Sunshine and Gloom

You grabbed my eyes froom across the room,

A smile across your face amoung the gloom,

I appoach nervously picking at my hospital braclet,

Took me more time than I hoped but I grabbed hold of my fear and faced it,

Nervously I studdered through a joke,

Hoping at the end I'd hear you laugh as long as I didn't choke,

You did and your mouth opend wide as you threw back your head,

Standing in front of you I looked down at my bandaged wrist and was glad I wasn't dead,

Hippie chick, flower power, 

All the peace and love I listened for hours,

I was your opposite angry and sad,

Told you all about my hallucinations and how I'd like to kill my dad,

Flowers on your sandals and a skirt that danced above the floor,

Mother earth herself speaking to me speaking of a secret door,

I told you about the shadow man who found me as a boy,

Followed me through time tourturing me all the way here like I was a toy,

I remember the first night you told me you loved me,

I loved you too but hadn't spoke it after all you had a husband at sea,

I remember we got together the night I was set  free,

You, your prick of a husband your aunt and me,

He kept cracking jokes about you, talking down to you I wanted to break my cue over his head,

But I said I needed a cigarette and you should come so I took you out back and started kissing you instead,

Tigh black dress guiding my hand up your frame,

Your tounge in my mouth I knew we were crossing a line and things woudn't be the same.

I saw you a few more ti es before he found out and took you away.

I just wandered around bottle in hand day after day,

I thought of my hippie woman, my flower child,

Sunshine on your lips and the way your skin would glow, and that hair all unkempt and wild,

Here and there after you left that man you'd show up I was always drunk out of my mind,

Within seconds I'd be in and you'd cry out in pleasure as our orgasms aligned,

Soon after you'd be gone and I'd crawl down back into the whiskey glass,

My life was filled with darkness but on the nights you came you left me with a little of your glow,

Eventually I got sick and had to sober up and where you had gone to I didn't know,

The years went on as they always do,

Sitting alone at night I often thought about you,

Your pretty dresses, loving demeanor,

Never judgemental never teased me for being a dreamer,

My time was winding down but knowing I'd leave behind someone like you made it all seem okay,

I wanted to see you again, see that smile that first grabbed me back at the ward,

It was so weird how you called me right before I hung myself with that extension chor d,

I was happy to hear your voice again I pulled that orange noose right off my neck and tossed it to the floor,

I may be dying but at least I was going to get to see you once more,

When I got there it was all wrong,

Pills and needles instead of a bong,

Grey pale skin instead of a glow,

What happened to you I asked....you didn't know

You were worse than I ever was with the drink,

Looking at you looking like death, I felt my heart sink,

Baby I dont have alot of time you got to get back to that sunshine,

I can't go and leave you like this I've always been your true love and you are mine,

Your hazy eyes looked at me then at the needle in the spoon,

So you want to get high since you'll be dead soon?

I was crushed this was all wrong you were so cold,

This was like no love story I'd ever been told,

The shadow was standing off in the corner of the room,

I could hear him laughing at our doom,

I held out my arm and you spiked my vein,

It washed away like the tide as the opiates hit my brain,

I love you 

I love you too

You lied next to me on the floor and looked into my eyes

"All that stuff I told you about the universal love and joy turned out to be lies,

Just for us baby....just for us....you put your hand in mine as our drugs consumed all thought,

All that hope I had held for you...well in that moment it all turned to rot,

The next day I went home and would return soon just as I said,

But as you know that kiss was our last because before I got back you were already dead,

I collected all your dope needles and spoon,

Thinking I could use them and see you soon,

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't give my life to what stole you away,

It doesn't deserve it. It's the reason I have these fake flowers for your grave today,

Lilies, you loved them till you ate one one day, the the smell always made you sick,

These aren't real they have no smell just the flower that you like. I hope you are happy with the pick,

Mother earth deep in the ground just doesn't seem right,

You should be at my side laying with me tonight,

If only I'd never let you leave one of those nights when all. I had to do was say stay,

If I had known I'd never had another drop so that I could just look after you,

I could have poured it all down the sink and we could start anew.

I wouldn't be sitting here without you crying,

And I wouldn't have to face each day knowing I'm dying.

They want me to try this experimental surgery, they say it could save my life,

But I turned them down not because I'm afraid to go under the knife,

But because today I've come to say goodbye and maybe see you soon,

I'm sick of shadows sick of day without you, sick of being such a loon,

So I bought a gun, a plot next to you and our headstone so move over,make room.

I know you'll like our headstone its gonna say 'Here lies Sunshine and Gloom'