Prosper Pines

it's not good, but i had a really bad week so this is what i wrote instead of finishing all my half written stories like i wanted to

 

On nights like tonight,

it isn’t cold but I’m still shivering.

On nights like tonight,

I can feel the blood beating through my body,

the way it splashes around

inside and out.

Pulse, pulse, pulse.

Over and over,

like a drummer at the gallows

or a bugler on Taps.

I can hear myself think,

and I can hear skin

crawling noisily across my guts.

I can see everything on

dark, bitter, lonely nights

like tonight

 

So there, you did it, you got your way

and now it’s done and

can’t we just move on?

No, you’d like to

but you won’t allow it,

you keep coming back for more,

to gnaw on my bleached bones.

Sharks are not so vicious,

they take their fill and leave,

never gorging themselves beyond

necessity

 

Walk to the beat of the morbid drummer,

hear the words

succinct and heartless.

Never more than you need to know,

but you needed to hear it

and hear it from me.

I can take it,

you need some more.

Familiarity breeds immunity,

immunity breeds addiction.

I will go on,

follow my own footsteps

out into the unknown.

I may find myself returning,

whether the way I know

or to another place entirely -

brightly lit and

full of mirrors and memories.

It’s not up to me anymore,

the path is laid and I am a train

tied to the tracks,

or a damsel,

or a villain.

Promise me this,

faithless friends:

that when you see the blackness

that walks in my place,

you will not question with impunity,

but will recognize instead

the fruits of your labors

Author's Note

almost all my poems come out something like this, so general advice would be appreciated, even though this one is bad and i don't have high hopes for correcting it

Reviews

[Drew Wade]

I think this poem is really amazing for the first two stanzas
"and I can hear skin

crawling noisily across my guts." This is a truly amazing line..

the poem only starts falling apart in the third, and even then it still remains good. I think the one thing you could do to make this poem a lot better without changing any of the words, is perhaps breaking up a few of those long lines in the third stanza. that will help keep the flow going in the reader's mind.