In My Life

A brief essay on my life, written last year. (2010 - spring)

All my life I’ve submersed myself into loathsome pools of anger, depression, and hopeless feelings �" about myself.  Tiny things really �" nothing that I’d think would bother a human: a low “A” on a test, a missed call from a would-be friend, a remark from a loving relative, or a missed soccer pass. They built up, creating a huge black cloud that constantly loomed over me.  I had no way to channel those thoughts into something tangible, something that I could turn positive, hopeful.  And at times, I was certain that I had lost myself. But I have emerged from that era riding on a stronger stallion armed with the peaceful tool that I now live and breathe �" music.  Beatles music.

Just as the songs of the Fab Four resonated with the youth of the 60’s, their melodies have touched my heart.  Moved it.  Never had any outside influence been able to reach me in my deepest hours of darkness.  Turning on my beloved iPod, suddenly, I was no longer alone, toiling over my sadness like an invisible child.  No, I was joined by the lonely Eleanor Rigby, the misunderstood Fool on the Hill, and the understanding Blackbird .  “All You Need Is Love” helped me overcome the raging of the feared hate.  “Hey Jude” taught me that self-loathing is not the answer.  And “Here Comes the Sun” reassured me that the sun was coming after a long cold winter.  Together they helped me to face another day.  Meaningful lyrics washed over me as unfamiliar calm filled my mind, giving me power to assess my situation with clarity at last.

Without the Beatles or the other music that has urged me to come out of the tunnel I had built for myself, I would be a completely different person.  A person who could not muster up the stamina and courage to score the first goal of her team’s spring season.  A person who would not forgive or forget any miscellaneous unimportant mistakes in life.  A person who did not have the will or power to succeed.  With the ability to make the right decisions, I have discovered that life has many opportunities that will pass me by if I don’t reach for them.  Some have been small, like the chance to help a special needs student understand class concepts or performing for a group of senior citizens.  But others can alter my future or that of the entire planet.  Listening to the motivational tunes of the Beatles has boosted my confidence, and I take those opportunities to full extent to make me a better and wiser person.

Tears of sorrow are not beyond me yet, nor will I ever hope them to be.  However, thanks to four British Lads, I have found a way to cope with the feelings before I drown.  And so I thank them as I thank Eleanor Rigby for upon the dark horse I ride, success and happiness are no longer beyond my reach.

Reviews

[Jenna]

oh yeah...it was written for a scholarship.