody to ask.

Just the sound of the fan they gave me blowing in the corner.

This is hell. I am in a cold place waiting for a visit that never comes,

Left alone with my thoughts and a view of an entire world just out the window,

A world I can't be a part of,

Just 11 floors above me but I am in a different dimension all together,

I walk the halls to get out of my room when the walls start to close in,

I can feel the nurses eyes burning into me,

I can hear them gossip about the pschitso in room 1104,

They aren't talking as quietly as they think,

He hallucinates, he hears and sees things,

I tried to take his blood pressure and it was sky high because he was afraid of the IV's

We don't get paid enough for this stuff.

Pschitsos can hear....

I liked it better when they couldn't see me,

When I was a ghost in this world,

I should have kept my eyes closed,

I should have lived in the dream,

This is to sharp, to pointed raw and ugly,

I can't stand to see their faces with all the ugliness they hide behind them,

It turns my stomach makes me feel sick inside,

Made me out to be the town nutter to protect themselves.

Why didn't they just listen to me?

I open my eyes....

I am standing in the hall and all the doors are shut again and everyone is gone,

One door is still open and I hear someone crying inside,

That deep sobbing kind of cry when your very soul is crying with you,

I walk into the room and see the person crying is me.

I am sitting on my hospital bed hunched over with my face against my knees,

Sobbing alone.

I can see all my shadows hanging on the walls and draping from the ceiling,

The shadow man himself even hangs back tonight and is leaning against the wall arms crossed watching,

I sit down next to myself but I don't say anything,

I know what is wrong, I know why I am crying and I know there is nothing that can be said,

No words I or anyone else could say to this man to ease his burden.

I just sat there so he wasn't alone,

Nobody should have to cry alone unless they want to.

He never said a word just cried but I think he was glad I was there,

I open my eyes.....

I hear music off in the distance but I just lay there. I am getting sicker. Too weak to go off chasing sounds in the night,

The pain never stops no matter what I do,

The Doctors don't know what to do,

Tell me not to come back, they can't help me,

Mostly because they think I'm crazy,

I feel crazy now.

I feel sick,

I can't keep track of things, It's all melting together,

Tubes and, gowns, IV's that scream, people looking down their nose at me, no help, frustration, pills, shots, over and over like a song that wont end,

The pain....the god damned pain. How can it never let up? Never ease even a little?

Not without drugs.The line between patient and junkie gets blurry,

I don't care...let it ride.

I need relief.

I open my eyes....

I am in a hospital be yelling out in agony being pushed down the hallway really fast. The lights above me are blinding,

They shoot me full of drugs and relief comes on like a wave and I close my eyes.

I open my eyes......

I am afraid to close them again. Afraid to sleep. I've been up four days I am back in the hospital. I lost my mind and fell into a horrible place. Not sure which reality is which anymore. My thoughts aren't all there anymore. It's like someone turned my volume down. I am confused. Minutes are years, hours are seconds. I have to fall asleep....

I open my eyes.....

I am standing in the middle of the hallway in the hospital all the doors are shut and everyone's gone. I am hooked to an IV that is beeping and I can't figure out how to make it stop.

It's cold and all I have on is a gown that somehow got stained with blood and no socks,

It all seems familiar.

It reminds me of a song I heard somewhere.

I try to open my eye but they already are,

So I just stand there

Watching the lights flicker

Trapped on a skipping record.

Reviews

[felioness]

Very intense...on two levels for this reader. I have been in the hospital too often for my liking...I could relate. My brother was in for 63 days this spring....the machines drove him crazy. The IV he was hooked up to sounded like it said "don't drink coffee" saying it over and over... almost drove BOTH of us insane. The funny thing was I heard it say "don't drink the coffee...he said he heard it say something else but when I told him what I heard he could only hear that and then couldn't remember what he thought it was saying. previously...Weird. Hospitals are nightmarescapes....your write expressed that to a "T." Oh yeah, your grammar and spelling really does suk (ha! ha!) Loved it!!











those words...prior to my suggestion he heard another phrase. After my su I souned

[Baby Ricochet]

Awesome! Quite nightmareish indeed. The part about being surounded and chased by IV"S was reminisent of Alice in Wonder Land being chased by cards.