Chapter Eight: Hookers and Blow

I turn on the television and Sunday morning cartoons are on. But these were some bad knock offs.

First was the new fantastic four. Due to budget cuts they had to cut two members. The terrific two was now, the thing who was just a giant penis and the human torch who was a gay guy running around trying to burn people with a pink candle. And surprisingly the pink candle wasn’t code for penis.

Next on was the avengers, who only had cheap replacements like Aluminum foil man, Captain Mexico, Pinkeye and Transgender man/woman/thing.

The final cartoon was just Barney raping the bear from the Jungle book. I decided not to watch that and I ended up deciding to go see Boba Fett in the hospital.

I head to the hospital and see a janitor. I swear its Luis again. I go to talk to him but he disappears. I see the head janitor and I run up to him.

“Who was that janitor?”

“Umm.. I think Jose.”

“Are you sure?”

“I think so. But you could have introduced yourself first. Like, my name is Scott. Now wasn’t that nice.”

I look at him then kick his bucket of mop water. He cries while he pets his dead cat. He whispers to me.

“If you really want to know you can go to the Chamber of Secrets.”

I look at him and smack the dead cat out of his hands. “Shut Up! That doesn’t happen till the second book you idiot.

I walk off and continue on my route to the hospital. I get there and walk to room that Boba Fett is staying in.

I see him in the bed and I speak.

“How is it going buddy?”

“How do you think it is? I was nearly raped by mentally unstable chicken nugget.”

“Sorry I asked.”

“Did they at least kill it?”

“Yeah, headmaster Norris found it and punched it to death.”

“Excellent. I would have killed it if I hadn’t worked out all day before that or had my sword gun.”

“Well I’m glad you are going well. I have to go.”

“Alright but come here for a moment.” I walk over, he whispers. “Get me a Jewish doctor, they gave me an Asian one, and he smells like dead dog.”

“Ok, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Oh and some blow if you can get it.”

“Ok, I’ll get you some if I can.”

If I had those connections, I would use them for myself.

I walk out of the room and don’t talk to anyone. I make my way to the animal building where I can get a replacement for my animal.

I arrive and see that same guy. I speak to him.

“Hey, I need a new animal, that Grimus killed it.”

“Ok. One second.”

He comes back with a large box and places in front of me.

Please me a baby bear or an Asian hooker.

It’s neither.

I reach in and pull out my animal. A fish. I yell at the guy.

“Are you seriously?”

The guy nods and laughs a little.

I grab my fish that is in a little plastic bag and walk back to my room.

Some kid walks up to me and starts singing like one of those Glee fuckers.

I throw my fish at him. "Splash attack."

It shuts him up. I guess the fish was useful.

It flops there for a moment then dies.