Love and Betrayal

Your smile kills the darkness in my heart

Hours near you seem like fleeting moments

But fate is cruel and we must be apart

Betraying a friend has no atonements

It was only one night spent together

Walking elated far above the clouds

Around you I'm floating like a feather

Then reality drapes me in black shrouds

Should I follow the siren calls of love?

Should I steal you from the arms of a friend?

To be as hated as rats in a pub

Breaking something that I may never mend

If I give in and confess all that is true, 

Will you love me the way that I love you?

Reviews

[Phantom Heart]

It does get the emotion across perfectly. I enjoyed this piece because of the emotion and the truth that in life you cannot help who you love and that love can be a risk. The best outcomes, sometimes, are the ones that develop in time. and sometimes waiting just might spark that time. If that makes any sense...See your poem flared that forbidden yet needful emotion!

[Holiday Sparkle]

I think it is good, But if you keep working on it, it could be GREAT. Try to get rid of the more "cliche" lines...like the last two for sure, and some of the others lines.

but I like some of them a lot such as " the reality drapes me in black shrouds"
try to mix it up.

Hope this wasnt harsh.

however, the emotion and point is well felt, but could be more effective.

[Aleyah]

!! This captured me! I love how candid, yet beautiful and flowing it is...fantastic piece! I love the first stanza, it really pulled me in :) the last stanza is beautifully written...simple, but expressive. and to answer your question, YES :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

slapping piece that grabs the reader by the neck and tells them to feel the emotion at hand, well written, a great read.