Bidi Bidi Bom Bom

a review of a product I've never used

Our Tree Named Steve Paperback

The Big Enchilada Walks Around Wearing a Bolo

"Those are people who died and they were all my friends and they died..." I'm not much of a reader but when the impulse strikes I go all out and fer the throat until they become the next choking victim. I was watching this movie where there is a rape scene on the stairs where the antagonist pulls down the protagonist's pants exposing her bare butt. That scene stuck with me and keeps me company when I'm home alone and the power goes out. Speaking of butts, which if you haven't noticed that we were already fist deep into that subject, the butt in question had tiny checks but a wide hole in the middle which led me to believe that the butt in question has seen his/her share of fisting up to the elbow while the daughter does the dance macabre to the thrilling sounds of pain mixed with pleasure. I blame the jews for the crucifixion of christ on that cross and no I would not like to buy a vowel but I appreciate your interest in my soon to have winnings and for that I thank you from the bottom of my cold, cold heart ya wanker! But I digress, BACK TO THE REVIEW! I bought this book on a double dog dare after a night of binge drinking and sadistic role playing and you can imagine my surprise when I checked my mailbox and I saw a bulbous package addressed to a "Goodbye Mr. Chips." I opened it immediately and then it all came back to me like the empty beer bottles that lurk around the stove next to the large industrial size freezer that is filled with microwave and eco-friendly bean and beef burritos. I popped open a 22 oz can of unlite beer and settled in with my new book to find out exactly what all the hub bub was all about, bub. I shotgunned a few beers then delved into this Our Tree Named Steve Paperback with high hopes and even lower expectations because I always avoid disappointment when I can. The first sentence hit hard like a hammer and I knew I was going devour the whole thing before noon then write a review of it which is exactly what I am doing as I type. The concept of a talking tree has always intrigued me and this was definitely no exception to that unwritten law. Thankfully this book wasn't that long and did its best not to overstay its welcome because, well, let's face it how much of a talking tree can you take? Am I right? HEYOO!!! When I was floored by the fatalistic fantastic finale, I got up and fixed myself some strong spirits then took my shoes off and smelled the bottom of both feet until I was satisfied. I understand that that last sentence might have been an example of "going too far" but that doesn't concern me as long as I get my rent money by friday. By This!

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Bidibmmbm: Oh I have seen the coming of the glory of the lard!