SILENCE

The damaging effects of silence in a relationship

I opened my mouth but my voice fell asleep.
I screamed out loud but my words weren't heard.
I turned to call out on her but she was miles away.
It was painful cuz we were a thousand miles apart.
So far apart, she wasn't hearing my cry.
I lay sobbing on my bed, hoping I'ld get swallowed in my dream.
It came but brought forth fresh pains to my aching heart.
So painful that I lost my voice.
I lay silent on my bed, with no strength in my afflicted body.
Hoped she understood why, but she didn't.
She felt I didn't care, she felt I had replaced her.
No! I didn't,
I went silent because my voice was still asleep,
I couldn't stretch forth my hands, cuz I was still plagued in my body.
Now silence has turned to be the thousand miles separating us.
Keeping us far more apart than we were,
Becuse my voice is now deep asleep,
With no hope of it arising any soon.
Oh! How damaging silence could be, bringing pains instead of healing
But still i want to say,"I love you, I miss your smile".

Author's Note

Your constructive critism is highly welcomed

Reviews

[Isa Ruffatti]

Your poem is a pretty good poem, just how I'd imagine heartache to be (I still don't know). This poem, however, needs some grammar tweaking. When you say "my voice went asleep" it'd be "my voice fell asleep" and in "distances away", did you mean miles away? Also, you wrote mile when in context it should be miles. Also "I layed sobbing" would be "I lay sobbing" and in "silence could be" you could say is instead of could be. Keep writing!

[prince digbani]

Thanks for the review. I have taken note of the corrections

[armin]

wow you are a good writer the write was amazingly written with depth of intense words and need. The thought process it took is much appreciated.

I enjoyed the read.
armin. ...

[prince digbani]

Thanks so much

[prince digbani]

Glad you enjoyed it

[Laura Lynn]

It's helpful to know that people feel this way. Even if no one has felt this way about me, it does happen; and the greatness of having feelings or love reciprocated by a lover of one's own age is very wonderful of life. I wish that everyone could have this. Not the separation, but maybe we all need to experience that as well.

[prince digbani]

Its beauty to know and meet others that feels in the same manner as i do. Thanks for the review and your openess.

[MomzillaNC]

Lost love is a difficult thing to bear and distance does nothing to help us move on. Not having the words to make it better only adds to the pain aching in our hearts.

NOTES: This could use some minor tweaking for grammar

[prince digbani]

Thanks for the review. Made some changes.

[MomzillaNC]

Very well done. Your poem virtually sings now.