Lucky Angel

i like this one, but even though i've been trying to edit it, it's just not going anywhere else

You smile, you have so much to smile about

And I watch it all like it’s an autobiography

Backwards and blacklit in a neon apocalypse

A reeking plague blanket turned into a bed

Eating is puking and belching is breathing

And every friend came by easy

Dissolves and congeals

And is a night long with misery

It’s the story of my life

Splitting time between the fantasies I have of how it would be if I were a little faster

Whole life it’s been the same, I miss it by an inch or a minute

“If only I had another second another chance to redo it”

It’s like two horses pulling me apart

And I’ve been hit by so many cars

But we only go around once so I’ve got to make it worth it

Gonna make up for it so it’s as good as two lives and I better prove it

I’ll learn by watching you, lucky angel

 

Naïve as much as I’m alive, I swear to God it matters not

How many times my heart divides, it is never any less because of what I give away to

You, the many you

I break the bonds that hold me to this one or a distant other and yet those chains remain, but they fall light upon my neck and seep the sweetness of their weight into my throat, and I find satisfaction in such slavery

Your lips are numbing, our tongues entwined in one knot aflame

Teeth thunder shudder rumble and fall

Backward we tumble and embrace this appalling game

We wonder who else will play

We’re in love with the strain we place on each other

The things that I whisper rile you

And the way that you choke me

Brings me to nirvana, the silence

The long road we took here, the climax we reached

You never knew, did you, the ultimate scene

Would be the freefalling race of you leaving me

But you can fly, lucky angel

 

Rereading the letter over and over

I slide a scalpel in between the front and back sheets

Cut it into two copies, then repeat

Over and over until I have enough to create

A paper balloon shaped like a human,

Thinnest skin, a translucent you that I can see right through

And I dissect every word, but some of them are empty

Just thrown in to rhyme, and some are worse

So personal that I’ll never know where they came from

And what they mean to you,

And worst are the ones I can reach,

I read into them and see the bottom, and they’re deep

But hidden in your message is the truth that you will go soon

But I forgive you, lucky angel

 

I’m from the school of thought that practice makes perfect

So I try my hardest, but it’s all for nothing

It’s a game of chance, you can’t get better at Russian roulette

No matter how many times I play by myself

Three rounds in the chamber, I’m addicted to danger

And since you’ve been gone it’s been harder to come by

It’s a depression in pleasure, and you tried to deny it

You never knew how deep it went, I never quite told you

I couldn’t admit to it, so I tried to be noble

And spare you the burden, but now I’ve got no more to give

I gambled and lost and you’ve cashed your chips in

Would you have given them back if you knew I was broken?

I think you would, lucky angel

Author's Note

let me know what you think, thanks.

Reviews

[Shellie]

This is unbelievable!! I understand why it can't be edited - It just cant!!! I love it all I hope your very proud of yourself for such a stunning piece!

[Tai Chi Italy]

I think it is stunningly beautiful poetic prose written from the heart of who you think you are. I would add that in my opinion, only love holds the lucky key. None of us can judge what doors she can open.

Smiling at you

Tai