Chapter Nine: Kimbo

Next day comes around and I get a new pet, a chicken this time. I have to go to four classes today. Chico studies again, then porn, then study of P***y in the afternoon and mythical creature studies at night. First up is Chico studies.

I walk into class and see they still haven’t removed the dead batman from outside the window. Then Senior Andrews tells us about the rich heritage of Mexican c**k fighting.

Lucky for me, I have a chicken now. I named him, Kimbo. For one, so he would have a fighter’s attitude. And two, because Kimbo Slice eats a lot of chicken. And three, in the end, Kimbo Slice and Kimbo the chicken are both chickens.

The last similarity was when Kimbo got brutally beat up.

I lost my three pet since beginning here.

I sit in the back of class, hoping the last half of class will be quick. Suddenly something crashes against the window. It’s pigeon, Batman’s new and horribly knocked off sidekick.

When he crashed, I jumped out of my seat from shock. I look around the room as they stare at me. I yell out.

“Don’t you see those dead people in the window?!”

They look at me like I’m crazy. I yell again.

“Are you f*****g serious?” Their faces are blank. “F**k you guys, I’m leaving.”

I walk out of class and plan to go to Blair’s class again, but first I stop at the animal place again.

A different person is working so I may have better luck. I go up to him and explain my whole story.

He leaves for a moment and brings back a medium brown box.

I smile and open it.

A plant.

I loud at the man, “A plant? What the hell? This isn’t even an animal.”

He shrugs and laughs. I glare at him and walk away with my plant.

I drop off the plant at my room before going to Blair’s class.

Edward is there and says we must talk but I just throw the plant throws him and run off.

I walk down the hallway and see that head janitor. He is depressingly walking down the opposite way hallway with his dead cat on a leash trailing him. I wasn’t sure who I felt worst for.

I go to Blair’s classroom and hear the professor lecturing.

“Ok class. Now we add the chloride to the nitrogen. This will make the meth cut easy and fresh.”

The whole class speaks back, “Yes professor Skeeter.”

I laugh at the name and he notices me so I walk off.

Now I’m stuck alone needing to kill an hour.

I look out at the courtyard and see a bunch of kids singing. I notice one of them being the kid I threw my fish at. They are in the middle of a number when suddenly a blaster shot hits on of them.

Boba Fett walks up, “You b*****s can’t sing in my school. You are lucky I put my gun was set to stun.”

A group is around the kid on the floor, one speaks back, “It’s not set on stun, and he has no pulse.”

“Oh f**k.” Boba Fett runs off.

I laugh and then continue down the hallway picking off which painting is hot.

I waste the rest of my free time sleeping on a park bench just like a hobo.

I wake up from my nap and go to my class.

I walk in a see the professor and most of the class already there.

Most of the class looked like creepy rednecks or child molesters.  And the professor looked like both.

He stood in front of the class and spoke.

“Hello. I’m Professor Roy James. And this class is PORN.” He struggles to breath but continues, “I used to owe a school, you may have heard of it. It was the Roy James school of Rape and Business.”

My eyebrow rises. What the f**k.

“This class is not making or watching porn, even thought that would be tasty. This class stands for, P is for practice. O is for of. R is for rare. What do you think N stand for class?”

Random kids yell out. “Nickels.” “Ni&&@” “nalidixic acid” ”Necromancer”

Professor James chuckles. “None of those. “ He takes a long breath, “Necrophilia.”

I’m gone. I run out of the class as fast I can before Sling Blade comes out and starts playing the bingo.

I go back to sleep on my park bench till my third class starts.

It finally is time to go and I embark on my journey.

I arrive in the class and every guy is shirtless. I feel very strange.

I find a seat in the back.

The teacher wants in and speaks to the class.

“I’m Professor Clyde Wolfman. And this is the study of p***y. It was supposed to be “rise of the lycans” but someone in records changed it.”

Oh f**k, werewolves.

I slowly get up and try to make my way out but I hear the teacher.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Umm… I’m not a werewolf so I think I’m in the wrong class.”

“Well you don’t have to be a werewolf. You can sit and enjoy the stories. And if one day you choose to be one, we can turn you.”

“This sounds like a timeshare kind of thing.”

“Well if you do stay we will have free barbecues from our hunts and if you come to class you get an automatic A.”

“Alright. I’ll stay.”

So I sat there listening to their history which in my eyes was a little disappointing because it didn’t have that hot chick from the Underworld series in it but overall it was interesting. I at least got a free deer dinner. I laughed when I saw that the deer had a blaster hole in it.