Randa: Okay new readers we, the muses, would like to ask if we have this in the right genre, because we are utterly new to this site, so please don't be to harsh on the placement of this.
Wonton: However, if there is something completely wrong with the writing, please go a head and tell us.
Dekan: In fact we encourage it. Please and thank you.
Cree: Have at it
Wonton: Extra note- This story is a work of fiction any similarities to people places or events are purely coincidental.
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Don't Ask; Don't Tell
I sat with my eyes downcast to my lap. Sitting next to my parents, I felt horrible for not being able to shed a tear for my elder brother. Even my father couldn’t stop the tears form spilling from his eyes, but I had already cried, and I couldn’t bring myself to do so again. I knew my brother wouldn’t wish for the people he cared for most to dwell over his loss. Also, I was angry, not at my brother– heavens no– but at the unfairness of our American laws, and my parents’ behavior. As Nathaniel’s flag was folded the two didn’t even bother to glance at the person sitting directly behind them. My brother’s best friend– since the terrible twos–, lover, and fiancé sat in the seat behind my mother, maybe to pretend that flag was going to be handed to him, right before the honor was bestowed on my mother; the worst part is that both my brother’s fiancé and I know that my mother was not going to give that flag or any of my brother’s medals to my brother’s fiancé later.
I looked up from my hands, only to sneer at my mother as she accepted my brother’s flag. I sat quietly through taps and the commemorative shots. Once it was over I rose quickly out of my seat to go to the one person that would miss Nathaniel more than I. My father tried to stop me, but I ripped my shoulder out of his grip and turned only to glare at him and shake my head in disapproval. I bumped into my mother as I rushed to follow Nathaniel’s quickly departing fiancé.
“Sam!” I called desperately. “Sammy, wait!” Sam turned, his eyes were filled with unshed tears that were threatening to spill over. I pulled him over to his car and sat him in the passenger seat. I took his keys, so I could get away from the funeral, or rather get Sam away from the people at the funeral.
I kept my eyes trained on the road as I drove, not speaking. I let Sam cry in peace: knowing he didn’t want to go home, knowing his kid was in capable hands, knowing anything I said at the moment would only make Same feel worse, knowing that this was the worst time of year to get this news, knowing that he was going to have a hard time accepting that Nathaniel was never coming home again. I listened in silence as Sam’s harsh sobs gradually turned into ragged breathing then to evened out ragged breathing. Even when I knew Sam was asleep I kept driving: I didn’t want to go home, I didn’t want to tell Emmett why his daddy looked so horrible, and I definitely didn’t want to think about how to take Sam away from his somewhat blissful ignorance.
As the sun started setting I saw the flashing red and blue lights behind me. I checked the speedometer– I wasn’t speeding–, I checked for the lights as I pulled over– they were on–, and I wasn’t driving recklessly. I sat there waiting for the officer, grabbing my wallet for my driver’s licence. When the officer tapped on the window, I rolled down my window.
“Sir, I have my licence, I’m eighteen, My lights are on, I wasn’t speeding, I wasn’t...”
“Driving recklessly I know Kejlen, I was just looking for you two.” I was cut off by a familiar rich tenor. I looked up from the road and there standing next to my window was Anthony, a real good friend of Sam’s, even Nathaniel.
“Why exactly?”
“I wanted to know how Sam was holding up.”He looked worried. “The two of you just took off after the funeral, I was worried.”
“Oh, well, Sam’s not in a good way right now, but at least he’s out for a bit. I’m pretty pissed at my parents at the moment. They’ve pretty much stolen everything from Sam.”I replied in a low tone, conscious of the fact that Sam is a light sleeper. “If it weren’t for the fact that, Emmett is not biologically Nate’s, they would try to take him too. If I know them they’ll probably try any way.”
“It won’t get too far. Sure some of the old geezers at the station are a little backwards, but even they know that losing Em on top of Nate will break poor Sam. Plus Sam’s a good dad, and he’s got you and that mom of his helping him out.” Anthony reassured
“You, too? Right Anthony?” I looked back up at him, needing to know.
“Me too. I promise.” He gave me a grin.
“Thanks.” He leant through the window and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.
“Anything for you Kel. Do you need help getting him into his place? I’m pretty sure he won’t mind you staying at his place, just as long as you don’t try to drive around town all night.” He offered.
“That would be great. Though it is getting late so I should probably stop to get Emmett, he’s most likely wondering where his daddy is.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll follow you, okay.” I gave him a nother weak smile.
“You know you can be so wonderful.”
“Can be? I am wonderful!” He crowed as he made his way back to his cruiser.
I rolled my eyes as I rolled the window back up. I was feeling just a bit better as I crawled back onto the road, doing a uey, and made my way to Sam’s mom’s house. Sam’s mom, Marianne was a lovely woman, she had always been one hundred percent supportive of her son. Her husband was no longer with them, a veteran who gave his life, and the man had been just as supportive in life as well. Right now Marianne was taking care of her grandson, she had gladly watched the boy in favor over the funeral and reception.
I pulled up in front of the old family home surrounded by the rest of the street, I left the car running as I got out of the warm car and into the cold evening air. Anthony got out of his cruiser, just to check on Sam as I made my way up to Mary’s door. Before I even got there Emmett came running out of the door, most likely eager to see his dad, yelling ‘daddy’. He stopped short for a moment once he saw me, but then resumed and gave me a big hug. I looked up to see Mary in the doorway, all of Emmett’s things in her hand. I sent Emmett down to Anthony to get the boy strapped in as I went to say a few word to Sam’s mom.
“Sam in the car?” She asked me, her tone was sad.
“Yeah he’s out for the moment, hopefully between me and Andy, he can stay that way.” I told her.
“You staying with him?” Her eyes were sad, knowing that my family was falling to shambles, something she had done her best to keep from happening to her family after her husband had died.
“Yeah, I need some time to cool down, and even then I don’t think I could forgive them.” I could feel the frown on my face deepen. “They’ve always been blaming Sam for everything, but in all these past years I always though it should be you blaming Nate. If Nate hadn’t come out Sam probably would have married Emily after graduation.”
“I couldn’t blame Nate, I could always see how devoted they were to each other, I was seriously surprised how well Nate handled Sam even dating Emily.” She let out a small laugh. “He came to me before graduation and asked me if I would mind if he asked Sam out, I asked him why he hadn’t already.”
“I remember when Sam found out he’d knocked up that girl from Madison, He called up Nate straight away and told him everything then started bawling, asking Nate to forgive him. Nate called Emmett their little miracle.” I added on.
“Hey, It’s cold and it’s only going to get colder!” Anthony yelled from the car. “I suggest you let the lady get back inside so she doesn’t catch anything.”
I rolled my eyes at the man. “He right, you go inside where it’s warm and I’ll go take care of your boys.” I gave her a big hug, took Emmett’s stuff from her, and made my way back to the running car. Mary bid us farewell before she shut the door.
When I looked back at Emmett he was looking at his daddy with a sad expression on his face. I pulled away from the house before speaking to the boy.
“Your daddy’s really tired right now, so let him sleep.” Emmett nodded to my whispered statement.
“Daddy said Papa’s watching us from far away to make sure nothing bad happens to us, that Papa’s our guardian angel. That means Papa’s dead.” I looked at the boy through the rear view mirror. I think he saw me, even in the dark. “Gramma told me that about Grampa, so when Daddy told me that Papa’s our guardian angel I knew Papa wasn’t coming home.”
I gave Emmett a watery smile as tears welled up in my eyes, Emmett was such a smart six year old. “But your Papa did come home, he’s right inside you and your daddy’s hearts, like he’s always been.”
“Yours and Gramma’s and Andy’s too, right?”
Yeah, ours too.”
It didn’t take more than five minutes to get to Sam’s house. Anthony got Sam, and I let Emmet in the house. I settled the boy into bed and read him a story before returning to the living room. Anthony was settled on the couch the t.v. on low.
“You gonna stay here?” He asked me.
“Yeah. Sam looks like he needs the company, and I don’ think I can forgive my parents right away, if ever. I’ll go pick up some of my stuff tomorrow, but I think I’ll stick around here.” I sat next to him, staring at the t.v., but not really watching. An arm wrapped itself around my shoulder.
“You’re hurting too.” He stated, thinking of what Emmett said earlier and all that had transpired through out the day, tears welled up in my eyes again, I turned to Anthony and cried.
I don’t remember falling asleep, but the next morning I woke with a headache before any of the boys. I took some ibuprofen then set about making breakfast. When I heard stirring in the other rooms, I pulled out a glass, filling it with water and setting ibuprofen next to it. I didn’t even make it fully back to the stove when Sam walked through the kitchen door. The man was so out of it, that I son’t think he even noticed me, or the cooking breakfast on the stove as he took the glass of water and the tablets. When he sat at the table he stared at the wood, not even blinking.
Once I was done and served up the plates, I sat one in front of Sam and he blinked. Then he looked up at me, rather startled, and he gave me a sad smile. “You’re an amazing girl Kel.”
I smiled back at him, mine a tad happier than his. “I know, it’s a crime to go more than a week without my amazing culinary skills.” He gave a small laugh. “Now I’ll go get your other freeloader and your son up for breakfast.
That morning went along smoothly, even if the mood was a little dark. I decided that by lat afternoon I needed to get some of my things, if I was going to stay here. Sam let me borrow his car, Anthony came with me, if only to drive Sam’s car back. When we got there I told him to go on back, he tried to argue, but I really didn’t want Anthony to listen to the screaming match I was about to have with my mother.
I walked in the door and there was my mother. I pushed past her and up the stairs, but she followed me.
“And just where were you yesterday and today?” She asked as if she didn’t know.
“With Sam.” Was my short reply.
“You should have been with the family, grieving.” I sent her a look as I grabbed my school bag an placed it on my bed along with a bigger suitcase.
“I was with family grieving. I was with my would have been brother-in-law and my nephew.” The startled look in her eyes showed she hadn’t expected that.
“We’ve been thinking about trying to get custody of that boy. He needs a good stable home, with a mother and father, not a home with some indecisive man, who’ll have and different person around every week” I spun on the woman.
“Would you give it a rest! You and dad are the only ones not ever that. Sam was confused.” I yelled.
“That’s no excuse, he was in a relationship with your brother. He shouldn’t have been looking at another.” I rolled my eyes.
“Nate never even held it against Sam. Sam had only ever dated two people, and he was drunk out of his mind, he didn’t even know he’d done something until that Madison girl looked him up.”
“Your brother should have broken up with him.” My mother returned.
“That’s just it!” I screamed. “You were looking for anything you could hold against their relationship. And the whole getting custody of Emmett, you wouldn’t get anywhere: You’ve never wanted anything to do with him; you’re not biologically related to him; you’ve always got something bad to say about his dad; hell you probably don’t even know his name!”
“The boy’s name is Emmett.” I screamed in frustration.
“Only because I just said that!” I stormed out of my room to the bathroom, gathering my things to put in my bag. On my way back to my room, I stopped by Nate’s old room. I picked his favorite old teddy bear off the shelf and meandered my way back into my room. My mother was still standing there in the middle of my room. I shoved my things into my bag and turned to my mother. “Goodbye.”
I grabbed the keys to my truck off my dresser and went to leave, but my mother just had to try and get the last word. “Why the two of you care about that w***e I’ll never know.” That wasn’t something new, I’d heard my mother call Sam that plenty of times, never in front of Nathaniel, but she’d said it enough. I turned and slapped her, I was done listening to her bad mouth Sam. I then made my down stairs, only to find my father standing in the way of the front door.
“Please move Dad.” I asked him, hoping that maybe he wouldn’t try to cause a scene. Unfortunately my hopes were not answered.
“You will go apologize to your mother.” He told me sternly.
“No.” I was just as firm in my tone. “I will not stay here in a house that does not respect it’s family.”
“That’s rather hypocritical when you do nothing but disrespect your family.” He returned. I shook my head.
“No I tried, and tried, and tried to be respectful, to ask mom to stop, but she never does. You don’t really try to stop her either.” My tone was incredulous.
“Your brother made a mistake when he chose to date Sam, and then to keep dating him after Sam got that boy.” He stated.
“OH MY GOD! You wouldn’t even be saying this s**t if it weren’t for the fact Sam is a man. If it was Jennifer Stant from across the street that Nate asked to marry him you’d both be over at her house trying to consol her in her loss, but because Sam is a guy you’re all backwards calling him a w***e for something that happened over seven years ago!” I tried to move around him, but he caught my arm.
“You aren’t going any where young lady.” He told me.
“F**k you! I’ll go where I want, I’m eighteen years old.” I tried wrenching my arm from him as I spoke, but when he let go, it wasn’t because I’d wriggled free. My father back handed me.
“Young lady you will not use that word in this house.” I touched my cheek as I glared at the man.
I stormed through the kitchen to the back door. I wasn’t getting through the front. My father followed me into the area.
“Don’t you walk out that door!” He bellowed.
“I’ll leave if I damn well want to!” I screamed back at him.
“Kejlen Katherin Jent, you will not leave this premisses if it’s to go to that cheating man’s house, he doesn’t have Nathaniel anymore, he’ll just work his way on you!” He yelled.
I opened the door, but before I left I turned back to my father. I saw my mother in the door way, tears in her eyes, her left cheek red. I glared at her. “Nate wasn’t even your child, if anyone is the hypocrite its Mom.”
I slammed the door behind me and made my way to my truck. I opened the driver side door and threw my stuff in, then hopped in the cab. I turned on the truck and drove away. My jaw and cheek was throbbing by the time I made it to Sam’s. I parked, turned off the engine and just sat there for a bit.
Christmas just a few weeks later was a sad event. Nate wasn’t there to sing his off key tunes while baking up a bunch of boxed sweets. Sam wasn’t singing along or complaining that Christmas baby’s got ripped off. Emmett was still his cheery self, bringing smiles to all of our faces. Anthony proposed to me on New Years, we got married a year later. Sam started smiling again and acting himself.
I still haven’t forgiven my parents, no matter if Sam had. I didn’t allow my father to walk me down the isle at my wedding. What was left of my family fell to shambles, but I really couldn’t bring myself to care as I had another, truer family, with Anthony, Sam, Emmett, and Marianne.
I tell my story because I know there’s more stories out there that are very similar out there that if you don’t ask, they won’t tell.
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