The Chamber

The poem and the photo were created by me.

Wearing robes I stand and shiver

fearing what I might deliver;

refer to books upon the shelves,

in which are written noxious spells.

 

Now in my power I do hold

the secrets to these words of old.

Around me are the tools of trade,

lost symbols that the world forbade.

 

'Tis not the harmless toys of man

that I now hold in withered hand;

and to such men I now shall show,

the terror I alone bestow.

 

Surrounded by these walls of stone,

I glare into the gloom once more -

Symbols drawn on floors of slate,

dragon's blood spilled in post haste.

 

My cauldron sits upon its throne

in visage of lost exhumed souls.

Through mighty words intoned in cadence;

incantations spewed with hatred.

 

Within my chambers I implore thee,

cast upon this night before me;

Shadowed demons I now conjure,

summoned to my stone cold chamber.

 

'Tis I upon this night have wrought

the evil I so long have sought.

And now that it is far too late,

inside these walls the demons wait.

 

Though not too far, my chamber door,

I'll pass its threshold nevermore.

Welcomed this night into my room,

I've summoned my own horrid doom.

 

I'm stunned to realize, you see,

these shadowed demons wait for me.

Imprisoned by these demon vultures,

this stone cold chamber; my sepulchre.

.

Author's Note

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)

Reviews

[alesuriko]

Wow. This is really very well written. I adore the eerie gothic sense to it and how mystical and wicked it feels with the influence of dark magic and mythical creatures. There's also the elements of Victorian paranoia in the Sublime. The psychological terror that comes from creatures of the dark and the night that lurk in the darkness, also a good use of Romantic paranoia of Fae lore. The imagery is wondrous, very dark and cryptic. I particularly enjoyed the line "Though not too far, my chamber door, I'll pass its threshold nevermore" mainly because it's obviously inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" (which is my favorite poem). The rhyme never missed a beat and the flow allows you to read through it smoothly.

[An owl on the moon]

Such dark, wild enchantments fill the mind... sing a deep magic over the world... So powerfully moving and rippling with the edge of time and chance breathing out... Image and words amazing and alive.

[Doreen]

Thank you for visiting and sharing your thoughts. :) I hope all is well.

[David Scott]

Enjoyed this poem.Thanks. Feels matter of fact. I like to read it with a Jersey accent. Good stuff

[Doreen]

Thanks. Wait......people in Jersey don't have accents; it's everyone else who does. :)

I enjoy all of your writings as they are so who you are.

[OT]

oooo this is quite eerie indeed, mysticism spun into the darkness!! its couplets give it that creepy sing song type vibe like them old horror films where the little kids sing (chilling!) - strong content, easy flowing!! great! and powerful images to boot!! love it!!

[ettorney]

OK Doreen, I'm going to give you a REAL critique. I'm coming from the vantage point of "I like it - well written" but my critique will hopefuly open your eyes to a few things that can help.

Let's take the first stanza:

In flowing robes I stand and shiver,
for fear of what I might deliver.
Referred to books upon the shelves,
in which are written noxious spells.

What helps sometimes for me is to "string-it-out" into prose to get a new visual and auditory impression on what is said in the poem. What is conveyed.

Here, you create an image of a wizard in a room with reference books about to do something that he/she is afraid of. That comes across well. If we string it out like this:
In flowing robes I stand and shiver for fear of what I might deliver.
Referred to books upon the shelves in which are written noxious spells.

You can see it loses some of it's - uhm... making sense-ness(?). We do not stand for fear, for example. So I (as an author) try to clean up the strung out version to make more sense. Like this:

WITH flowing robes I stand and shiver IN fear of what I might deliver.
I REFER to books upon THESE shelves in which are written noxious spells.

Then, if I like it, I'll put it back into poem form. LIke this.

With flowing robes I stand and shiver
in fear of what I might deliver.
I refer to books upon these shelves
in which are written noxious spells.


Notice the lack of commas? That's becuase, grammatically, there is no need for a common in each sentence. Poetic conventions be Damned! JK : ) but seriously correct grammar will always rule the day.

Now the word choices I made are only my artistic opinion and of course you can chose any words you like to have the sentence (not just one poetic line) make sense.

Much of amature poetry (and yes most bad poetry), is simply an attempt to portray an image or evoke an emotion by tearing up the english language or screwing with syntax in an attempt to sound deep and thoughtful, you know, poetic. But what is produced is often pure drek.

That is not what you did here! I merely point out that to go from a pretty good piece to a really good piece, try cleaning up the language for grammar, syntax and word choice. After all poetry should be read first and thought about second. The reader should never have to "figure it out" if you know what I mean.

At the end of the day, however,

Nice Write.

[Matthew Kult]

This was absolutely excellent. Very well written and the images are outstanding. Completely outstanding. A great work.

With Love,

Jaidyn

[David W Moore III]

Very nicely done. And I like how she was consumed by the hatredand evil she fostered. Similar in theme and gothic style to my Siren Song. Huge fan of poe (pie too as my phone originally typed!) so this is very high up on my list of favorites on wc!

i thought this was nicely read and formatted very traditionally. it reminded me of reading Shelley or Milton, or some old traditional poet. You evoke a very nice feeling here. Good job of keeping the suspense up to. I'm normally not a fan of archaic verse by new writers because they are usually bad at it, but you are a rare exception. Nice work. Thanks

[Gomer LePoet]

Hey this is way to cool Drock. great conceptualization, flow and pace. This is kind of a good counterpiece to my "Ding Dong". Good job.