Love Like This Pt. 2

 

So there's something I wanna tell you and I need you to listen

See there's this look in my eyes everytime I look at you, they glisten

Because you're my Star, you brighten up my life and world too

Then again you are my life and my world, who

Brings me the light and I couldn't see without you

So I want to hold you tight and help you carry through

Any dangers, troubles and fights you have to fight throughout your years

So let me hold your hand and help you concure your fears

As I wipe away your tears, like you did for me just the other day

So close your eyes and let me lay on you and kiss that water away

And let me tell you that men can be beautiful because I see beauty within you

Your face, smile, your hands, body and your eyes so your soul is beautiful too

Therefore you are a beautiful man, and I know you can understand what I mean when I say this

Like the first time we touched hands, and our lips met to meet that lucious first kiss

We're blessed and I know you feel the same way and there's no other words to use to explain it any better

So I'm writing this poem, another poem about you and I and our love inside, another Four Page Letter

Cause baby I love you and I can't say it enough

So I tell you everynight hoping you can feel my love

Like the way you smell, your scent is the best taste that has ever met my nose

And this might sound strange but after I see you, I love to smell my clothes

Because I can't keep off you when we're together, therefore I smell like your body

And your body is perfection, there couldn't be one better than the one God created for me

The body that the soul of Korey Clay lies within, the one mated with me

And you are mine, my fine, strong man there's no way this could be faded for we

Love eachother more than all couples our age and most grown folk

We're one of the few that God blessed with love stronger than the Hulk

So Cupid got a Chokehold on me and yet I gained my breath yet I lose it too

Cause I get lost in your eyes and I get lost in the moment when I kiss you

Ha, and I still get butterflies before I see you, or talk on the phone

And when I'm away from you I feel alone, so its like Vandross said, "this house is not a home"

Because my home is found within your chest, your heart is my kingdom

And the only time I feel at my best is when I'm with you, and when I'm with you I feel freedom

And I become a better person, because of who you are and want to be

You helped this little girl grow into a woman that will soon be set free

Because her Prince came into her life to sweep her off her feet

Her soon to be King, and there is no other one in this entire world for me.

Reviews

[emmajoy]

This poem epitomises love, longing, trust, hope... it's beautiful.

Technically most of your lines/meter is fine... and, as to wording, some so lovely, especially:

'.. And let me tell you that men can be beautiful because I see beauty within you
Your face, smile, your hands, body and your eyes so your soul is beautiful too'

and also:

'.. And when I'm away from you I feel alone, so its like Vandross said, "this house is not a home"
Because my home is found within your chest, your heart is my kingdom
And the only time I feel at my best is when I'm with you, and when I'm with you I feel freedom
And I become a better person, because of who you are and want to be
You helped this little girl grow into a woman that will soon be set free.. '

Your words express the way I've felt too but could never put in the way you have.

Thank you, thank you for sharing.

[Danielle]

I didn't get the same feel when I read this as I read the first one, but since I don't have a sweetheart like this I probably don't get the whole thing. It also probably doesn't help that this is very personal for you. Some of the parts seem not as well thought out as the others, like the "understand what I mean when I say this" it doesn't seem to flow. And the smell taste nose line kind of threw me for a loop. I understand everything you meant by loving his smell (I've got a friend who constantly is smelling her boyfriends jacket she stole and gives back to him when it no longer smells only to steal back) just that line messed me up. I think, whenever you use therefore, it kind of ruins the flow. When you have to go and tell people that your explaining yourself. I know that sounds like a lot of critiques, but I think its your style against mine. Since this poem is sounding very personal, you probably used your very personal, your own voice entirely for this poem, and that, I think, just doesn't fit my preference for reading material. It's still a good poem though, and one better then I'll ever write.

[Vampire]

I really liked this poem, i know how you feel, i have those feelings for my boyfriend, well fiance. I thought that this poem was beautiful and i think it was written really well. I also know what you mean when you say that you love each other more than all the other couples your age. I mean i'm like secretly engaged already to my boyfriend, which doesnt usually happen with people our age. So i really liked this poem and im sure that when your boyfriend reads it he will be very proud to read it :D

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

A very romantic beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing. Debileah