Flew

Flew

A Poem by Jiah

She was tired,
of all the things which made her sad
depressed and lonely,
she had no one.

When she grew ,
she knew, 
she'll get out
of the stupid town she lived in.

Ah! Alas 
She flew.

© 2014 Jiah


Author's Note

Jiah
My first poem.
Hope you like it. : )

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Reviews

This was awesome!!! Short but so much said with so few words! Great! Keep writing!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

we all felt this,but once we got out we left some Grait people behind even the worst people we missed,thank you for sharing this a truly intriguing piece well done

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jiah

10 Years Ago

thank you so much . : )
It's pretty good. I like the rhyming in the middle stanza. But I feel like you should do a little more showing instead of telling. I don't see much structure so maybe you could use that freedom to use more words to get the message across. Instead of saying she was tired, use stronger words to show how done she is and make sure the reader gets the full impact of her melancholic reality. Words are your paint and paintbrush so use them. I liked how realistic your poem was. It's something easy to relate to :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jiah

10 Years Ago

thankyou so much .
I'll take that note. : )
It was good. It reminded me of so many who can't wait to leave their home town. I was the same way.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jiah

10 Years Ago

thanks! : )
I felt like this in high school for most of the time. Thanks for posting! :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jiah

10 Years Ago

Thankyou! : )
I'm feeling the same way .
Decent! I liked the smooth and flowing rhyme in the middle stanza! Good job for your first poem!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jiah

10 Years Ago

Thankyou so much. : )
I have to ask, "when she grew" seems to imply pregnancy...Does it? Am I just reading more than was intended? Do you just mean she grew up, as normal girls do? I like this poem because it is cursory, but it is heartfelt. Keep writing!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Jiah

10 Years Ago

ummm...! !!
Robert Tusitala O'Neill

10 Years Ago

I mean, I just read that and thought of it without meaning to...I don't think it is a bad addition t.. read more
Jiah

10 Years Ago

yaah not at all : )

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338 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Added on January 18, 2014
Last Updated on January 24, 2014
Tags: dreams, freedom, runaway

Author

Jiah
Jiah

About
I'm new but getting into it . more..


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