Dear whoever

Kinda a sad story

Dear whoever, 

Depression is defined as a mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of apatite and sleep. Sometimes well more often It feels like the world is spinning and your just standing there. Being quiet, a gateway to overthink and go to that dark place in your head. Thoughts flow back and fourth through your head "your ugly", "your not good enough", "loser", "your fat", "you don't belong anywhere". The image you see is broken, shattered by the words you tell your self.When you eat there's something telling you that you shouldn't eat so much, telling you how fat you are. Starving and sad you hide you pain from the world. Want no one to know how you feel so you put a smile on, a fake happy smile. Pushing all of the anger and sadness that you feel down. No matter how how hard you try somehow all those feeling come back in tears. Filling the bottle you put all of your feelings in until that bottle breaks. All those feelings come rushing back, trying not to scream instead cry. Numbness fills your body, nothing just nothing. Waking up in the morning is hard isn't it? All your days on repeat a never ending cycle of the same exact day.  All your days blending together. Your body is ready to get up but your mind is holding you captive, sleep is your escape. As your days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months of the same thing. Living your life captive in your own mind, with insecurity's and own self doubt. When things like music and sleeping are your only escape. When things that gave you joy and happiness no longer give you happiness or any motivation to do anything. Sitting alone in self isolation and torture. Wondering if you'll every feel happiness again. Wishing that one of these days your mind will be at peace. You don;t want to die but you also don't want to live. If you die you will hurt so many people. But living keeps you in your own living hell of pain and hurt. Wanting to go but knowing that keeping my head above the water just for a little but longer with be worth it. Knowing that one day you'll feel better and all this pain will make you stronger. You've gone through this battle alone, knowing that it hurts and makes you weak. You know that trusting people is hard for you. You don't like letting people in because that's what hurt you in the past. Letting people in is hard, caring is hard cause you know if you start to care and they leave , you are just going to break all over again. Wondering what you did wrong to make them leave. Wanting what you used to have but knowing that it is gone, knowing that they are gone. Slipping back to the dark place you tried so hard to get out of. As days go on to months to years slowly gluing the pieces back together you will still be unhappy and sad. Always wishing that your pain will go away.

Author's Note

Ignore spelling mistakes and grammar problems