The Coffee Shop

A flash fiction story. The photo is my creation.

The way you looked at me this morning made me blush. You bent and retrieved the newspaper thrown into the hedge by the paperboy and then you said good morning and smiled.  I was already looking forward to you coming home from work and it was only seven in the morning.

I thought I'd surprise you for lunch.  Then I saw you... at the coffee shop with that woman. She looked darling with her hair twisted into a braid, her long legs dressed in sheer stockings.  Her skirt was a bit too short.  It's unseemly for a woman. It sends the wrong message, but I'm sure you didn't mind.

You spoke over coffee and pie ­- apple, I believe, for you, a darker fruit for her. Blueberry? I kept telling myself she meant nothing, but the look in her eyes, well, a woman doesn't look at a man that way, unless...

The sun came through the window in such a way as to highlight a hint of auburn in her hair along with the jewels in her wedding ring. Even with your face turned mostly away from me, I was able, still, to judge the chemistry between the two of you.

Did you know I was watching? Is that why you didn't reach for her hand?

I watched as you pulled out her chair. I saw you guiding her away from the table, your hand low on her back. You moved together fluidly, knowingly, like a dance. You held the door for her and I saw the way you looked at her. The smile. It was then I was certain.

The bullet was not meant for you.  I meant to rid you of your wife, but you got in the way. It's a shame, you see, I was meant to be more to you than just the woman next door.     

Author's Note

My first attempt at a flash fiction piece.

Reviews

[Crowley]

Are ya back around???? Tightly written and very sharp. Those damn dukes, nuttin’ But trouble. Great piece girl!!!

[Doreen]

Howdy! Thanks. Re-visiting this work and tightening it up a bit. I might brush off the cobwebs and get back into the swing again. How are ya?

[Crowley]

Really good!!! It is very nice to see you again!!

[Crowley]

And that was supposed to say smiles, not dukes...lol.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Your descriptions as beautiful, flush with the observations of a sharp eye. I was left a bit unsure of who was killed and why, but maybe this is an intro, in which case leaving me in a bit of fog is perfect. (95)

[Doreen]

I was hoping the motive and objective would be clear. I'll have to work on this. It's hard when you have a 300 word limit. :)

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Bear in mind that I am a slow-witted old man. Perhaps it IS clear and I'm just dense.

[CLCurrie]

Well, do more.
I enjoy it. I also enjoy flash fiction a lot too.
The build as nice. I knew you were going somewhere with which would not end good for anyone, but I would have to say the ending was not too shocking. I could see it coming from a mile away. I'll give you, not the characters with an gun but I had a good guess they were going to be killed.
I suggest going way into left field with the ending. Maybe the narrator is Death or an demon or is the man's lust. The narrator could even been an sniper across the street watching the man and women while waiting for their kill.
I don't know, the narrator could be anything, but I did enjoy the work.
Keep doing some flash fiction.

Also I try to remove 'that' as much as I can in my writing. So maybe this line 'You were with that woman,' could be more like 'You were with a woman.'

[Doreen]

Thanks for the feedback.