The Chosen: Chapter 9 - Untitled

        The dismal yellow lights flickered occasionally overhead as if they were in their final death throes.  A strange stillness had settled in the air and seemed to permeate everything.  It was extremely quiet, almost tomb-like;  as if a vacuum of silence had sucked all life from the room. Time ticked by painfully slow like a rebellious teenager, determined to do things at their own pace.   

  

        Galvyn sat facing the marred Plexiglas with only his thoughts to keep him company.  He stared at the empty seat on the other side of the glass.  The prison guard had left him alone in the visitation room and told him that his brother would be brought out soon.  But that seemed like eons ago.  It felt like it was taking too long, as if something had gone wrong.  Galvyn looked around the small room and towards the door leading into the corridor, and noticed that the guard had left the door open.  The door had swung outwards revealing the dim hallway beyond.  

  

       That’s strange.  The guards always closed the door while he was visiting his brother.  In fact, they usually locked the door.  Why was it open?

 

       Something felt off or very wrong to Galvyn.  And he sensed that it was more than just the open doorway that was making him feel that way, but he couldn’t pin down exactly why.  He looked back towards the barrier separating him from where his brother would be sitting... hopefully soon.  As Galvyn’s gaze fell upon the vacant chair on the other side of the grimy pane of thick plastic, it occurred to him that the chair across from him was not the only empty one in the room.  He realized that there were no inmates at all in the prisoner’s visitation area and that he was the only visitor present in the room. This seemed very odd to him. 

  

      There was usually at least one other visitor and inmate present during all of the times he had visited his brother in the past; never had he been the only one.  

  

       A creeping sensation traveled across the surface of Galvyn’s skin as if a thousand tiny ants were swarming and roaming over his entire body.  An involuntary shiver spread through him and chilled him to his very core.   

  

       Something was terribly wrong. His brother should be here by now.  And there should be other people here as well. 

  

      Then Galvyn noticed the deafening silence, like a void of all sound.  Usually he could hear the din of loud voices and the clattering of trays from the mess hall on the other side of the wall, or conversations being held between prison guards out in the hallway.  But there was none of this today. 

  

       What is going on?  Where is everyone? Where was his brother and why wasn’t he here yet? 

  

       Fear gripped Galvyn in an icy embrace, and it felt like the arms of a corpse had wrapped themselves around him.   His senses became heightened and every nerve ending in his body was ready to fire. It was the surfacing of long forgotten and deeply buried prey Instincts, reminiscent of an evolutionary past; a sensitivity to unseen dangers. Looking around the room, Galvyn sensed that something was wrong.    

  

       Suddenly a distant gruesome scream broke the silence as it echoed through the hallway, reverberating off of the concrete walls.  It was a sound of pure terror and anguish. Galvyn jumped from his seat and pivoted towards the open doorway, his eyes unblinking orbs of fear.  The screaming trailed off some and seemed like it was going to stop, but then another scream joined in and the combined sound was horrifyingly disturbing; it was like pressing your ear up against the gates to Hell. It sounded like purgatory. He stared at the doorway frozen in place, torn between fight or flight. 

 

        The screaming tapered off and quiet settled over everything again. Galvyn wasn't sure which was worse, the grisly screaming or the unnatural silence. He desperately wanted to leave the prison, to run and flee from whatever dangers lay waiting within its walls, but he knew that he couldn't. Lincoln was somewhere locked up within the very same walls, and he needed Galvyn's help. He had to find Lincoln and make sure that he was safe. Galvyn would lay down his life for his brother in a heartbeat if that is what it would take.       

  

        Galvyn took a few cautious steps towards the open doorway, feeling like a frightened child who was deathly afraid of checking his closet for monsters. But remembering that his brother might be in danger, he steeled himself for what he knew needed to be done. He slowly stuck his head out into the hallway and peered around the door frame and down the length of the murky corridor. There appeared to be no end to the hallway, as if it stretched out into infinity. 

  

        Taking a step out of the doorway and into the shadowy corridor, Galvyn turned to his right to peer down the length of the hallway. This was the direction that he knew lead to the cell blocks where the inmates were housed. His brother was somewhere back there in the bowels of the prison, unarmed and vulnerable.  Galvyn suddenly wished that he had his gun, but he knew there was no way he would have passed security with it. He watched the end of the hallway, his eyes alert and ready to pick up any movement, his ears attuned to every sound.        

  

        A faint noise was coming from the far end of the hallway, but Galvyn couldn’t see the source.  That part of the corridor was cloaked in shadows.  It sounded like an odd shuffling or like something being dragged across the hard concrete floor.  His frightened eyes strained to pick up any movement, but he couldn’t make out a thing.  The end of the long passageway had been claimed by darkness.  But the sound was steadily drawing closer and Galvyn knew that something was there within the deep shadows, slowly making its way towards him.  His heart thumped wildly in his chest like a caged animal trying to escape.   

  

        As Galvyn watched the distant reaches of the corridor, a figure suddenly emerged from the gloom, like a ghostly ship materializing from a dense fog.  Galvyn jumped slightly in surprise.  The figure was garbed completely in bright orange and there was something peculiar about its movements. Galvyn recognized the figure to be that of an inmate wearing a prison uniform, but something about their appearance and gait was deeply disturbing. Galvyn could tell that it was not his brother, the man was too short and stocky.  As the inmate drew closer, Galvyn could see that patches of the man's uniform were a much darker shade of orange than they should have been and that he was walking awkwardly, pulling a nearly useless leg behind him.     

 

        Dark drag marks were left behind on the concrete by the inmate's dragging foot, and Galvyn realized that the man was badly injured. The drag marks were actually smears of blood that appeared black in the muted lighting.  Galvyn knew that he had to help.  The man had lost a lot of blood and no one else was there to aid him.  His heart wanted him to run and find his brother, but his conscience told him that he couldn't just leave the man to die. 

 

        "Hello?  Hey!" Galvyn called out and his voice bounced and echoed down the empty hallway towards the limping prisoner.  

 

        The man stopped walking and looked up in Galvyn's direction.  Having seen Galvyn, he now started moving more quickly, shuffling faster.             

 

        “HELP ME!” the inmate called out to Galvyn in a strangled and gurgling voice, “PLEASE, HELP ME! PLEASE!”  

  

        The inmate continued hobbling in Galvyn’s direction, his arms stretched outwards in front of him, reaching out for help.  Galvyn started moving swiftly towards the man and he prayed that the prioner's injuries were not so severe that he wouldn't be able to help him.   

 

        "Please, help me!" the man cried in a weakening voice as Galvyn got closer,"Please, I don't wanna die like the rest!", the inmate's speech was garbled and difficult to understand. 

  

        As Galvyn reached the inmate, the man began falling forward towards him. Galvyn was able to catch the man by his shoulders and stop his fall.  Supporting the prisoner’s weight, Galvyn was now able to see the full extent of the man's injuries.  Completely nauseated by what he saw, Galvyn almost recoiled in repulsion, nearly losing his grip on the inmate. 

    

        The inmate’s uniform was ravaged and torn, and drenched with blood.  Galvyn’s hands were now covered in sticky gore.  The rich, coppery stench of blood filled Galvyn’s nostrils and he had to fight back a gag reflex.  Peeking out from beneath the tares in the man’s uniform were deep lacerations,  exposing the musculature below.  It was now clear to Galvyn why the inmate had not been using his left leg.  A large portion of the material from the pant leg of the prisoner’s uniform was missing, revealing an angry gaping hole in his leg where an entire section of thigh muscle had been removed. The edges of the wound were jagged and looked like they had been made by teeth; as if something large had taken a generous bite out of the flesh in the man’s leg, like it was an apple.   

  

        But worse than any of this, was the man’s face.   

  

        As the prisoner mumbled and pleaded for his help, Galvyn had to look away.  The sight of the man’s face was just too much.  The quick glimpse Galvyn had caught was enough to churn his stomach, and cause bile to rise in his throat.  A huge flap of cheek tissue hung from the side of the inmate’s mangled face, revealing molars that were normally concealed behind it.  It took all of Galvyn’s efforts to choke back the vomit that threatened to rise. 

 

        Galvyn guided the man to the floor and gently laid him out onto the concrete. He ripped his t-shirt off and started hurriedly tearing it into strips.  Then he quickly tied one of the lengths of fabric tightly around the man's upper thigh, just above the wound, in a make-shift tourniquet.  The bleeding slowed considerably, but Galvyn worried that help hadn't come soon enough for the man.  The inmate's face was pallid, and the life was slowly leaving his eyes. 

 

        "What happened to you?" Galvyn asked with urgency, "What's going on?"    

 

        “Their gone.” The inmate's words were muddled, his missing cheek was making speech difficult.   

  

        “What? Who’s gone?” Galvyn asked, trying to make sense of the man’s incoherent babbling. Galvyn focused on the man’s eyes, trying to ignore the carnage below.   

  

       “Their gone” the inmate repeated.  There was a haunted look in his eyes; a look that could only be found in the eyes of someone who had witnessed unimaginable and unspeakable horrors.    

  

       “What do you mean?" Galvyn asked in confusion, his voice filled with desperation, “Who’s gone?”  

 

       “All of them.” 

  

        “You mean all of the inmates?” Galvyn asked , “Where did they go?” 

  

       “They didn’t go anywhere, they’re just gone. Dead. Killed. Murdered.”  

 

        The man's words hit Galvyn like a sledgehammer, and it felt like his heart had taken a direct blow.  In that moment, only one thing dominated his thoughts. Lincoln. If what the inmate said was true...? Galvyn didn't even want to consider it. 

 

        He had to have heard the man wrong.  This couldn’t be happening.  His brother had to still be alive. 

  

        “What happened to them?” Galvyn asked, hoping that he had heard the man wrong; hoping it was just the man's mumbling that made it hard to understand what he had actually said.  

  

        “They were all slaughtered, the guards too. The monsters killed them all.”    

  

       “What?  Monsters? What are you talking about?”  Galvyn's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.  An eerie shiver traveled down the length of his spine.   

  

       “Monsters killed everyone.  Pulled them apart. They’re dead now.  All of them.” the man's voice sounded flat and void of emotion. 

  

       “Are you sure they are all dead?” Galvyn asked with hope still in his heart, praying that the inmate was mistaken.  

  

       As Galvyn waited for his answer, he watched as the man's eyes grew dimmer, like a light was going out.     

 

       “You should have listened to your brother.” the man croaked, his voice not much more than a whisper now. 

  

        “What?  What did you say?” Galvyn's mind reeled.   

  

       “You should have listened.  He tried to warn you.  Maybe if you had listened, you would have been able to save him." The man said as the light continued to drain from his distant eyes.     

  

       “Warn me about what?” 

  

       “He tried to warn you.” Now it’s too late.” the inmate said.  His voice had grown weaker and his eyes seemed to be looking somewhere else beyond this world. Galvyn wasn't sure if the man was even hearing the question. 

  

       “Warn me about what?” Galvyn repeated a little louder.  

  

       “That if you didn’t go to the Mountain, it would be too late.” 

  

        Galvyn was so taken aback by what the inmate said that it caused him to suck in air. His eyes grew wide and disbelieving. 

 

        This can't be happening to me.  The man couldn't have just said that.  It was simply not possible, it was complete insanity. 

 

        “You must go to the Mountain.  Can’t you see that now?  If you don’t, the monsters will kill everyone, and they won't stop until there is no one left.” 

  

       "Who are the monsters? Why the mountain?" Galvyn's head was swimming with so many questions. Nothing made sense.  It felt like the very fabric of the world had changed and was being ripped apart. 

  

       “The Mountain holds the secret for our survival.  You must go before it is too late. ” the inmate's voice had become so quiet now that it was a mere whisper and Galvyn had to lean his ear down close in order to hear him.      

  

        "Why me? None of this makes any sense!" Galvyn said, wanting more than anything for none of what was happening to be real.    

  

       “Because you were chosen.  You were chosen to lead them.” the inmate said simply, as if it was an undying truth.   

 

       Chosen?  What the hell was the man talking about?  

  

       “Chosen to lead who?”, Galvyn asked incredulously, not really sure that he wanted to hear the answer. 

 

        Galvyn watched the man's eyes as they completely lost focus.   

 

        "Chosen to lead who?" Galvyn repeated his question with urgency.  But he knew that he would never get his answer, at least not from the inmate laying in front of him on the cold concrete floor.  All of the life had gone from the man's eyes.  The light had gone out for good.    

 

          No, this couldn't be happening.  None of this was happening.                                  

          Running his hands through his hair, Galvyn was overwhelmed with so many different emotions that he felt like his mind was being pulled apart.  It was as if his brain couldn't decide which emotion to focus on first, so it had decided to take on all of them, all at once. But one thought was pushing and shoving its way through the crowd, and struggling to get to the front...  

 

        He had to find his brother. 

 

        Galvyn stood, wiping his blood covered hands on his jeans, and began walking with purpose towards the cell blocks.  He had no idea what horrors lie waiting for him in the dark recesses of the prison, but he had no choice.  Lincoln was back there.    

 

        As Galvyn approached the conclusion of the seemingly never ending hallway, he stopped at an open doorway.  It was a hungry black mouth waiting for him to enter.  No lights were on in the room on the other side of the entrance and the corridor lights didn't penetrate past the threshold. It looked like the opening to a cave.  

 

        As Galvyn was about to step through the doorway and into the room, he heard movement coming from within the darkness.  It was only the faintest of sounds, but it betrayed the presence of someone or something hidden within the murkiness.  Galvyn was frozen with fear, and stared into the black space in front of him.  He caught the movement of a shape as it was slowly inching closer to the doorway.  Something was there moving towards him, and that something was big.  He couldn't see it outright, but he could make out its form; sinuous, powerful, and terrifyingly large.  And it wasn't human. 

 

         Monsters killed everyone.  Pulled them apart...   

 

        The dying inmate's words echoed through Galvyn's head.  His eyes bulged with fear and his mouth hung open.  All of his muscles sagged all at once, like all of the energy had been drained from his body.  Sheer terror rooted him where he stood. 
 

        Then the creature did the unthinkable.  It took a step through the doorway, out of the blackness and into the shadows.  It stood there just outside the entrance towering over him, a distortion of nature.  An abomination.  

 

        Galvn back-peddled away from the doorway as fast as he could and put several yards between himself and the monster. He was going to turn and run, but there was no time.  The creature leapt from the shadows, moving with a speed and agility that shouldn't have been possible.  And in an instant, it was upon him, tearing at his flesh.  

 

       Lincoln... 

 

        It was the one thought Galvyn clung to when blackness claimed the periphery of his vision and began closing in.  He was being claimed by a cold and unfeeling void.  Soon darkness and pain was all that existed for him.  

 

       Then he felt the sensation of falling rapidly through space, and he jerked upright into a sitting position. Suddenly there was light again, and the creature was gone. His wild eyes flitted about the room in utter confusion, perspiration beaded on his forehead and his heart raced within his chest. He wasn't in the prison corridor anymore.  He was in his bedroom. 

 

         It had all been just a nightmare?  It couldn't have been, it had been far too real. 

 

        As Galvyn sat in the safety of his bed reflecting on what he had just experienced, his confusion and terror only deepened. The entire sequence of events could easily be written off as a dream.  Only he knew that wasn't the case. Something deep inside of him told him that it hadn't been a nightmare.   

 

        Screaming at the top of its lungs, a voice was telling him that it hadn't been a dream, but a premonition of what was to come.   

 

       Galvyn sprung from his bed, threw on some clothes and his boots and headed for his closet. Reaching inside, he removed a locked black box from the top shelf and threw it down onto his bed.  He ripped open his nightstand drawer, knocking some items to the floor, and fished out a key.  It took him a few moments to unlock the black box with the small key because his hand was shaking badly.  He flipped the lid open to reveal the contents of the box and grabbed the handle of the Glock contained within.  The weight of the gun in his hand was both comforting and terrifying.  He tucked it underneath his tee shirt, and into the back of jeans.  

 

       Moving swiftly out of his bedroom and into the living room, Galvyn swiped the keys to his Harley from the table by the door, and headed out of his apartment and into the night.

Reviews

[matrixmark]

Great atmospheric beginning paragraph. I can see that some effort went into this bit. It's never easy to describe these type of settings. I looks simple when itsthere in front of you BUT to do it is another matter altogether - A very good paragraph and deserves the praise.

With this sentence here...'.Something felt off or very wrong to Galvyn' - It needs to be changed because you have told the reader already that something is wrong in the previous paragraph.

Have to say I loved the build up with this, the images of nobody sitting on any of the chairs was brilliant. It gave a good sense of eerieness and a feeling that the lights were about to go off.

Again, with this sentence.... Looking around the room, Galvyn sensed that something was wrong.- It doesn't feel right. My suggestion is to rearrange it in a different way but without the 'sensing it was wrong bit' (I am only trying to help with these suggestions and in no way mocking your writing becuase I already know that you are incredibly talented and hold the utmost respect for your writing.)
Suddenly a distant gruesome scream broke the silence as it echoed through the hallway, - All the sentences which followed this were FANTASICALLY INVOLVING and bringing me right into the shoes of the character. I REALLY LOVED THIS PART and you wrote it incredibly well.

That part of the corridor was cloaked in shadows. - What a delicous sentence to devour, its simple yes BUT boy o boy does it had impact.

And then this follows soon after - The end of the long passageway had been claimed by darkness. - SUPERB - loved every bit of the paragraph and to have these sentences really brings the atmosphere into the readers living room.

When the man stopped up to look at Galvyn,in my mind immediate danger was ahead. The visuals planted before this were pefect and it really was like watching a movie scene. Added to the fact that you put in the man talking with a gurgling voice planted the realism further into the minds eye.

This part - Galvyn’s hands were now covered in sticky gore. The rich, coppery stench of blood filled Galvyn’s nostrils and he had to fight back a gag reflex. - WOW! - I'm impressed - The sentence/sentencess were perfect in length and hit with impact.

I liked what you did here when you put in this sentence.... his missing cheek was making speech difficult. - A very good way of describing how the man looked, instead of giving all the details in one go, you placed it in way that will stick in the readers mind. It can be difficult to do this sometimes BUT this was done with good execution.

And then along come the monsters who created all of this. Which led me to a number of questions - where have the monsters gone to now, or are they still in the vicinity. I REALLY AM LOVING THIS.

The dialogue between Glavyn and the man was really well written and felt so natural. Again, I like the patten which you follow in your stories as this is where we begin to learn about the mountains again. And Galvyn gets even more confused and making the reader excited to see whats in the mountains and wonder whether Galvyn will get attacked by the monsters.

It was a hungry black mouth waiting for him to enter. - BEAUTIFUL SENTENCE.

Nice twist close to the - Not going to say what it is because that would spoil it for others. I liked it.

You ended this piece perfectly. I MOST CERTAINLY SHALL CONTINUE. ITS REALLY EXCITING, the foundations you have buil, images you have created, tension at part, use of words, grammar, structure - all of this added up makes for such a great read.
Kudos to you
Keep writing!!!!

Mark.

[D.M. Knight]

Thank you sooo much for the detailed review!!! I am so glad that you pointed out the "something felt off or very wrong" repetitive part. I had difficulty writing this part and didn't realize the repetitive lines were in there... I would much rather have someone point out part of my writing that needs improvement then to turn a blind eye because they are afraid to hurt feelings or to offend. The whole reason I have my work posted here is to obtain constructive criticism that I can learn from and improve my writing. So it is VERY MUCH appreciated! I will tweak this part a little bit with some editing. I am glad that you liked it.

[matrixmark]

It was another great, great read. Well worth my time. I know how hard it can be to do something like this and I applaud the effort and time into making this piece what it is.

Mark.