As I was idly contemplating the vast intricacies of dust motes and the civilizations that dwell therein, i was interuppted by a rather loud and unwanted exclamation of surprise. i turned to my left, only to see ...nothing. shaking my head to clear the daze and hopefully shake loose any bits of lint obstructing my lenses, i turned again to my left, only to find...nothing. again.
it was at that moment a heavy hand fell onto my unexpecting right shoulder, effectively forcing from my mind a cavalcade of imagery ranging from serial killers weilding machetes to fluffy white bunny rabbits with abnormally sharp and pointed incisors.
something that resembled a shriek and the death gurgle of a keening feline escaped my throat as i spun towards the source of the hand and assumed the stance of a boxer who either has no clue what they're doing, or has just suffered severe brain damage from a blow to the head. maybe both. i can't be too sure, after all, with the threat of killer vampiric bunnies fresh in my mind, i hadn't much coherence to observe.
you can imagine my surprise and relief to find the hand belonged only to my dear friend Aloicious Defromage, who is not a violent furry rabbit, but merely a violent furry..thing. we're still not entirely sure what kind of "thing" he is, persay, but it's something.
In a series of articulate, gutteral sounds, Al proceeded to inform me that we had a situation on our hands, though what kind of situation it was, i noted, he conveniently left out.
utilizing a large box with a series of blinking lights and switches, I deftly flipped a number of the latter and with a loud clanking and whirring, the floor beneath us began to recede. a moment later we found ourselves falling into a long vertical tunnel much like the proverbial rabbit hole to wonderland, and as i attempted to regulate the feeling that my stomach was now miles behind us somewhere out in orbit, i realized i had left the keys to the vehicle in the freezer.
don't you hate it when that happens?
20 flights of stairs, 3 rounds of incomprehensible muttering, and a ham and cheese on sourdough sandwich later, and we were back in the tunnel. I still had no idea what the "situation" was, but at least now i had my keys.
we had only barely sat down in the state of the art Model T Ford time dispersion and irradication vehicle, when Al realized he needed to use the bathroom.
20 flights of stairs, 2 courtesy flushes and an aerosol spray of lilacs later, we were back in the vehicle. i had just begun idly contemplating our situation while the vehicles kool aid injection system warmed up, when i felt a heavy hand fall on my shoulder.
i turned to my right, but Al was busily fiddling with the radio stations and testing the passengers side brake to make sure it worked. good thing i'd remembered to have the thing disengaged.
Puzzled, i turned to my left, and thats when i saw it. it wasn't a hand at all.
as i turned my head all the way to see what the white furry paw was attached to, a squeak like that of straight man being goosed in a gay bar escaped me. two long furry ears twitched, and under a tiny pink wiggling nose, i saw a pair of razor sharp gleaming incisors bared. i screamed like afore mentioned man being giving a super wedgie while wearing a thong stuffed with ice cubes when i saw the machete.
as i screamed and sat in a spreading and warm pool of my own urine, i watched as a seething mass of bunnies erupted from the back seat, swinging machetes and gnashing their carrot blood spattered fangs at me.
as the mass of fluffy tails and pointiness ensconced us I heard Al opening his door and running. as i watched him run in circles, flailing and sending bunnies flying in all directions, i suddenly figured it out.
as the bunnies began to play jump rope with my intestinal track and Al huddled in a corner sobbing, it dawned on me.
we were definitly doomed. the ham in those sandwiches expired 2 weeks ago.
and as far as the rabbits are concerned, well, i should've seen it coming.
the moral of the story is: always use the bathroom BEFORE you get in the car. otherwise machete weilding flesh eating rabbits will tear out your innards
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