Beautifully Prisoned Self

 

As she looked around the cold, wet courtyard, she saw the destruction the demon had caused. She lay down on the damp, cemented ground and began to weep. She wept for her freedom, she wept at the destruction the demon had caused and she wept for the life she could have had if she had been strong enough to leave.

 

The demon she had so strongly kept at bay and who she thought loved her, refused to be controlled and managed to destroy all that was good in her life. She was tired of fighting, she was tired of failing and she was tired of being the only one to try to get through to the demon. She wanted to give up, let the demon take her but she couldn't. She could not let it win. With the small bit of determination that was still in her, she quickly pulled herself together, wiped away any dangling tears that were about to fall, stood up, and began her quest to vanish the demon that had taken her freedom away. 

 

She turned to the entrance of its cave and summoned it to come out. When it emerged, the demon had already returned to its regular form. Its face looked like hers, its eyes were filled with the endearing love of a parent, and its arms were open to greet its beloved child. However, at this final meeting, she would not be fooled. She understood what it was capable of but this time she would not let it trick her.  She looked directly at her demon’s eyes and forcefully said....

 

'I'm done'.

 

And with that her prison door came unlocked. She was no longer held captive by her possessor. She ran from her holding cell and shouted with elation as she praised the heavens. She had never felt so alive in her short lifetime.

 

She had unleashed the courage to live the life she deserved.

Author's Note

There are a lot of metaphors, I hope you understand them. Please review! I would love to hear your honesty

Reviews

[Austin Jolly]

This is a very deep story, very...imaginative. There's an underlying secret to this story, and it honestly left me thinking for a long time what it could have been.

I actually managed to put myself in the eyes of this girl. What she was feeling really hit me like a rock through a spiders web, that was incredible!

You are a very creative writer, i'm certainly keeping tabs for any more of your work!

Thank you for sharing this amazing work of art, you truly are talented!

I'll be waiting to read more from you :)

[wesleygirl]

Thank you so so much!! Wow! I wasn't expecting a review like this!! It really does mean a lot to me.

[Austin Jolly]

you have most certainly earned them young one :)

[Asante]

A divorce from the ghosts that were kept so close for so long-- this is a stellar piece of work. I enjoyed it from top to bottom. A short piece of hope for anyone going through struggles of, say, addiction or an abusive relationship, for example. Great job. Bravo. :)

[Kayja Symphious]

Love it! The way you describe the inner turmoil between doubt and self worth is impressive.

Great write wesleygirl.

[Emily]

I think this is a really interesting ideas, but there are a couple sticking points. For instance, there's a couple spots where something feels off and unrealistic, like when she goes into the cave from a courtyard and when she lies down on wet ground. In my mind, it's like saying "Wait. That's weird. why did this happen?" and it distances the reader, which is bad because you want the reader to relate and be involved in the story, and keep reading. Also, there was a repetition of the phrase "the destruction the demon had caused" and I don't know if that was intentional. If it wasn't consider rephrasing it because it looks like you ran out of something to say. Finally, why wouldn't the demon fight the MC when she called their relationship off? The ending feels rushed because of this. However, I'd love to see this more developed and and you've got a good sense of the character. :)

[Mila]

A very imaginative story, with a lot of lasting thought for the reader when it ends. You have a talent of drawing the reader in and we experience the story through the eyes of the character. That is a great talent to have as a writer, so bravo!
Well done!

-Mila

[Lizardo]

I have no words to describe this... this is beautifull, and I'm being honest.
An interesting story to read

[KeeD]

Very deep story of the will to survive, the perseverance and endurance to keep going. She is a freedom fighter and I see this story helping so many with its woven message inside.. saying never give up.. no matter what the situation is, your inner strength is never subdued

[Alex Boyd]

First thing first FREAKING AWESOME STORY!!!!!!!! Secondly deep and insightful the way you describe this girl pain is amazing and once she had the chance to taste freedom she didn't hesitate though afraid she still embrace. Gathering courage to be free and we as human must learn how to conquer our monsters this snippet of a story was food for thought. Because everyone has a monster, demon, or something that holding them back and keeping them form liberty. I was actually proud of her when she gain her own liberation two thumbs up for her. Excellent imagery, well written, and lastly the words just pops out and birth life of it's own... So yeah nice work

[Jen]

Wesleygirl, Your metaphors are fine. I think the demon is the man who tormented her..Well, the chapter is nice enough to impress the reader and i like the imagery shown - the horror pours out as the reader begins with the second paragraph.
Thank You for sharing your excellent piece here. Keep it up!

[BlankCypher]

I love this. Especially as demons tend to be one of my favourite topics when it comes to anything at all :D
Everything we do is fueled by the demons we hold in our minds, that's for sure.
The imagery was great and the narrative was really well written.
Overall a good read and I look forward to reading more!

[Justin]

that was really good!!!! it is something that you can build off, make a novel out of it, on what the girl goes through in life!!!!! keep it up :)