Sara

I first laid eyes on Sara years ago,

My psychosis had gotten bad and they threatened to court order it if i didn't check in,

So I went to my least favorite place in the world,

The f*****g psych ward.

I was sitting on a blue couch,

She was at a table with other people talking away as she colored in some picture with markers,

She was in a long hippie looking skirt with all different colors and designs on it,

On her feet she wore sandals  but there was a flower where here big toe was,

Her hair was frizzy and wild. That was my favorite part....that wild f*****g hair,

Untamed...unbroken....it made her seem more alive than the rest of us.

I couldn't hear what she was saying but she was laughing and smiling and very animated.

I had to talk to this woman.

Not with all those people around....

But they didn't seem to be going anywhere.

So I just sat on my blue couch and watched her,

The hallucinations were intense.

The room would shift and bend and horrible things seemed to be happening everywhere,

Everything was being stretched and pulled and twisted in a thousand different directions,

Today the shadows were in charge... I was no longer holding the reigns

She never changed though....never contorted never even flickered.

She just kept talking and coloring it was the only sane thing I saw,

So I lost myself in the vision of this woman with the wild hair,

That is what brought me back....she was the last shred of sanity....a life jacket the universe tossed out to me.

Still too nervous to talk to her though...I gotta gather myself first....

At medication time I saw her walking toward me and quickly looked down,

She stopped and grabbed my arm and looked at my eye tattoo

She told me how much she liked it,

I told her it represented god to me,

I never tell a stranger that

After that we spoke all day every day

Her and her wild hair

Me and my gloomy out look

I wished I could talk to her all the time

I adored this wild haired woman with flowers on her toes,

She has a brighter out look. I like how she sees the world,

She balances me out.

Then one day they let her go home,

They said she was better so I had to say goodbye.

I hugged her the way you hug someone you love when you think its the last time you will ever hug them.

I didn't expect I'd see her again and felt really down.

Things would happen that Sara and I would have made a joke over and laughed about,

But nothing really seemed all that funny to me.

I just missed Sara

Then eventually let me out and my first night out of that place my phone rang.

It was Sara. Wanted me to hang out with her aunt her husband and herself.

I don't like strangers...this aunt and husband were not people I really wanted to see,

But to see Sara again it seemed a small price to pay.

Sara was wearing a tight black dress showing off her curves

And of course the wild hair.

I tried not to stare but her aunt and the husband seemed to be off in their own world

So I relaxed and looked all I wanted and talked to Sara.

Didn't care for her husband he talked to her like she was stupid

Sara is NOT stupid.

Or he made fun of her.

Mostly he just kept flapping his jaw and said nothing,

And her Aunt wasn't very friendly.

Sara was there so I didn't mind

I fell in love with Sara

I wanted to run away with her

Somewhere far away from all of it,

But the husband was not a fan and forbid any contact

I understood...still hated the guy but I understood

So for a year or two I'd hear from her every now and then when we could steal a moment,

Eventually she rid herself of the wretched man and moved back to the area,

And I got to see Sara again.

Not as often as I'd like but enough

Sara was back

Some people say its just psychosis

But certain people glow,

Sara glows there is magic inside of her

I hope she can see it too.

I spent the night where she stays now and I couldn't sleep

Insomnia...too many thoughts

So I just watched her sleep and she glowed like she does alot.

I wondered what she was dreaming that was causing her to shine so bright

It was pulsating all around her as she laid there sleeping

Then I started to hear its huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum and I fell right to sleep.

I always sleep good if Sara is around,

I don't feel sick anymore if she is around,

Or maybe I am just happy to see her and don't mind anymore.

Sara has gone from a complete mystery with wild hair to a friend to a woman I thought I was in love with, to a sex partner to friends to something beyond just a friend

A friendship that goes all the way to our soul.

Sara makes life a little nicer

If there was no sara the sun would be a little dimmer the blue color in the sky would be duller. The birds would have nothing to sing about nor the flowers a reasoon to bloom

Because Sara walks the earth I believe in magic

Beautifully flawed

like me

Sara has been in the deep end

She understands me.

If I am losing it succumbing to suicides soft but persistent whisper,

Sara is there. Five minutes and we are already laughing about something else all together

Sara seems to be able to make sense of the mess of wires that is my mind and usually says exactly what I needed to hear.

Sara helps me when nobody else can

I feel like our friendship is one sided and that even though she is good for me...

Am I good for her?

Maybe if I could show her how she glows inside me,

If I could find a way to show her magic to her

Then maybe I'd start to make up for all she does for me

Recently she did something I thought was dangerous

I lectured her....tried to sound like I knew what I was talking about

so maybe she would listen

Truth is I was terrified,

I though about a world that Sara wasn't in and that's a place I want nothing to do with

A place where I can't pick up the phone and hear her say hello?

A place where I can't tell her some stupid corny joke that only SHE would laugh at,

A world where that beautiful glow has been snuffed out.

No thank you

I love Sara in a way I have never loved anyone before.

Its more than a friend but its not romantic.

Maybe we are soulmates who don't f**k.

Whatever we are Sara makes life better,

Sara makes my heart feel full

Sara glows in a dark world,

I can depend on sara

I can trust Sara

I will be by her side no matter what

There is nothing she could do to drive me away,

Nothing she could do that I wouldn't forgive.

No I will not abandon Sara and I don't think she will abandon me either

The universe worked too hard to bring us together,

Only to let life pull us apart.

No as long as Sara wanders the earth you can find me not far in the distance

Looking after my dear friend Sara.