Horny Ghost Married to A Sheep

Specifically? An old piece I wrote one day, it just came out of my brain. And it somehow flowed well enough, but as most perfectionists are, I feel it was unfinished, albeit I'll share it to be real

Each morning I wake up alone.

Especially if he's laying next to me.

The man I married acts strange, this is all new to me.

It just depresses me, and I wake up feeling upset, almost pist.

When I first highlighted my hair this year, afterwards we went grocery shopping.

We passed 3 girls, all with beautiful skin, black sleek hair, and pretty light eyes.

I LOVE beautiful people, they're allover where I live, it's has become commonplace for me.

I admire them from afar as if I am bashful, and I smile at almost everyone I meet eyes with.

My husband stares at them.  He never really talks with me in public, or at home for that matter.

He stares at everyone, and I can't help but notice it because we don't seem to be engaged in each

other.  I feel like an outsider when we are around each other, in our nest or in the world.

He stares at other women because he can, he says.

He also says he stares at other people too, and not to check them out, but because of their clothes

or to see what they're doing, like a people watcher.

I don't mind, but it seems like he has a problem mainly because he's never focused on what's happening

in our life together.  It seems like he'd rather be in his own world all the time.

When he constantly stares at a pretty woman, he does it so blatantly, so obvious, in public, it embarrasses me.

Like he has no control.

I've dated other men, boys even, and they've never been so obvious, in fact they didn't really pay attention to

other people.  They did things like joke about life with me, in grocery stores.

I guess what I'm saying is, they liked to be around me, and naturally showed it to be true, even though none of

them worked out in the end for various reasons.

And I just never noticed they did this natural instincts because well, I thought that's how all people acted in

public, in private, together, whether they were dating, friends, or married.

I guess I am wrong.

He barely talks to me.

He's always on the phone like a 16 year old girl.

When he's not, he's silent towards me and only speaks to ask what else we need there or to try and act

affectionate by biting me, which was only kinda cute in the beginning, but now just hurts, and seems

extremely rude.  As if I am only there when he feels like I am.

Ghost.

If there are people he might "slightly" know, he will walk right up to them in any place, and talk with them.

I have tried to point this difference out to him.

How he treats me vs. how he treats everyone else.

He then proceeds to tell me I am making everything up and am very immature and dramatic for my age.

This is very frustrating because I only want to share my feelings to try to improve things.

But it's overlooked and never matters.

F**K.

I carry on without him in these cases now. He will talk, and I will continue walking.

He thinks I am rude, I have an attitude, AND am extremely jealous.

All the time.........F**K.

I really wish that were the case because I could find a way to get over this feeling of being invisible, and

replace it with jealousy, s****y attitude and rudeness.

I don't find common interest with him very often, he doesn't seem to be my best friend.

We have never really talked about what I enjoy in life.

I don't know what he enjoys in life either, except that he loves to tell prank people.

It seems to me, that it's almost torture to talk to me even.

When we first met, he showed me chivalry wasn't dead.

He always opened doors for me, he was so sweet, he wanted to be around me, and talk to me like I am

human.

Now, I just feel so alone, as if he doesn't find me interesting anymore because I am always around, so

why bother with her.

He says he's stressed out about everything in life right now.

This is why he acts the way he does.  It's been almost a year now and things still are the same, I'm beginning

to believe things will and were always going to be this way.

I always thought people who were stressed out released or relieved themselves somehow.

Either through sex, confiding in someone, or exercise.

Maybe even something therapists suggest doing.

He doesn't see a therapist, he gambles every week, 1-2 times.

Maybe that's how he clears himself up.

When we leave the store, after seeing the beautiful people, which I noticed, and he obviously noticed, he asked

me why I don't dye my hair dark.

I scoff, almost a laugh to myself in my chest.

I go on to say I have, and I've done every color to my hairstyle.

Really I was thinking, wow.

He somehow manages to make me feel less attractive after I do something to change my look.

He tells me I am insecure all the time, and then wonders why.

I don't get bothered by this but I am extremely shocked that he always manages to say things that in any case

would be considered rude. 

Especially to your wife. 

On top of never acting sexually attracted towards me, this question he asked made me feel worse.

When he pretends to act attracted to me, such as slapping me on my a*s, it just makes me feel gross.

He tells me sometimes when we argue about me being insecure,

that his dream woman is a lawyer with blonde hair, blue eyes, and big b***s.

I'm a writer, who loves film, art, and books, with naturally dark brown hair, green eyes, and small b***s.

I don't know why he asked me to marry him.  He says I love you.  He supports me.  I don't have a license, and he

drives me everywhere. He says he pays attention to me. He says he's always with me.

Saying these things and doing them are two very different things.

Being with me all day only means sitting around the house in the same room as me, watching tv shows he likes,

smoking cigarettes, and sometimes forcing me to lay down and watch something together that we've already

watched and then when it starts, he will fall asleep immediately, letting me be frustrated that I had to watch

this piece of work by myself again, and without him.

THAT is what being with me all day means.

He falls asleep downstairs on the couch a lot if guests aren't staying with us.

We have sex almost once a month, if not then less.

When I think about it, we never really had a bunny love phase where we f**k all the time.

I've never had this problem....to be honest I never thought it would be a problem.

I always imagined after you got married, like in the movies, you went off on this honeymoon and TONS of sweaty,

horny, fun, crazy, inspiring, creative, wild sex....in some foreign place.

THAT never happened.

In fact, we never had sex on our wedding night, instead I cleaned up after all the guests in my veil, until 4 a.m.

The movies lied to me.

Or I lied to myself.

Anytime I speak about sex, he changes the subject, then tries to only talk about what's on T.V.

I feel gross and perverted.

Horny ghost.

Author's Note

judge away! I like critiquing, it enhances so much more than you could begin to fathom.