midwesterners

 

 

 

I hate being stuck in the snow.

Does it really matter what time of day you go to the casino?

You stand as if frozen, admirable,

the undeserving, golden doors.

Then go home broke with no more

improvised position, than to sit on the

couch with the plastic covers and with

the tv off, or to lay on the dirty carpet,

adjectival to the wine spilled on Easter sunday.

But hearing the automated coin drop is

the similar ice-crystal cortex, minuet

adrenalized to your kidney walls

like eating the yellow, sugar cake slush.

So to loose is to watch the pretty, black

stocking legs of young beauties offering

free colas, so you think the world is fine

so you walk back home happy,

thru the snow.

Reviews

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

I adore this poem..it's my favorite of yours...there's a certain vulnerability and intensity. I like how it's framed; the snow description stays with you..I like how your character sees legs instead of faces..little subtle things like that to describe the impersonal satisfaction of a distraction. and the way you visualize the energy going through the body physiologically and it all morphs into the slush and the colas. My reviewing skills have gone to s**t from this hangover, which is my own fault..it's a great poem...you take an experience most people feel but don't really think about and carved it into an insanely beautiful masterpiece, much like with wanda's dog. it takes a lot of energy to read your work, and I don't mean energy as in it's complicated and it's hard, I mean as in it's always some heavy, heavy stuff...you use obscure words here and there but your thoughts are always put down clearly and with precision...and did I mention that it's heavy?

[caesarkreshen]

haha. smiled at this. Something about your poetry makes it fun to read.

There are different levels of chuckles and smirks as I go through it, but in the end I am always smiling. It seems that there is much information (and relevant, potent information), and it's very well-packed. Under couch cushion's per se ( to stay in the poem's theme.)

Your likes and as ifs are well placed. The reason I find this poem easier to digest and read is because it is shorter. It's very important to me to be able to look at the whole poem without scrolling if I want to go deep into it. Then I can view it as a singular thing. I don't have an amazing memory for math.

I like how it starts and ends with snow. Not sure who is laying on the carpet though. haha.

I feel like "but hearing..." through "slush" might go a bit more smoothly. I don't know what words are obstructing it, for me, but I do know that it's a great time for MINUET. Especially how minuet builds into kidney and then into sugar.

I think you know you are a talented writer, but I wonder if you know all of the little things that are going on and appreciate them. Maybe I am the only poet who spends a ton of time staring at his own work. At least, I offer that same stare to others and hope to show them things they forgot about.

Nice though.