A Lesson in Life, A Gospel of Love

The following is a collection of my own personal lessons in life that I have learned and continue to learn.

 

The following is a collection of my own personal lessons in life that I have learned, am still learning, and will continue to learn.  I wrote it for me as much as I did for anyone. These are my thoughts, my beliefs. You’ll notice that I tend to ramble on and may even seem redundant. I challenge each and every one of you out there to read it. You may learn something yourself along the way. In any case, thanks for your time.

 

Well, people in general think that they know what they like and what they want and who they believe themselves to be. But in the end, those real people who are truly trying to find someone and not just another meaningless relationship based entirely on sex or greed or any other motive than a true and pure love are looking for the same thing. To find that person with compatibility, comfortability, and chemistry. To find that person that makes them think and helps them to develop and grow into a better, stronger person. A person who helps them to find the strength within themselves while at the same time making them feel wanted, needed, and loved and giving the same in return. But, there are requirements involved. You must truly love yourself before you can truly love others. You must be able to love someone for who they truly are and not what you think they are or wish them to be. You must be able to love unconditionally because the only perfect person I have ever known is Jesus Christ. Everyone else is flawed. To love unconditionally means accepting those flaws. Any relationship that is worth having takes effort, focus, constant reminders, and the occasional compromise. It also requires acceptance, love, trust, compatibility, courtesy (and chivalry is not dead, by the way), loyalty, constant two way communication, mutual respect, compassion, empathy, chemistry, romance, and not the least of which, daily expressions of love. These are the ingredients of a successful relationship. Some come into the relationship naturally, while others take time and effort to develop and grow. But it doesn’t have to be that hard. The first thing you have to remind yourself of is that communication is the key to it all. If you have a good two way communication and can talk about anything, even issues that you have with them, someone else, or even yourself and a partner willing to work out these issues, then you increase your relationship survival skills exponentially. But it’s not going to be easy all the time. If you really love someone, then the relationship is worth the effort. And like I said it doesn’t have to be that hard. To me, the cornerstones of a good loving relationship are acceptance which if you think about it really is love, because to accept someone means you love them for who they truly are. Compassion and empathy really go together to form in a nutshell, something called understanding. And tempered and combined with patience is yet another cornerstone. Trust and loyalty are kind of yin and yang, because one builds on the other, and one cannot exist without the other. The next cornerstone is comprised of mutual respect and common courtesy. That one is pretty self-explanatory, but important nonetheless. These cornerstones, properly strengthened and built on and around a solid base of love, compatibility, and responsibility form a solid foundation upon which a relationship can be built. Communication and affirmations of love are kind of like the mortar that helps fill in the cracks and help to solidify the relationship and hold it together.

I do believe that you must be friends for the relationship to endure, but great friends don’t necessarily make great lovers. And at the beginning, there is always that period of lust and chemistry, where you allow yourself to rush in blindly where angels fear to tread. We’ve all made that mistake myself included. It’s in the period after that when you start to see the other person for who they are and whether or not you can accept them for who they are, strengths and faults included. And never be ashamed to admit your mistakes or realize your problems, it’s part of the learning process, trust me. And don’t think you’re ever alone in this because every person at one time in their life has made mistakes when it comes to love. It’s part of being human. But we must learn from them and grow from them and learn to take that risk again, or what is the point of it all? And love is not bound to any set schedule or plan or even rules. The only rules I know of in love is that it must be given freely and unconditionally. If you do decide to take that chance you must communicate and at least try to work through any issues that come up. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance. And if someone is doing something that you feel needs to be discussed or dealt with, you must be able to point it out, because they may not even realize that they are doing it. This is a big one, because as far as I know Mind Reading 101 has never been passed by anyone! And you must be able to communicate clearly how it makes you feel. If that person truly loves you, then they will take the steps necessary to modify that behavior. You must be free to express your views and respect those of others even though you may not always agree with them, but you should not dismiss them. You must at all times communicate exactly how you feel in any situation. You will have disagreements and must be willing to agree to disagree, because the some of the greatest things in life don’t come easy! If the relationship is worth it, and you both truly love each other, then I believe you can both work through almost any issue and build a love and life that stands the test of time. Besides, love was never meant to be scheduled, organized, or even ruled. It just happens and most of the time it finds you not the other way around. You have to be open to receive it though.

And every once in a while, you need to take a long hard look at yourself and firstly, examine who you are, finding out why you are the way you are, and what got you to this point in your life. Then search yourself to find out who you want to be and what you truly want out of life and start seeking the steps that will lead you in that direction. It takes courage and strength to be that blunt and honest with yourself, but you’ll find that those come from within yourself as well. And believe me when I tell you this. We all fight depression! Everyone! So, never think that you are alone and no one can understand what you’re going through, because at one point or another, we’ve all been there. But you’ve got to pick yourself back up and keep on going! You have to talk about it! And surround yourself with positive thoughts, post them on your computer or around the house, leave notes to yourself. Once you start, then little by little, you’ll find that you will think more positively and crack the eggshell that contains the love you have inside of you. You have to love yourself, in order to truly love others. Another lesson I’ve learned the hard way. And you also have to be accepting of yourself and everything about you, including your flaws, in order to learn to see and accept others for who they are not what you expect them to be. That’s one of the biggest crimes people commit. Failing to meet someone else’s expectations. I’m not saying don’t have standards, but don’t always expect others to live up to your expectations. It’s cruel and unfair and life has enough of both. And sure in some way, we all want the fairytale happy ending romance, even guys. We want to be the knight in shining armor rescuing the damsel in distress. But, one, if you think that that perfect someone will rescue you and you’ll live happily ever after, then you are living in a fairytale. Two, a mistake people tend to make is that although we may have the best of intentions wanting to protect our significant other which is a very noble thing. But, it can lead to being overprotective. And you may end up hurting the very one you love because it may make them feel like they are being repressed or controlled. While we are on this subject, even in a relationship, there must remain an independence of separate identities. The person you fell in love with must be allowed to be themselves and to do whatever makes them happy. And be happy for them, always. When someone gives their love to you and shows you their love in even the smallest way, be thankful and be happy. And three, the secret is to make yourself happy so that when the right person does come along, then they’ll want to be part of your life and you to be a part of theirs. And the both of you will be able to contribute to the greater whole. I’m sure that you realize most of what I’m saying, maybe you just needed someone to tell you. And I realize I may have pissed some of you off by saying these things, but I hope you realize the truth in it. And that you realize that I have been where you have been and where you are and I am still struggling to learn these lessons Yet, I remain determined, not allowing them to defeat me, or keep me down and depressed, but learning from them and growing from them. I rely on the strength and courage and love that I know beyond any doubt are there inside of me, and never give up. Always take steps in the right direction that you know you need to go. Even if they are baby steps, it’s still a step in the right direction. The road is not meant to be easy or hard. It is just there, and it is a path of your own choosing. You have to make your own way and be happy with yourself. I f you’re not happy, find out from yourself what does make you happy, and enjoy life . If you’re always looking for happiness, how will you ever know when you find it? That goes for love too. You have to search inside yourself. Trust me, you’ll find it there. And when you do, integrate that happiness and love into your life and everything around you. And others will notice. Believe in yourself, and eventually others will believe in you too. And why shouldn’t you? God believes in you.

As far as the ingredients go, what I mean is that the relationship has to have all those qualities. Some you bring to the table, most of them develop over time, and some you learn after getting hit in the head with them so many times that you finally learn the lesson. I do believe communication is the key. And that usually has to be developed and grown during the relationship, maybe it‘s the mortar too, strengthening the relationship as it grows. But just knowing that you can really talk to someone and let them know how you feel is a great thing to itself. The other person may not completely understand , but that comes with time. And the more you learn and understand one another, the easier that communication will come. Loving unconditionally, then changing, is not loving unconditionally. And that is a problem. To love unconditionally, you work out whatever issues that come up. You work through it together. And every relationship will have issues. That’s just the way love goes. And don’t get me wrong , these are lessons I am still having to learn! But I guarantee you love is worth it and it will find you when you least expect it. But don’t always be looking for it. Concentrate on you and where and who you are and where and who you want to be and enjoy all the good things in life you have around you, taking nothing for granted. Still learning that too.

You have to keep your head up and your attitude positive, and something great will come your way. Be determined, yet realistic. But above all have faith in yourself, especially at times like these. I know it may be cliché to quote other people but you know what? I do not care if it is cliché or not, because true learning relies mostly on experience, whether you learn from your own or someone else’s. Only a true fool wouldn’t take advantage of the wisdom of others. That by the way is an original from me, although I’m sure someone somewhere at some point in time has thought and said the exact same thing. But the quote I was thinking about is from an as yet unknown source to me and it goes like this: “Adversity introduces a man to himself”. This applies to everybody not just a single gender. It’s the easy times that are dangerous because they lead us into complacency. Not that they aren’t meant to be enjoyed to their fullest potential. But, we find out who we really are and what we’re really made of in the tough times. And I am just as much a human being as anyone, with faults and flaws of my own, and I am not one who is always ready with the right thing to say. Sometimes, very much the opposite. But I am strong, I am happy, and I am learning, day by day. Sometimes I think I must have been born with a pretty thick skull, because there are times it takes me getting pounded repeatedly in the head to learn what I should, but at the very least, I try to keep an open mind. Thick skull, open mind. Because you never know when one of life’s lessons may present itself. Only a fool closes their mind to possibilities. These are just some of the lessons that I have learned and believe and now I’m sharing them with you. Thanks for listening to me on my soapbox. Hope I’ve provided some entertainment given some comfort or at the very least a pearl or two of wisdom. In any case it helps me to remind myself of what I’ve learned. And that was the real goal. If you can learn a thing or two from me, so much the better. Take care, self and take care of yourselves.