Unspoken Words

There was an invisible timer in Kei’s household that counted down the time until Ed lost it, and it had just reached zero. “Dang it, Kei!” Ed shouted at his son, slapping the small boy across the face. Kei cowered, wincing at the stinging in his face. “You’re pathetic!”

Ed had found Kei in his room attempting to paint his walls a deep black. Now, most parents would of course be a little upset that their child had done this without their permission. Most parents would just simply tell their child not to do it again and have them paint it back. Most parents would have just let their child paint their room in the first place. But Ed was not most parents. He had an image in his head on how his son should be, and Kei didn’t meet the requirements. And that really ticked him off.

“You’re so morbid! I told you no to painting your room the devil’s color, yet you just had to get your way because you’re selfish and pitiful! Man up already, you pathetic schizophrenic emo!” Ed pushed his son to the floor. “Go outside! Go hunting! Play sports! Don’t act so useless! And for God’s sake, find a way to communicate, you stupid mute! I already have enough on my plate without having to find out what in god’s sake you’re trying to say!”

Yeah, a lot on your plate. And by that you mean watching TV and drinking beer! Kei thought, glaring up at Ed. You can’t control me! He thought. I am my own person! I’m not like you! Buzz off and leave me be! Kei wished he could say this out loud. He wished he could say anything out loud. But a mute person can’t just say what their mind was saying just like that.

To make the everything better, Lizzy, Kei’s sister, came into the room. Lizzy was like the flavored lipstick she always wore; girly, sparkly, and artificially sweetened. She would lure you in with her fake kindness, and then as soon as you started trusting her, she would turn on you faster than an alligator hunting a bird.

“Oh, you’re snapping at Kei again!” Lizzy said, clapping. “Did you find out about Kei skipping school to go and draw? Again? Ooh, ooh! Or did you hear that he’s failing all of his classes because he just listens to music and reads manga the whole time? Oh, and how he just draws on his work! They finally decided to put Kei with the special ed program because he’s practically disabled! Well, they will, if he ever decides to show up at school again. He’s been skipping for the past two weeks!”

Ed froze and his glare sharpened as he glowered at Kei. “What?!” he roared, lifting Kei off of the ground by his shirt. “Oh, that’s it, kid! You’re dead, you insane little freak! You’re so dead!” Kei winced at the word ‘insane.’ It wasn’t his fault that his mind created a false reality he was forced to live in everyday. If he could just be normal, he would, but he didn’t get to decide those things.

The stress of the situation triggered the thing in Kei’s mind that created delusions. Behind his dad, he saw another Ed, an imaginary Ed, brandishing a knife and grinning at him. His eyes were murderous and filled with the intent to kill.

Kei’s heart began to beat hard, and his throat tightened. He didn’t want his fate to be decided by this second Ed. He did the only thing he could think of to get his father to release him. He bent over and dug his teeth into Ed’s hand, warm metallic blood filling his mouth.

“Gah!” Ed screamed and dropped Kei to clutch his bleeding hand. The boy didn’t waste a second. He spit out a mouthful of red onto the floor, trying not to puke at having this vile man’s blood in his mouth, then darted out the front door of the house before his father even had the chance to recover. He wasn’t going back.

Kei ran across town and bounded into the town park. He saw the blurred forms of people fly past as he ran. Seeing the people looking at him as if he were some annoying bug or as if he had just said something weird(ha ha) was bad enough, but seeing the shadow people gliding beside him was even worse. They made his heart race increase more, which Kei didn’t know was actually possible, and his throat constricted with terror. At one point, Kei stumbled and crashed to the ground, skinning his knees on the hard tar path in the park. Stuff like that happened all the time. Kei would find himself tripping over nothing, or just suddenly falling out of nowhere. But it didn’t matter. Not when it happened, and not now. Kei took a moment to blink back tears of pain and terror, and then struggled to his feet and kept running, leaving smears of blood on the tar behind him.

There was a forest at the edge of the park, and Kei bolted into it, twisting around the trees and jumping over roots. He wasn’t just running from his family now. Now he was also running from his mind. More accurately, he was running from the things his mind made up.

Kei’s muscles were aching and his lungs were screaming at him, and on top of that, his knees were blazing with a fiery pain that made him feel weak. Finally, he collapsed against a tree, unable to run any further. The small boy curled up against the tree, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face into his arms. He could hear the shadows whispering and jeering at him. Useless fool. Nothing but a pathetic wimp. Go crawl into a ditch and die; it’s where you belong. Tears were streaming from his eyes, and he was choking on air as he tried to take in enough of it. Suddenly, the voices died away, and Kei heard the sound of footsteps approaching slowly. Kei could feel his muscles tense and his blood turn cold. He began to shake violently. What kind of torture was his mind going to make him endure now? His heart thumping hard in his chest, Kei slowly looked up at the approaching creature.

The boy was huddled against a tree, looking small and helpless. He was wearing a long sleeved black shirt, which was unusual for someone to wear in the beginning of summer(especially now, since it was so hot), and light gray shorts. His arms were covered with many brightly colored bracelets, and he had black ear gages with orange circles in his ears, so it was hard to miss him against the light brown tree trunk. He looked about 15 years old, maybe even younger. He had a head of black hair, and as the brown skinned boy approached him, he noticed that the boy’s black hair was streaked with red. His knees were also streaked red. With blood.

The brown skinned boy was named Caven. He was out going for a walk, but on his treck he had spotted the boy curled against the tree, looking broken and lost. As Caven approached him, the boy slowly lifted his head to look at him.

“Hey.” Caven said softly. The black haired boy’s eyes were lit with fear, and as Caven approached, the pale boy shrank away, but was blocked by the thick tree trunk. “What are you doing out here? You don’t look like you want to be curled bleeding against a tree.”

The boy didn’t say anything. He hurriedly wiped tears from his face, obviously not wanting Caven to see him cry. Caven crouched so that he was level with him. “Hey, you can talk to me. I won’t bite.”

The boy shook his head and suddenly stuck a single finger in the dirt and began drawing. Caven squinted at the dirt and managed to make out a few words. Can’t speak. Mute. “Ah, I see.” Caven said. “But why are you out here? As I said before, you seem like you’re scared.” Not scared of here. Scared of my mind. Schizophrenia.

Caven blinked. “So you’re seeing things?” The boy nodded. “Is that why you’re out here? You’re running from your mind?” The boy shook his head. No. I’m running from my family.

Caven smiled. “Well, I won’t ask why you’re running from your family, but you could stay with me, if you want. I don’t mind.” The boy smiled. Thank you. “Alright, then!” Caven said. “I’ve been pretty lonely since my family was killed, so I’m happy to finally have some company. I just have one more question. What’s your name? I’m Caven, by the way.”

The boy smiled, then scritched a name in the dirt. Kei. Caven grinned back at Kei. “Alright, Kei, well it looks like you’ve gotta place to stay. C’mon.” Caven extended his hand, and Kei took it. Caven helped Kei to his feet, and then he began to lead Kei back to his house.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. On the way back to the house, Caven noticed that a fox was following him and Kei. It had bright green eyes, just like Kei. Caven didn’t think much of it and led Kei into his house. Caven showed Kei around the house, and then he wrapped Kei’s bleeding knees with some bandages. Kei fell asleep on the couch, and Caven went to his own bed for the night.

The next morning, Caven got up and went out into the livingroom and over to the couch. He crouched, gently tapping Kei on the shoulder. The dark haired boy woke instantly, bolting upright and looking like he was about to deck someone in the jaw. “Hey, hey, relax!” Caven said, placing a hand on Kei’s shoulder. “It’s only me!” Kei relaxed, sagging with relief. Caven smiled, then continued. “I gotta go to work, but I don’t want to leave you here alone after you just got here. You okay with coming to work with me? I work at the cafe in town.”

Kei nodded. “You’re okay with coming?” Caven said, double checking. Kei nodded again. Caveng grinned. “Great! If you want any, there’s food in the cabinets and fruit on the counter. I’ve gotta get ready.”

Half an hour later, the two boys were walking up the path side by side. Caven was busy telling Kei all about his job and Kei was busy eating a banana when a scarlet flash to his left got him off track. He turned his head, and there was the fox from the day before, trotting beside the two boys, its bright green eyes flashing.

Caven grinned and nudged Kei. “Look at that fox!” Kei turned his head to look where Caven was pointing, and when he saw the fox, he smiled. The fox swished its tail, then disappeared into the undergrowth, leaving no trace of it ever being there. “He was following us yesterday, too.” Caven told Kei. “It has your eyes, don’t you think?” Kei laughed silently. Or, Caven thought he was laughing. Kei’s shoulders were shaking, and he had his hand over his mouth. It was hard to tell if he was actually laughing or not, since Kei couldn’t make any sound at all, but he looked amused, and Caven guessed that was a good thing. Caven nudged Kei. “C’mon, let’s keep moving.” Kei nodded, and the two of them set off once more down the path.

After another fifteen minutes of walking, Kei and Caven arrived at the cafe. Above the door, there was a sign that read, Welcome to Káva Cafe! Caven went under the sign and opened the door to the cafe. As the door opened, Kei was hit with a blast of warm air. It smelled like coffee and pastries.

The walls of the cafe were painted a nice periwinkle color that was very pleasing to the eye. There were framed canvases covered with beautiful paintings hung along the walls with the name Tommi signed in the corner. There were tables scattered around the large room, each surrounded by four or less chairs. There were large potted trees in almost every corner of the cafe. Along one wall, there was a wooden counter with a cash register sitting on top of it and a small notepad beside it. A door stood beside the counter. The entire room was neat and organized, except for a pen that had been discarded on the floor under a table in the back of the cafe.

“Mornin’ Caven!” Kei watched as the door beside the counter swung open and two people stepped out into the room. The taller person’s head was half shaved, and the remaining hair they had was chin length and was a dark brown that was streaked with green. Their whole body was covered with piercings. But what really caught Kei’s attention was their eyes. They were an extremely bright neon green; obviously because of contact lenses.

The second person was only a little bit shorter than the first, but they were still really tall. They also had half of their hair shaved, but unlike the first person, their hair went down to their hips, and their hair was tipped with orange. Their eyes were unnaturally pale blue, and Kei assumed that they were wearing contact lenses as well. Their face was covered in a blanket of freckles, and they had many body piercings, too.

“Hey, Keni!” Caven said cheerfully to the green haired person, the one who had spoke. “This is my friend Kei. He’s staying at my place.” Caven turned to Kei. “Kei, this is Keni. They own the cafe. The other person is their girlfriend, Tommi. She painted the pictures on the walls.”

Keni smiled at Kei, outstretching a hand. “Hey, Kei. Nice to meet you.” Kei smiled, shaking Keni’s hand. Keni watched Kei silently, and he realized that they were waiting for him to respond.

“Kei’s mute.” Caven explained.

“Ah.” Keni nodded in understanding. “My bad. Sorry, Kei.” Kei smiled, putting up both hands and waving them as if to say don’t worry about it. After they stepped back, Tommi stepped forward, and Kei was about to reach out and shake her hand as well when Tommi drew Kei into an unexpected hug. Tommi gave Kei a squeeze. “Nice to meet you, Kei!” Awkwardly, Kei stood still until Tommi released him.

“Tommi’s very huggy.” Caven said to Kei. Still feeling awkward, Kei nodded and took a step back.

Taking a hold of his arm, Caven led Kei to the table in the back of the cafe that had the pen underneath it. “I don’t want to be rude or anything, but could you sit back here while I’m working?” Caven asked. “I’m sorry but I don’t have much for you to do...”

As Caven was talking, Kei had bent over and picked up the pen on the floor. He grabbed a napkin from the holder on the table and wrote something down, then he handed the napkin over to Caven. Don’t worry about it. I can draw on the napkins. Caven smiled. “Alright, sounds good! I’ve gotta go now. It’s time to open. Again, sorry!”

Caven left Kei drawing at the table and walked over to the table. He flipped the sign from Sorry, we’re closed to Come on in! We’re open! and got ready to start the day.

Caven let out a long sigh and flipped the sign. The sky was a fiery orange, and the last three customers had left ten minutes before. Wiping sweat from his forehead, Caven walked over to where Kei was still busy drawing.

“Alright, Kei, I’m finished-” Caven’s words came to an abrupt halt. “Oh my God, Kei, you drew that?! That’s amazing!” Kei had sketched a realistic eye on one of the napkins. There were fingers and vines coming out of the eye, and flowers were scattered across the drawing. In the corner, there was a tiny derpy anime chibi that was saying, “God, I’m glad my eye isn’t like that!” It was so good, it shocked Caven.

Kei rubbed the back of his head, blushing. “Can I show this to Keni and Tommi?” Kei nodded once, looking down bashfully at the table. Caven instantly snatched the napkin.

“Tommi! Keni! Get out here!” Caven yelled. The two lovers burst through the door by the counter.

“What is it? Who died?” Keni asked frantically.

“Do I need to get the defibrillator??” Tommi said, her voice all business.

Caven blinked. “Wait, Káva has a defibrillator? Oh, never mind. Come look at what Kei drew!”

Keni and Tommi stared at the napkin drawing, dumbfounded. And then, “Holy crap, kid!” Keni said finally.

“That’s amazing!” Tommi exclaimed, clapping her hands. “You’ve got to hang this up, Keni!” Keni nodded. They went in the back room for a few seconds, then came out with a thumbtack and tacked the napkin to the wall above Kei’s table.

“There we go!” Keni said, clapping their hands together once. “Oh, wait! Kei, sign it! So people know you drew it!” Kei nodded, then quickly signed his name on the corner of the napkin.

Keni ruffled Kei’s hair. “Dude, that’s great!”

Tommi drew Kei into another hug. “You’re amazing!”

Caven was beaming. “You’d better draw more so I can hang it up at the house! And you should draw pictures to go with the poems I write!”

For a moment, Kei’s mind wasn’t processing. Why did they complimenting him so much? Lizzy and Ed were always saying how his drawings were trash. They shamed him for drawing, and they always tore up his work or burned them with a lighter if they saw them. Were Tommi, Keni, and Caven just pitying him? No, that couldn’t be it. They didn’t seem like the type of people to do that. Plus, they genuinely seemed to like his drawings.

Oh, whatever. Kei though finally. Kei had no reason to doubt the three of them. If they said that it was good, they must truly think so. The thought made him feel unexpectedly warm inside. For the first time in awhile, everything was alright. Nobody was screaming at him. Nobody was punching or beating him. Nobody was calling him worthless. Everything was good for the first time ever. And Kei thought he could live with that.

A year went by. Kei would go with Caven to the cafe whenever he could. He had become close with Tommi and Keni, and he became closer with Caven. When Kei was with Caven, he felt normal. And feeling normal made him feel good.

Keni and Tommi were always requesting for Kei to draw for them. The walls of the cafe were now covered with napkins and papers Kei had drawn on. The customers seemed to enjoy looking at them, even the anime ones, and the indirect praises they gave Kei made him feel wanted. Accepted.

Kei had been drawing on his own a lot during this time. The walls of Caven’s house were now covered with drawings Kei had made. Sometimes, Caven and Kei would stay up late, sitting together on the couch as Caven wrote poems and Kei drew pictures to go with them. There were times were Kei would fall asleep drawing. His head would suddenly fall gently onto Caven’s shoulder, and Caven would look over to see Kei was fast asleep.

Caven noticed that when Kei was asleep, he looked different than when he was awake. It wasn’t a bad different. Not including the first few days, when he was awake, Kei always seemed so independent and strong. He was small, and he was skinny, but Caven knew he could fend for himself(once, when a stranger bumped into him on the street, Kei actually judo flipped the guy and pinned him to the ground. It took a lot of apologising from Caven to erase any threatened assault charges against Kei). But when Kei was asleep, he looked completely defenseless. He was like a porcelain doll, pale and beautiful. He looked like nothing could bother him, not even the demons of his mind. Looking at Kei made Caven feel something he hadn’t felt before. His chest felt warm and fuzzy, and he found himself wishing he could hold Kei close and never let go. It was new and surprisingly intense, but Caven didn’t think he hated the feeling.

At first when Kei’s schizophrenia started to go away, Kei thought it was because of Caven. Since Caven found him in the forest, Kei hadn’t noticed the shadow people as much. He still saw things that weren’t there, but only minor things, like square bananas, black dandelions, and other misshapen or discolored objects. There was even an old hobo Kei would see standing in the corner playing a banjo. But eventually, Kei began realizing that his drop in schizophrenia might be because of something else.

Kei was falling. A lot. There were many times where Kei was walking, and his legs would give out for no reason. And he was tired. Not just normal tired, but excessively tired. He would wake up feeling as if he hadn’t slept at all, and he found himself mindlessly shuffling through the day, just going through the actions without his mind really being there. Kei would lose his breath very easily now as well. If he strained his body in any way, like stretching to grab something up high, or moving faster than a normal walking speed, he would find himself gasping for breath as if he had just run a 10k marathon.

Caven had begun to notice what was happening as well, and it was beginning to worry him. Kei was like a zombie. There were many times where he struggled to get Kei out of bed. Sometimes, he couldn’t wake Kei up, so he just let him sleep. There were times when Kei wouldn’t be able to get back up after falling, so Caven had to help him stand again. Kei began going to the cafe less and less, because he was just too tired to leave the house.

One morning in the middle of the summer, Kei noticed something that terrified him. It was actually what he didn’t notice that scared him. Every once and awhile, Caven would take Kei and have him point out anything he thought might not be real. This morning, when the two boys were doing this routine, everything Kei pointed out was real. Caven could see each and every one of them. When he described them to Kei, it was exactly how Kei saw it. Meaning, his mind didn’t make anything up. Kei was seeing everything as it was.

A little shaken, Kei began to really take a look at his surroundings, searching for anything out of the ordinary. There was nothing. No shadow people. No triangular apples or yellow tree trunks. Not even the hobo standing in the corner playing his banjo. No matter how much he searched, there was nothing. This worried Kei more than a little. Schizophrenia didn’t just go away. Something was wrong. Close to tears, Kei tried to go to Caven, but his legs wouldn’t work. He fell into Caven, who wrapped his arms around Kei to catch him, and to comfort him.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry, Kei.” Kei was sniffing, and he was trying to fight back tears. “It’ll be alright. Maybe this is a good thing! I know it’s not likely, but there could still be a chance that this is good! It’ll be okay.” Kei clung to Caven, burying his face in Caven’s shirt. He knew that Caven was wrong. There was no way. There had to be something wrong. But inside, Kei wanted it to be true. He wanted to believe he was fine. He wanted to believe that from now on, he would just be schizophrenia free, and that nothing else was wrong with him. He wanted this to be good so bad. So Kei decided to ignore the rational part of his brain and just enjoy the fact that he was free from his condition. It’s not like anybody could do anything to help him if there was a problem, anyways.

Kei and Caven were on the couch one night, video chatting with Tommi and Keni on the phone they had given Caven for one of his birthdays. “Oh my god, did you see that idiot on the news?” Keni was ranting. “He was all like, ‘I believe that this country is nearly perfect. The only thing that would make it better was if we raised taxes for small businesses and lowered them for the more successful businesses.’ How the heck did we get this idiot as a president? ‘Nearly perfect country’ my butt! We’re crapping up the air with pollution, and nobody even seems to care about the earth anymore! This guy is a complete idiot! A possum would make a much better president! A goblin would make a better president, and they don’t even exist! Get your brain checked, man! I mean, come on dude, you stupid, fat-” At this point, Keni’s speech had erupted into strings of colorful language and hand gestures. They were completely livid, giving thousands of reasons why the president was a fat oaf that didn’t know what he was talking about.

Tommi was beside Keni, giggling, and Caven was laughing so hard he nearly fell off the couch. Kei was covering his hand with his mouth, laughing, trying not to cry. The whole thing was stupid, but Keni was making such a big deal over it, which made everybody find it hilarious.

Caven sat up on the couch, wiping tears from his eyes. “I think we’re gonna turn in for the night. Kei looks like he’s about to drop.” Kei had stopped laughing and was yawning and rubbing his eyes, seeming like he was only seconds from passing out on the couch.

“Alright. See you tomorrow at work, Caven!” Tommi said cheerfully, then ended the video chat.

“You can take the bed tonight.” Caven said. “You look like you need a good fifty years worth of sleep. You can’t get a good night’s sleep on this couch.” Kei blinked gratefully at Caven, then pushed himself up onto his feet.

But as Kei began to walk towards the bedroom, he suddenly crashed to the floor. He landed with a hard thud, and his forehead hit the hardwood floor with a loud crack. Kei slowly sat up, rubbing his head, then turned to look up at Caven. The two of them stared at each other, stunned into silence. It wasn’t shocking that he fell; he had been doing a lot of falling recently. But he had never fell that quickly, or that roughly. A small red trickle dripped down the front of Kei’s face. Still stunned, Kei wiped the blood away, but it kept coming, dripping off of his face and forming a puddle on the floor. He stared blankly down at his bloody hand, almost as if he didn’t know what it was, and then he looked up at Caven, who was still looking at him in shock. Then, his eyes rolling back into his head, Kei passed out, tipping over sideways and collapsing in a pool of his own blood on the floor.

A few days later when Caven came back from work, his arms were full of things. “Hey, Kei!” He called. “I’ve got stuff for you!”

Kei shakily sat up in the bed and watched Caven stagger into the room, trying not to drop his load. “Tommi and Keni heard you were sick, so they got you some stuff!” Caven dropped everything he was carrying onto the bed, and Kei stretched his hand forward to reach into the pile.

Kei pulled out a card from the heap. The front was plain red, but when he opened it, he started laughing. The card was covered with terrible drawings of people with no proportions whatsoever. All of their faces were shaded in red and they had smoke coming out of their ears. Their faces suggested that they were constipated. On the right side of the card, there was a message.

Feel better soon, boi, or I’ll have a conniption like all of these bois.

-Keni

P.S. I’ve got a request for a drawing…

Kei read the request, and smiled. Then he set down the card and went through the rest of the pile.

Tommi had given him a vase full of flowers, and a card to go with it. Both Tommi and Keni had gotten him a tsunami of stuffed animals; it was a wonder how Caven had managed to carry everything himself. Kei positioned everything on the bookshelf beside the bed so that the stuffed animals surrounded the vase of flowers and the cards.

“Oh, Keni mentioned that she put in something in their card about how they had a request for a drawing.” Caven told Kei. Kei nodded. “I’ll get you some paper and a pencil so you can draw if you feel like it.” Caven left the room for a few moments and came back with the paper and pencil. Kei smiled appreciatively as Caven handed him the drawing supplies. He grabbed a large hardcover book from the bookshelf and placed the paper on it for support, then began to draw.

“Hey, Kei.” Kei was about to drift asleep that night when he was poked by a finger. Kei opened his eyes and struggled to sit up in the bed. Caven was looking at him, grinning. “I’ve got something to show you. It only happens once a year, and it’s going on tonight.” Kei blinked, then scooted to the edge of the bed. He was about to attempt to stand, but Caven suddenly crouched with his back facing Kei. “Here, piggyback me.”

Kei wrapped his arms around Caven’s neck, and Caven lifted Kei onto his back. The boy looked up over his shoulder at Kei. “You ready?” Kei nodded, wrapping his arms tighter around Caven to make sure he stayed on. Caven grinned, then carried Kei out of the house and into the forest.

As he took a couple of steps into the trees, a movement beside him caught Caven’s eye. He turned his head, and he saw that it was the fox from a year ago. It’s ribs were visible in its flank, and it had acquired a limp. But it’s green eyes had remained bright, as if the fox was saying, “Take a look. I may have gotten skinny, I may have gotten frail, but I sure as heck am not about to give up now!”

Seeing how the fox had gotten weaker made Caven acutely aware of Kei’s small form on his back. He now couldn’t help but notice how painfully light Kei was. And Kei was shaking an awful lot, as if he were cold, even though it was extremely warm outside. Caven knew Kei wasn’t in good shape, but he never thought it was this bad. Caven was worried, but he made sure he didn’t let it show. He didn’t want to make Kei worry too.

After awhile of walking, Caven stepped out of the trees into a wide open field. Kei’s eyes were wide. The field fanned out in every direction so that the end of the field wasn’t visible to Kei. The grass was short and green and smelled fresh. The dark sky was covered with an explosion of stars and a few pale clusters of clouds. The setting itself was astonishing, but what really had Kei in awe was what was in the air.

Thousands of fireflies were dancing in the sky. Everywhere he looked, Kei could see thousands of flickering lights, both faint and strong. The light they omitted was a pale green-gold, and it left a beautiful afterglow in the air. It was a natural light show, stunning and beautiful.

Caven set Kei down on the grass, and the two boys sat back to back. Kei had stopped shivering and was looking up at the fireflies, smiling. Caven found himself smiling too as he watched Kei’s fascinated expression. The dark haired boy looked relaxed and at peace for the first time in months. Still smiling, Caven turned his head and looked up at the sky, taking in the stars and the fireflies that floated in his vision.

“Do you like it?” Caven asked. He could feel Kei nodding against the back of his head. Caven closed his eyes, smiling. “I thought you might.”

Suddenly, Caven felt Kei shifting behind him. “Something wrong, Kei?” Caven turned to see what was wrong, but Caven saw that Kei had just moved so that he was facing Caven. Caven opened his mouth to ask again what was wrong, but he didn’t get the chance to say anything before Kei suddenly wrapped his arms around Caven and pulled him into a hug. For a moment, Caven just sat there unmoving, stunned, but then he lifted his arms and returned Kei’s hug, warmth spreading in his chest. “I’m guessing this is your way of saying thanks?” Caven said, smiling. Kei nodded, resting his forehead on Caven’s shoulder. Caven smiled, putting his hand on Kei’s head and ruffling his hair. “You’re welcome, Kei. I’m glad to see you happy.” Kei sat back, releasing Caven from the hug, and smiled at Caven. Caven smiled back, and the two of them returned to watching the fireflies, this time sitting side by side, Caven unknowingly resting his hand on top of Kei’s.

Eventually, Caven felt Kei’s body sag against his own, and his head drooped against Caven’s head, and when Caven looked over, Kei was fast asleep, a small, content smile still on his face. A firefly had landed on his nose, illuminating his face. Caven moved slowly, careful not to disturb Kei and wake him, and moved Kei gently so that he was piggybacking Caven again. The firefly on Kei’s nose took off into the air and joined the rest. Caven took a moment to look up at Kei and smiled, then he walked back into the forest, the fireflies creating a shimmering dome around the two boys as Caven carried Kei into the forest and brought him home.

The next morning when Caven woke up, Kei was still asleep. He had been meaning to tell Kei that he had to work a shift at the cafe for the next day and night in an attempt to earn a little more money. Oh, well. A note would just have to do.

Caven got a sticky note from a drawer in the kitchen and wrote a note for Kei. Kei, I’m going on an all day and all night shift at the cafe. I’ll be back tomorrow. Caven

Caven stuck the sticky note on the wall over the bed so Kei would be able to see it when he woke up. Caven took a moment and looked down at Kei’s sleeping face. His skin was extremely pale, as it had been since he’d fallen ill, but he looked calm. Peaceful. Smiling gently, Caven lightly brushed away a strand of Kei’s hair that was resting over the bridge of his nose and in the middle of his face. Caven then stood and took a final look at Kei’s sleeping form, then he walked out of the house and left for work.

When Kei woke up, he didn’t see Caven anywhere. Kei couldn’t hear any movement anywhere in the house, and Kei double checked to make sure Caven wasn’t outside or anything. There was a sticky note stuck above Kei’s head on his right side, and Kei reached up and tugged it off of the wall. It explained how Caven had to work an extra long shift at the cafe and would be gone for the next day and night. Ah, that would explain his absence.

Suddenly, Kei noticed something was off. For the first time in a very long time, he felt perfectly fine. He didn’t feel overly tired, which was alarming more than a little since he literally passed out the night before in the firefly field. Kei’s limbs weren’t weak or shaky; he had been able to take the sticky note off of the wall just fine, and he hadn’t struggled to sit up in bed this morning. Kei even felt like his legs would hold him up if he tried to stand. All of this should have been a reason to rejoice, but in his gut Kei could tell something was wrong. He knew there was no way he could magically become better in less than a day, and he had a bad feeling in his stomach, heavy and hard like a rock. Then something in his brain clicked, and he suddenly knew. It was time.

Kei had already come up with a plan for when the time came, but now that it was actually here, Kei found that he was frozen. His mind kept returning back to the past year, replaying memories in his mind like a broken record. It went back to the times he spent at the cafe with Caven, Tommi, and Keni. It went back to all of the times Kei would sit with Caven and draw while his friend wrote poems, and to all the times Keni and Tommi would hang up Kei’s pictures, saying how Kei was amazing and that their customers would admire his new work. It went back to the night before, when Caven had carried him into the field to look at the fireflies. It went back to the very first time he met Caven, when he was huddled in the forest, hiding from Ed. Hiding from Lizzy. Hiding from himself. Caven had found him, had brought him in, had looked after him when he was on the brink of giving up. Caven had saved him.

Kei hunched over and buried his face in his hands, silent sobs wracking his small body. He had never been afraid of death. But now that his time was near, he felt fear and sadness lodged in his throat, making it hard to breath. He had loved the times he spent around Tommi and Keni. He had loved being able to live without fear of being hit or criticized. He had loved all the times with Caven, whether it was drawing, going to work with him, or just listening to Caven talk to him. He didn’t want it to be over. He didn’t want any of it to be over. Only a single thought was racing in his mind now. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.

Finally, Kei wiped his eyes and hauled himself to his feet for the first time since his bad fall. He didn’t have much time, and if he wanted to be able to do what he was planning to do, he had to do it now.

Kei stood, and to his relief, his legs supported him. Thanks for working the one time I need you to the most, legs. Kei thought as he crossed the bedroom and walked out the door into the rest of the house.  

There was a stack of papers on the counter in the kitchen, and beside it was a cup full of pencils, pens, and even a paintbrush. Kei took a couple of sheets of paper from the pile, a pencil from the cup, and a handheld sharpener beside the cup and paper and took them back to the bedroom. He shakily sat down on the bed and paused for a moment to catch his breath. He hadn’t walked that much in awhile, and it had taken the breath out of him. After a moment, Kei took a deep breath and sat back in the bed. Then he picked up the paper, sharpened the pencil, and began to write.

Caven saw the fox when he was walking up to his house after his shift. He was looking out at the underbrush for no reason in particular when he spotted the scarlet fur lying in a heap among the bushes. Curious, Caven slowly made his way over to the fox’s body.

There was no movement from the small animal, not even the gentle rising and falling of its flank. Caven very cautiously reached out and placed his hand on the fox’s bony side. It was cold and stiff.

Despite only seeing the fox a few times, Caven felt a strong sense of loss at the fox’s death. He had felt a silent connection to it, as if it was there just for him and Kei. Now that it was dead, Caven had felt as if he had lost a friend.

Caven went around the side of his house and retrieved a shovel that was leaning against the side of the building and made his way back to the fox. He dug the shovel into the dirt beside the dead fox and began to dig. Finally after a few minutes, he had dug a hole that was big enough for the fox. He dropped the shovel, then very gently he slipped his hands underneath the fox’s cold body, lifted it off of the ground, and placed it in the hole. Then he picked up the shovel and covered the small body with dirt. As he was watching the scarlet ur disappear under the dirt, Caven began to get a bad feeling in his stomach. It got worse as he finished and went to return the shovel to its original spot. By the time Caven went up the stairs of his porch and opened the door to his house, the unease in his stomach was so bad it made him feel sick.

When Caven entered his home, the house was extremely quiet. “Kei, I’m back!” he called. Of course, there was no reply. Caven made his way into the bedroom and found Kei laying on his back, his eyes closed. The unease in his stomach suddenly spiked, and Caven had to force himself to ignore it, scolding himself. Kei was sleeping, he told himself. Nothing was wrong.

Something caught Caven’s eye on the bookshelf beside the vase. There was a piece of paper folded neatly into thirds laying as if it belonged there. In familiar, tiny handwriting, he saw the words To Caven written on one side of the paper. Confused, Caven shoved the paper in the pocket of his pants and turned to Kei.

“Hey, Kei, what’s that paper?” There was no movement from Kei. “Kei, wake up. What’s this paper?” Caven shook Kei gently. There was still no movement. Caven suddenly noticed that Kei was extremely pale, paler than he had been in the last few months. A stab of panic hit him.

“Kei?” Caven said, frantically shaking him. “C’mon, Kei! Wake up! Please! You gotta get up!” Caven placed his ear over Kei’s chest, searching for a heartbeat. He heard none. He placed his fingers over the veins in Kei’s neck and wrist. There was no pulse. Caven felt tears welling up in his eyes, and he began to mentally swear at himself. He shouldn’t have ignored the bad feeling. He should have immediately noticed that something was wrong.

“Kei!” Caven wailed. He was crying hard, his cheeks soaked with tears. A few droplets splashed onto Kei’s still face and ran down his cheek. Caven felt his throat close, and he collapsed on top of Kei, burying his face in Kei’s shirt as a horrible sob escaped him. “You can’t leave me, Kei! You’re all I have! Please come back! Please!”

Caven lay like this for awhile, sobbing, before he finally lifted his head and stared down at Kei’s still body. He felt utterly lost. He didn’t know what to do now. How could he go through everyday now without Kei? His missing presence would always be there, reminding Caven that he was gone, stabbing him in the chest like a knife. Shaking, Caven crawled away from the bed. He had to get Keni and Tommi. They had to know what happened. And more importantly, they would know what to do.

But as Caven ran for the door, he stopped, frozen in his tracks. If Keni and Tommi came to his house, they would know. They would know that his family was dead. They might tell CPS. CPS would definitely put Caven in foster care, which was exactly the reason why Caven hadn’t told Tommi and Keni that his family was dead. For a moment, Caven stood rooted to the floor with indecision. Finally, he mentally shook himself. It didn’t matter anymore if Tommi, Keni, or CPS found out. Kei came first. Taking a shaky breath, Caven threw open the door to his house and ran for the cafe.

When Caven brought Tommi and Keni back to the house, they had confirmed Caven’s worst fears. Kei was gone. Keni and Tommi hugged Caven as he collapsed beside Kei, crying. Tommi kept telling Caven how sorry she was, crying too, while Keni turned their head away and tried to mask the fact that they were crying as well. After that, Tommi and Keni helped Caven bury Kei’s frail body in the field where the fireflies had been.

Caven was scared that Keni and Tommi would call CPS on him. They had every reason to. But to his surprise, they were sympathetic with his situation. They understood that he didn’t want to be put into foster care. But they also said he shouldn’t live by himself. Not at his age. So Keni and Tommi talked to the officials of the town and they were allowed to buy the house in the woods. The town turned on the electricity, water, and everything else in the house, and Keni and Tommi moved in with Caven. It was like he had parents again.

A few months after Caven had gone to get Keni and Tommi, Caven was walking by himself in the woods. He was wearing the same clothes from the day Kei had died, which brought back many memories of Kei; happy ones, and ones that hurt to think about.

When Kei had come into Caven’s life, the world around him became more vivid and beautiful. Kei’s existence had brightened Caven’s whole life. After Kei died, Caven expected all the color, all the beauty, to drain away and leave nothing but a cold, empty shell of a world. But everything remained bright. Everything remained colorful. Kei had made a huge impact on Caven’s life, and he had made sure that it would never go away. In a way, it was almost as if Kei was saying, “I made you care about me! Haha, now you’ve gotta suffer through my death everyday! Deal with it!  

Soon Caven found that his feet had carried him to the field Caven had taken Kei to the night before he died. The fireflies had long since disappeared, going underground to get ready for hibernation. The leaves on the trees had become a fiery sea against the blue sky. A chill was nipping the air, and Caven zipped up his sweatshirt to keep warm.

Suddenly, as the memory of the night in the clearing kept replaying in his mind, Caven remembered the piece of paper he had found on the bedside table. Caven shoved his hand into his pocket and felt around until he found the paper, then he pulled it out and carefully unfolded it. Another piece of paper fell out from the first one, and when Caven inspecte it closer, he saw it was the drawing Keni had requested. He put it in his pocket to give to Keni later, then looked back to the first piece of paper. It was a letter. Caven felt his breath catch, and he swallowed back a lump in his throat and began to read.

Caven,

I just read your note. I love how much you love your job. Ha, great way to start a letter, I know.

Anyways, I think it’s time I told you about myself. I use to live with my dad Ed and my sister Lizzy. I know, you’re probably all like, “be happy that you even had a family!” but let’s just say it wasn’t exactly a happy family. My dad didn't like me very much. In fact, I think he hated me. He didn’t like the fact that I was emo, and I wasn’t interested in anything he wanted me to be interested in. He wanted me to be in love with sports, and hunting, and just overall guy stuff. In other words, he wanted me to be like him. But all I wanted to do was draw, read, write, and play instruments. And the fact that I couldn’t speak made him all the more ashamed of me. He always assumed I was gay, and he kept using the word “feminine” as an insult. I guess he was sort of right. I mean, now that I think about it, I never really found girls attractive. In all of the movies Lizzy watched, she would point out all of the “hot” girls and tell me I should like them, but I never did. Whenever she would squeal and say, “Oh my GOSH that guy is soooooo HOT!” I would find myself thinking the same thing, but, y’know, with less “oh my GOSH he’s soooooo hot!!!” and more “man, he’s cute.” But my dad was totally wrong on the feminine thing. Sure, I’m bigender, but I identify as non binary and male, not female and male. Wow, I’m way off track. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my sexuality and gender identity and stuff. I’m not a narcissist, Caven, I swear! I can almost imagine you thinking, “what a narcissistic butthole,” so stop right there! Anyways, back to my life story(again, I’m not a narcissist!).

Lizzy hated me too. She wanted the perfect brother. And her image of the perfect brother was a big, strong jock. Y’know, the kind who shoves his friends, bullies people, and flirts with all the “hot” girls. And that just wasn’t me. Lizzy kept on telling me how I needed to man up, learn how to speak, and stop believing in monsters and shadow people. First of all, it’s not that easy! It’s not that I don’t know how to talk. I was born with a disfigured throat(before you think, “how come it doesn’t LOOK disfigured, Kei?” don’t. It’s only disfigured on the inside. I’m in your mind, Caven. I know what you think every time, every day. I’m obviously a psychic. Us mute children have special powers to make up for the lack of speech. I mean, come on. Obviously. How did you not know this, Caven?). It affected my vocal ability, so no sound came out. Like, at all. And secondly, my schizophrenia made me see things that weren’t there. Things that scared me. In my life, monsters and shadow people did exist, so take that, Lizzy!

Caven laughed, his eyes watering from laughing at the letter and sadness from hearing from Kei for the first time. He never thought that Kei was so cleverly sarcastic. He always seemed like he would be quiet and shy if he could speak. Now Caven was thinking he’d be the kid that would outsmart everyone and tick them off with his snarky insults. Wiping his eyes, Caven continued to read.

All of the kids at my school were the same way. They kept telling me to learn how to speak, stop believing in stupid childhood stories, and that I was a pathetic excuse of a person. I got bullied by almost everyone, verbally, physically, and emotionally, so eventually I just decided to stop going to school. After I stopped going to school was when I got bold enough to do everything I wanted to do without caring if Ed or Lizzy found out. Of course, they found out immediately, because I’m just that lucky. I mean, I’m mute, schizophrenic, and I get bullied. Basically, I’m the total package. Anyways, imagine how my dad reacted when he found out his feminine gay son was skipping school to do “girly thing,” according to him. It was funny to see him so ticked off, but it stopped getting so funny when he began to hurt me. He even encouraged Lizzy take swings at me. Before I started doing all this, Ed and Lizzy never really abused me other than verbally and emotionally. I mean, occasionally they would push or hit me, but it was never bad enough to really hurt me.

So, at this point, the abuse had gone from verbal to physical. That was when I had enough. After a huge blow up with my dad which involved me painting my room “the devil’s color” according to my dad(it was only black, sheesh!), I finally just opened the door and ran(after seeing a second Ed ready to tear out my guts with a knife and biting my dad. I got a mouthful of his TOTALLY delicious blood, of course. Doesn’t everyone bite their dad and bathe in the taste of his blood before running away?). I ran all the way across town and into the woods. After I ran out of the house, my schizophrenia got even worse. I kept seeing shadow people and demons, and voices telling me how I was worthless I was. I was so terrified that I just dropped to the ground and curled into a ball, trying to tune it all out. I had never wanted to disappear more than in that moment. And that’s when you found me.

Caven, there are no words to describe how much your actions meant to me. I had never been accepted anywhere, and finally you came and welcomed me into your home. You didn’t treat me like I was crazy. You didn’t tell me to “man up” or to “learn to speak.” You didn’t bully me, harass me, or make me feel like utter trash. You saved me. If you hadn’t come and spoke offered your hand to me, I would have been dead by morning. You broke through the darkness of my life. You gave me a reason not to give up. And I can’t thank you enough for that.

So, Caven, that’s about it. I’ve said all the words I’ve ever wanted to say to you. All except for three.

I love you

Author's Note

I did this is writing class. If you are triggered by abuse, then you should probably not read this ;-;