Why

stream of consciousness? it's something

You ask why. Because I'm tired. Because my muscles ache. Because my stomach hurts whenever I eat anything. Because my eyes hurt and I don't want to see anything anymore, because everything I've ever seen I've hated. Because I hate other people every bit as much as I hate being alone.

 

Because things are fake. Because the world rewards people who have a very specific set of goals and ambitions and talents, because that means people like us need to change ourselves and pretend to be something we're not in order to succeed. Because people lie and cheat to get ahead, and because everyone knows it. Because we glorify the people we should revile. Because no one ever does anything to correct the injustices in the world.

 

Because people gain your trust and then abuse it. Because they give up what they have if it isn't good enough, even though other people would die for it. Because religion leads to war. Because everything leads to war. Because all the best people are ostracized by society for inconsequential flaws, but scumbags are celebrated for posessing the little things that get you ahead in life. Because food makes you feel better when you eat it, and because it makes you feel like s**t once it's in your body. Because drugs that alter the brain make me feel normal. Because things don't make sense.

 

Because people are terrible. Because they take pleasure in the pain of others. Because they get mad at the world for it's faults, and then contribute to those problems. Because people expect everything to be handed to them and for life to be easy. Because people selfishly ask for the help of others who usually need help themselves. Because I am one of those people.

 

Because as much as I say, "No one understands me", you do. Because I hate it when people see through my smokescreen, when they penetrate my defenses and see the real me. Because I hate the real me.

 

Because people die young. Because I can't stop thinking about things that make me cringe. Because of animal abuse. Because of ignorance. Because a few close-minded individuals can turn people off to what should be a great idea. Because everyone wants to be happy but no one is willing to do what it takes. Because people are afraid of things that they shouldn't be afraid of. Because people inhale chemicals. Because children have birth defects. Because no one ever has enough money, not even the people who have more than they know what to do with.

 

Because status is important to people. Because not everyone likes where they grew up. Because the lucky people who loved their childhood homes are always forced to leave. Because friends seperate. Because they never get back together, even when they say they want to, even when they deeply, passionately want to. Because people break up, and because the one who gets hurt is usually the one who did nothing wrong. Because nobody cares about art or music. Because nobody wants to be human. Because they would rather be angels or animals and ignore all the beauty that lies between.

 

Because things change. Because people grow up. Because the things we recognize from our youth fade away and fall apart. Because things that should last forever are torn down to make way for things less permenant. Because mountains are never as tall when you're older. Because when we fulfill our hearts' desires we find only ordinary things. Because we can never hold onto our dreams any longer than it takes to achieve them. Because the waking world is never as wonderous as we imagined it. Because this is life and I have no right to complain about it.

 

Because I'm tired, and this is the only way to get the sleep I need. Thats why.