I Remember You

My first shot at a prose poem. Needed tissues to write this one.

 

I Remember You

 

The way I liked to feel the dragon tattoo on your arm with my fingertip because it was bumpy, and because I was flirting with you.  The way your head tilted down and to the side just a bit when you smiled that sweet, little boy smile that lit up your eyes.  Your beautiful, golden hair that grew long until Frank talked you into shaving bald.  The warm, delicious feeling that radiated from my toes when you wrapped your arms around me and hugged me just tight enough.  The scent of your cool skin in the morning while we cuddled and lingered, not wanting to get up.  The way we laughed while drinking shots of Tequila and how concerned you were when I fell, cutting my eyelid; the look of worry on your face when I came to after a shake-and-drop, passing out on the kitchen floor.  Telling you not to call 911.  The way we grabbed each other and nearly went white-haired when Sissy crawled into the dark living room, looking possessed.  How adorable you looked when you were mulling over something you were confused about.  The way your eyes clouded over and you looked mad when you were betraying me and didn't know what to say.  That far off look in your eyes when you thought of her; that look that told me I would be losing you. 

Author's Note

An assignment for my poetry class and one of the hardest pieces, emotionally, that I've ever written.

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

The progression from happy to miserable is beautifully gradual. The grammar freak in me is going crazy at your structure, but I get it. It makes sense and it works. I would suggest that you separate this big freaking paragraph into at least a couple, even maybe go so far as to have every sentence on a separate line. Other than that, like I said, it just works.

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[An owl on the moon]

There is so much filling these lines.. passion.. a playfulness.. shared recollections.. loving.. and losing that love.. What began as a most beautiful confession held in the end a breathtaking pain. So bittersweet...

[Crowley]

Ouch....keeping the door open just a crack and letting us peek into soomething personal and sad. Brave and welcome because this was a hell of an emotional piece. Great write....

[Samuel Dickens]

I can see why it would have been difficult to write. Hopefully, airing these thoughts and feelings has made it better. As for the structure of the poem, I think you did just fine, and shouldn't hesitate to write another prose poem anytime you feel like it.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

What Bradley L. says in his review is correct. Your heart never fits together the same again. That's because when something shatters into a million tiny pieces, you can never gather them all back up.

I myself, am long since jaded so lost love has a bit of an inevitable feel. But your words here show a new maturity as a writer. You don't search for flowery, grand words here. You simply tell the sorry in soft, elegant style.

VERY well written.

[David W Moore III]

wow... that was digging into the depths of the heart. nicely done.

[Brad]

:*(
i've that knot in my throat, and been through that recovery...your heart never fits together the same...
this a great work, the pain is beautiful in it's depth and clarity...cherish those emotions no matter how much they may hurt, they are proof you have a soul, validation as to why you're alive, and strength to build callouses for the next round...