Emerald Eyes

Sitting with my elbows

     resting on this window sill,

          I hear his heartbeat echo,

               sent across the evening chill.

 

I feel his breath upon my skin

     though we are miles apart.

          The memories run deep within,

               like footprints on my heart.

 

Somewhere across the distance

     is the one who holds the key;

         his eyes, with emerald brilliance,

               perhaps, again I’ll see.

 

The stars shine brightly for him,

     like that twinkle in his eyes.

          Alas, oh, how I wish he knew

               I pray to blackened skies.

 

Each night I pray, and lay in wait

     for whom this heart adores.

          My pleas I send to you, dear fate,

               for his knock upon my door.

Author's Note

What can I say....I'm a hopeless romantic. :)

Reviews

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Drock,

My favorite eye color is green. Something about an emerald green eye just sends shivers down my spine, and into pure lust. Nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic. I am sure he will one day knock at the door, and you will ravage him for days weeks years. Great write.

Regards,

Matthew

[Sean Allen]

Someone once told me that 'Alas' was one of his favorite words when he read my poem, so I can't say that, but I love romantic poetry and this is especially good work. Although I spend much time paying attention to the meter of my poetry picking words with the right number of syllables, I am beginning to think that I often pay too much attention to it and it hurts the work. It is often the imperfections that make the diamond beautiful and real while the perfection of a Zirconium stone gives it away as a fake.

If you use MS Word, do a “Shift & Enter” to keep the second line lower case.

SA

[GunMetal]

This is great! It was easy to read and the rhyming was wonderful.

[Poeticpiers]

Your rhyming skill is excellent. You desriptive powers also but you pay no attention the essential ingredient of poetry Meter. Is this from choice or do you not understand meter./ You obviously have a talent for writing but all talents need nurturing and supplying with the necessary tools to blossom to their full potential.
You asked for honesty that is what I offer you. ivor aka poeticpiers

[MissWordSmith]

you're a hopeless romantic, but a terrific writer! technically I give you no advice for this one, because it was really just great! The rhyming was perfect and the flow was incredible!
Seriously great work here!
The descriptions were fantastic..
i particularly liked..

"I feel his breath upon my skin

Even though we’re miles apart.

The memories run deep within,

Like footprints on my heart."

I'd just suggest...

"Like memories RUNNING deep within
Footprints on my heart"

Just sounds better in my opinion.

the point is, I am blown away with this one. Really nice and very .. professional, I might add.

[Brasso]

There's nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic. I love the feeling of memories coming alive that is presented in this one, it gives a sense of realism to the reader and emphasises the emotion portrayed by the language.
An interesting read,
Brasso

[just rose.]

I don't think there's any such thing as a hopeless romantic ... being romantic is being hopeFUL. (and i am too.) this is lovely, a beautiful tribute.

[The Perfectionist]

What can I say? You're a hopeless romantic.

The read is a little bit...odd, with the rhythm changing speed a couple of times. It resulting in my having to adjust how I was pacing more than once, but I got through it well enough.

There's not much more to say here. It's an old cliche and you add nothing to it, but it's a good poem in its own right.

[Samuel Dickens]

My guess is that most of us here suffer from that particular afliction. (hopeless romantic, that is) Your poem of longing is an excellent one, having great meter and rhyme.

[Crowley]

Me too. A departure from what I have read of your so far, and I have to say, very good. the emotion is great and the sense of longing is definitely there (longing is so good for writing, so many things about longing that people can identify with). The writing was very good and the pace was perfect. Good write.