Baby Lamb

Baby Lamb

A Poem by rabbit

Baby lamb born of a tigress,

With sapling eyes and curling wool,

Impressionable, soft, mild�"

A quiet gift, a silent child.

 

Baby lamb born of a rooster,

With verdant eyes and sturdy horns,

Challenging, bold, firm�"

A clamant gift, a wordy bairn.

 

Baby lamb raised of a dog,

With mossy eyes and bleating mouth,

Defiant, rough, uncouth�"

A sullen gift, a naïve youth.

 

Baby lamb all alone,

With jade eyes and warming heart,

Impressionable, bold, strife�"

A forgiving gift, an uncertain life.

© 2012 rabbit


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Reviews

I thoroughly enjoyed this! It has a solemn vitality to it that really flows throughout the entire poem with absolutely superb musicality topped with sublime imagery. The only things I will critique is first (the pettiest of the two): born- born- born. or born- [something]- raised, make for better progressions than born-born- raised, for after having "born" twice, it only makes sense to put it again (and frankly, the stanza pretty much reads the same if it were "born" and not "raised"). Second (and less petty....but still petty in its own right), there's no proper antecedent for "strife" since by the progression of words, we hope for an adjective, but find a noun instead. Were the progression three nouns, it might work, or simply change the rhyme for a synonym of "life" or "future". Your choice....only saying that the noun sounds awkward after two adjectives. This is otherwise fantastic! Well done!

Posted 6 Years Ago


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Gee
Sweet,like your style..............

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the metaphors used. We are all born with a predisposition towards a certain personality type or are born under certain circumstances we must deal with in life. This is nice writing.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Cool. Love the imagery penned. Nicely done!

Posted 12 Years Ago


Really like the last stanza, this has depth and strong feelings. enjoyed

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

excellent i love your sentence stucture each meter is perfect leading to a strong stanza well done good poem

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

rabbit

12 Years Ago

thank you!
Ian H Morrison

12 Years Ago

you are welcome
Lovely imagination
Enjoyable.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like it... weird but I like it. Sort of like a Chinese calendar meeting a daily horoscope. Makes me hungry for take-out.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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378 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on August 15, 2012
Last Updated on August 15, 2012
Tags: poetry, animals

Author

rabbit
rabbit

San Marcos, TX



About
An empathetic, self-pitying, generous, lazy, sensitive, indecisive, candid, capricious student who is always saying she's writing something when really she rarely is. I listen to a lot of music and st.. more..

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