La Mer

collision of reality and daydream

when i dream, i see the ocean.

i see sparkling waves, cascading on golden sand. i smell the salty breeze, the scent of beach roses. i feel the warm sunlight on my skin, the silty sand beneath my toes. i hear the rustling palm fronds, the gentle breeze, the gulls calling.

in my dream, i am happy. the beauty of all that is around me is reflected in my soul, my very essence. it shines from me, from my smile, like a testament to all i have longed for. it is so strong i feel as though it might kill me, as though i might just burst like irridescent bubbles in a strong wind.

i wait for it to happen. expectant of the moment when my joy shatters like glass, and the darkness creeps in again.

i close my eyes.

when i open them, the sea is there, churning beneath me. the sun casts shimmers accross it, as gulls lazily sweep through the sunset. i'm watching the clouds drift crimson and gold, above the firey sea. the pier is warm beneath my feet as i lean over the railing. i try to catch the sunbeams playing over my skin. try to hold onto the warmth.

the railing is as warm as the sunbeams as i climb higher to reach them.

i'm hanging out over the sea now, toes curled around the rail. the breeze fans my hair into my eyes. as i reach up to push it away, the sun catchs my eye. balancing there, i stare as it makes its way into the sea. they're melting into each other, a drop of heat into liquid fire. the clouds hurry past, alighting as they creep near.

i can't feel the railing any more.

i watch as the sea rushes towards me. i wonder, but there isn't time.

the glimmering surface here masquerades a shallow shoreline. as i greet the water, i part with the future.

i'm numb as the tide escorts me toward the horizon, but i watch as it all drifts away.

the water shimmers like liquid fire, as the sun melts into it, the gulls cry, and the breeze is warm. the clouds drifting overhead tinge with crimsons and pinks as i start to drift.

the edges blur and sting as i fall beneath the waves.

there is no warmth here. no flowers, no sunsets, no calling birds.

as the sea swallows the sun, it swallows me, and in both worlds, it all fades to black.