Alzheimers Avenue

I know nothing about poems..Just a Lame rhyming draft, thats it...And my first one...

Strolling down the Alzheimer lane
Must I be going insane
Rest of my life could be in vain
Break my heart, you know that will stain

Was crying and singing in the rain
The only way I know to flush all the strain
Along the plain, waiting for the train
To jump against and vaporize the pain..!!

Author's Note

Lame it is..But my first one, so suggestions plz..or an improved version?

Reviews

[Jazz]

I like the idea. It's quite personal for me because my great grandmother suffers from dementia, of which Alzheimer's is a part of. I think though that you've tried too hard to make it rhyme. It sounds a bit forced when read aloud. Sometimes free verse is better when you're trying to convey a message as strong as this. But poetry is all about practice so keep writing :)

[sushi]

very strong feel has been brought out. the frustration and bitterness towards living that could heavy the heart of stone has come out with a minimum words.


Break my heart, you know that will stain..

truly amazing...

Thanks for sharing...