Chasm

Inspired by Tori Amos's song "China"

How can you be so far away, 

like a chasm between us. 

I see you on the other side of the couch, 

but your heart is somewhere else, 

where is it, 

I would follow, 

I would seek to rekindle that fire,

we was once knew. 

I would seek to bind myself back to you, 

those eyes familiar now belonging to a stranger. 

I would embrace you, 

take you, 

listen to your heart, 

feel your breathe in mine, 

but there is a chasm between,

the bridge destroyed long ago.

Author's Note

There are chasm's that separate us from those we love.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This one reminded me of a John Prine song, Linda's Gone to Mars, about the invisible distances between us. Great job.

[Dave W.]

Thank you very much

[Dryford Chimutu]

Dave, Chasm is one such piece that wouldn't allow even the lazy reader like me to go past it without getting captivated. I read each and every line stuck by the vivid imagery as you took me through the lost love and the wish-for a reclaim. I also liked the free style. I do my poems this way too. No syllable patterns of the tradition poetry.

I tried and ran it on one online counter here:
https://syllablecounter.net/count

8 How can you be so far away, (how can you be so far a-way)
6 like a chasm between us. (like a chasm be-tween us)
0
11 I see you on the other side of the couch, (i see you on the oth-er side of the couch)
7 but your heart is somewhere else, (but your heart is some-where else)
3 where is it, (where is it)
4 I would follow, (i would fol-low)
9 I would seek to rekindle that fire, (i would seek to re-kin-dle that fire)
4 we was once knew. (we was once knew)
0
10 I would seek to bind myself back to you, (i would seek to bind my-self back to you)
13 those eyes familiar now belonging to a stranger. (those eyes fa-mil-iar now be-long-ing to a strang-er)
0
5 I would embrace you, (i would em-brace you)
2 take you, (take you)
5 listen to your heart, (lis-ten to your heart)
5 feel your breathe in mine, (feel your breathe in mine)
7 but there is a chasm between, (but there is a chasm be-tween)
8 the bridge destroyed long ago. (the bridge destroyed long a-go)

[Dave W.]

This is a very impressive review, I sometimes do a traditional poem but I just love free so much better. I hope you have a great day and I don't deserve your kind words again thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[Dryford Chimutu]

The free style or form is newer than the formal one which strictly adheres to syllabic pattern form. When writing the free verse form I get my inspiration from the likes of Allen Ginsberg (Howl, for instance) and his fellow beat poets. Also, Alexander Pope, though he does adhere to syllables and prosody, I like him because of his long lines and extra multi-stanza style.

[Dave W.]

Never read Ginsberg but I will have to check him out.

[Gee]

L8 typo, breathe....breath

Yes, tis a shame when love dies, but for only one of the two in a relationship. Best just cutting ties as most often it's not worth the grief of trying to save that which cannot be:)
Good morning, enjoyed the read

[Dave W.]

Thank you Gee for the review. Matters of the heart can hurt so much.