Chapter Six 1993

What could have been????? A look into the past.

       She couldn't take it anymore! She needed a way out of the latest party her father was holding. if someone told her one more time what a girl was suppose to do she would scream. She was already wearing the stupid sun blue sun dress with white daisies on it. Her hair up in a French braid with daisies intertwined in the red locks. What else could they want from her? "Hey Julia is that you?" She looked up to see Martin Sanders walking almost running toward her. "Oh great just what I needed." She muttered to herself. Could this day possibly get any worse? She turned her back to him as she looked out over the balcony of her three story Victorian styled house. It wasn't that Marin wasn't good looking. Julia just  hadn't seen Martin since she was ten years old and he was completely cruel to her. She wasn't about to go through another day of him calling her names like horse face and hitting her. Julia felt a tap on her shoulder. Please don't be him. Please don't be him she thought to herself, even though she knew it was him, as she turned around. He was so close to her. His eyes a brilliant hazel greenish brown met her bright green eyes. His hair was a golden blond with streaks of brown. "Wow you changed!" It slipped out of her mouth before she could stop it. Martin smirked a dimple on the right side of his face. He took a step back far enough so she could see him wearing an ambrocombie striped polo and jeans.

"You changed a lot yourself Julia."

"Oh yeah? I'm not a horse face to you any more?"

       "No not at all. You look good. I was wondering if maybe you would like to catch a movie or get something to eat or both up to you?" Martin asked her. Julia was completely shocked she didn't know what to say no one has ever asked her out before. She took too long to answer and Martin seemed to take her silence as an invitation "So what to you say?" He asked her as he took a few steps closer toward her and kissed her. Instant anger engulfed Julia as she pushed him off her and slapped him with all the strength she had. "Your a pig and no I will not go out with you!! EVER!!" She yelled as she started to run out of the party and to her room. "The nerve of the guy! Thinking I would ever go out with him if he acted like that!" She continued to yell as she entered her room. She needed to calm down or her father would surely ground her for the insubordination. Julia tried taking big deep breaths as she walked over to her window. Nope the breathing thing definitely wasn't working. Julia looked out over the barn where her horse Twilight was. She began tearing the flowers out of her hair as she untied the French braid and instead put her hair in a long unstylish pony tail. then took off the hideous sun-dress, hoping never to have to wear it again or see it again for that matter, and threw it in a conner. Then putting on her jeans, boots, and a t-shirt she headed out to see twilight.

       "Hey girl. How you doing twilight?" Julia whispered into her beautiful white stallion's ear. She had the horse for about three years and it was the one thing her father would never take away from her. She left the horse for second to find a brush to brush Twilights beautiful long mane and the white as snow hair all over twilights body. Most people would have been disgusted for the smell in the barn was nitrous at best. Yet to Julia the horse dung and old musty smell of the barn just made it feel more like home. This barn on this ranch was the only thing that kept her sane and twilight was the only person or rather horse that ever made Julia feel completely loved. Julia found the brush by a old bucket of dirty water and attached it to her hand.  As she walked back to twilight she noticed that the barn was becoming worn down and already in a bad condition. The roof looked like it would cave in any minute and the floors felt mossy and damp under Julia's soft leather shoes.

       "Well, girl." She began to brush the horse.  Twilights ears flicked and eyes closed enjoying the some what massage Julia was giving her moving her hands in small circles over the horses back. "Looks like dad better hire someone new to help out over here or I might have to give you away. Old Charlie just can't get the work done around here any more." Twilights eyes opened and nudged her nose against Julia's shoulder, when Julia told her she might have to give Twilight away. " Yeah I know I would miss you to girl." She stopped brushing the horse to hug Twilight around the neck. Julia couldn't imagine ever giving up what she shared with this horse. Julia couldn't hold it in any longer. She started to break down as she felt another nudge from twilight. Wiping her eyes Julia looked up toward the barn door and back again to twilight who just nudged her again.

       Without another thought she grabbed hold on the horses back and swung herself up and over to where she was straddling Twilight. "You want to go for a ride? Then lets make it a good one." Julia reached down and unlatched the gate. "It might be our last." It was like watching a horse race from a distance, but this time she was in it. The gate was down and Twilight was off.  Julia had never rode bared backed before. It was exhilarating.

       For that instance it was just her and twilight racing over the fields and into the thick dense forest ahead. the wind whipped her hair around. Some of her red locks spilling out of her pony tail. Her hands held tightly to Twilights mane as her legs were wound tightly to the horses body. She felt safe and free. She never wanted to lose this feeling. As the horse ran toward the forest Julia slowly let go of twilights mane. Trusting the horse with all of her heart like she did no other.  Julia's hands now out stretched. The only thing keeping her on the horse was the legs wound so tightly against twilights broaden back. " I'm Flying" She screamed to the skies above her, but couldn't' hear her own voice for it was lost in the rush of the wind. She tore the pony tail out of her hair and let it cascade down her back and was eventually picked up by the wind as if it were floating behind her.

       One minute the sun was almost blinding her in the open fields while the next she was in the forest. It happened to fast she didn't know what was going on until it was to late. She saw it coming she had to have. The bunny came out of nowhere and spooked Twilight. Julia's hands still in the air tried to grab for something, but all she got was air. She felt the impact of the fall as her beloved horse ran off. She landed on her arm trying to brace herself for the impact, but at the same time her head hit a trees root that was protruding from the ground. Julia wanted to get up. She wanted to move, but couldn't she saw a boy or was it a man? She had no clue. Julia felt someone pick her up and thats the last thing she remembered before everything went black.

Author's Note

how is the writing itself? is the dialouge and chapter believable? do you think i should delete it? I tried to check for typos but think i still might have missed some feel free to point the out for me if u see any thank you.

Reviews

[Kayla]

Chris summed it up enough. Can't wai till you have the next Chapter done!

[Chris]

In answer to your questions: it was a good chapter like all the previous ones. I think the dialogue and chapter is believable, and there's really no need to delete it. It's kind of nice to sometimes get a look into a character's past. It shapes them up a little more and makes them more realistic. You can also get an understanding of a character (like how they act, why they are the way they are, etc) from their past and it can make it easier to sympathisize with them. So no need to delete it, but it is your choice though since it's your book.

Anyway, there's a couple things I want to point out to you. First, you might want to show that this is Julia's past a little better so people are for certain when they read this. Maybe mention what her age is or something, just to try to make it more clearer. I know that you show the date in the chapter title, but unless you have the date of what the story takes place in (not for the past, but for the present), then people might not know for sure that this is an earlier date. It also looks a little weird with something in the chapter title other than "Chapter (insert number here)." But you don't have to change any of this. I mean, I might be wrong. The reader might be able to easily pick up that this is the past, but I just thought I'd point out that possibility anyway. Also:

" His eyes a brillant hazel greenish brown met her bright green eyes. "

No need to have both "hazel" and "greenish brown." It's kind of redundant since that's what hazel is. Take out one or the other.

Also, you didn't capitalize Twilight after the first time you mentioned the horses name. You might want to go back and capitalize the name. And one last thing:

" It happened to fast she didn't know what was going on until it was to late. "

Both of the "to"'s should have two o's. Too is an adverb meaning "also" or "excessively." The excessively part is what you're shooting for in this sentence. You do this a few other times throughout the reading. And also, there's an abc spell check in the toolbar for when you add chapters. You might want to try using that to see if it catches any misspelled words that you have in the chapter. I don't know how well it works because I never use it myself, but it's worth a try.