The day has yet to end

Will this be the day?
The answer of this question I can not say,

I feel nothing now
should there not be pain?
It started in pain
Lived in anger
Grew in fear
Surrounded by betrayal
Loved by lies

To myself I do harm
No longer do I care
Will it be a quick flick of a razor over my wrist?
Watching blood well up and bead down my arm
I no longer care
I have no reason to stay
it is to myself I seek not to harm
but end what others began

There is nothing for me
No pain
No pleasure
No anger
No joy
Nothing floating in an empty pit drowning in numbness

For those that still look to see I still play my part
Can still play the clown
This smile I wear is not real
I laugh laughter I do not feel

I no longer care, I have lost the ability too
I have no dreams
No soul
I am damaged
I am ugly
I am useless

The bottle of pills I stare at longingly
To simply go to sleep
To fade away
Not forced to bare this another day

Sometimes life gets too much to bare alone
Those that promised to be there gone
The promises of love.... lies told all the time
They took what they could and now alone I am
More alone then when I started

Why do I bare the emptiness alone
Why should I when no one cares
Why fight when I want it to end

I wish I still had the pain
I wish anger remained
but I am just an empty shell

Surely damned to hell if I do and a different hell if I don't
Which of the two hurts less
I fear I know the Hell I will choose

Some say it is a cowards way out
I don't care
the emptiness inside I no longer want to live this way

Will this be the day I finally stop it all?
Will this be the day I finally fall?
Honestly? I do not know
The day is not yet over........