When You Tell Me You Love Me

When you tell me you love me a great sadness washes over me,

It penetrates my flesh,then, my muscle and bone and sinks into my soul,

It feels like you are having the worst day of your life,

Walking alone down the street kicking a rock in front of you as you go,

Trying to figure out what the point of it all is,

When suddenly an animated man a camera crew and a group of people come running up to you,

The man tells you you just won the lottery and they shove the camera in your face and hand you the microphone,

"Well how do you feel?!!!"

You tell them how bad things have been,

How you had lost all hope and were looking for a sign,

A point....to anything

And now this!

You smile the biggest smile you have ever smiled and a tear runs down your cheek,

Right at the camera

The people hand you a giant cardboard check and some balloons,

You go to the bank with new purpose in every step,

Things are gonna be different after today,

This is it

This is your new life

The one you dreamed of

You get to the bank and as it would go on a day like this,

There is no line,

Straight to the front

No wait,

Instant gratification,

You proudly hand them the check,

Grinning ear to ear.

I'd like to make a deposit please

"This isn't a check sir...this is just a piece of cardboard"

"It's worthless. I love those balloons though where did you get them?"

You sit on the side walk almost catatonic....watching people drive by in their cars.

Holding your giant cardboard piece of nothing and all those damned balloons everyone seems to be so fond of.

Then another man approaches you and hands you a letter

You open it and read what it says,

YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER COME CLAIM YOUR PRIZE AT........

You take the letter and the giant cardboard piece of nothing and stuff them into the trash can at the bank and set the whole thing on fire,

The flames leap out of the trash climb up the wall and begin to engulf the roof,

You sit back down in front of the bank watching people go by

Smiling and laughing

Singing along to the radio

Husbands and wives

Kids and dogs with their head out the window,

All having a great day.....a great life.

You have balloons.

You stand up and start walking and stand on the side walk.

Take a deep breath

You can taste the smoke of the burning bank

And step out in front of the semi barreling toward you holding all your f*****g balloons.

Down the street a child points to all the balloons floating up into the sky

"Look mommy balloons!"

"Yes I see baby someone must be having an AWFULLY good day!"

THAT is what it feels like when you tell me you love me.