Chapter Five: Blasters Ready

We are done with day classes and I only have one night class, mythical creature studies. We head back to cafeteria where there is a meeting.

We sit at the Hufflepuff table and Olga joins us. The lights get dimmed and a spot light hits the front of the place. A loud voice speaks.

“From Dallas, Texas, standing at 6’5, the man with a third fist, our headmaster, WALKER…TEXAS…RANGER…!”

He walks in with his beard and all his glory. He speaks to the mass, “BOO-YA-CH- SHAWK”           

That’s all he speaks, the meeting is over. We spilt up, Olga and I go to mythical studies and badger boy goes somewhere, I didn’t remember or care to know.

I start going to class with Olga. My roommate Marcus is also in this class. We all stay together and walk to the outside of the castle to the forest. Our class meets there to study the creatures in the forest.  We arrive and wait for the teacher.

A dark hooded man walks up and speaks.

“Hello c***s and vaginas, I’m your teacher. My name is Boba Fett.”

Marcus speaks aloud, “Like the bounty hunter?”

Boba yells back, “Yes, prick, I’m the one and only Boba Fett.

He pulls off the hood to show off his green armor and jetpack backpack. He points towards the class.

“Listen up pricks; the judge forced me to teach this class after my accident. Now follow what I have to say and we all will get through this.”

Someone random speaks, “What accident?”

Marcus answers. “I read you got drunk and hit a family of Ewoks”

Boba yells out, “Hey, those furry b******s deserved it. And I wasn’t drunk!”

A guy in the front speaks, “I can smell booze on you now.”

Boba reaches over and hits him with a bottle of Jack Daniels. The guy falls to the floor and Boba speaks to the class. “So, does anyone else have something to say?”

Someone in the back coughs, “Drunk.”

Boba tosses the bottle at him and the guy falls to the floor.

“Anymore?”

No one speaks.

“Ok, class. Everyone get in groups of five and random walk around the forest till class is over.”

A girl asks, “Isn’t that dangerous?”

Boba pulls out his blaster and he motions her to move out. She walks away.

I get into a group with Olga and Marcus. A girl named Blair Harper, white, blonde with green eyes, fuckable for sure. And we don’t have a fifth.

Boba walks up to us and says, “I guess I’ll go with you guys.”

We all walk to the forest and head deep inside of it. Olga spots a deer, “Aww how cute” she points and giggles, “Look shes a mother.”

Just then a loud noise is heard and the deer crashes to the floor. Boba Fett stands there with his blaster drawn, “Down goes Bambi. Down goes Bambi.” He is running in a circle, cheering.

Olga is horrified, “Aren’t we not supposed to kill the animals?”

Boba turns to her, “Where’s the fun in that?”

I turn to him, “Hey teach, can you spread the fun and give me a blaster?”

He stands there then reaches to his back and pulls out a blaster, “See class, this student wants an A.” He hands me the blaster and throws his hand over my shoulder. “I think we are going to get along well.”

Suddenly a honking of a car or something is heard.

Marcus asks, “What was that?”

Boba Fett answers, “Don’t you know what lives in the forbidden forest of over desires?”

“What?” We all ask.

“Wereclowns.”

I smack my head. Marcus asks, “What the f**k? What do they do?”

“They have a terrible power. Terrible fashion scenes and they shoot acid from their little flower. And never forgot about their honk. The honk of death.”

I ask, “Have you killed one before?”

Boba Fett answers, “Of course young padawan.”

We all keep walking, and we heard a noise in the bushes in front of us. Marcus speaks, “What is it?”

Boba Fett isn’t looking; he is sneaking a drink of booze. “Hmmm, what? I don’t know, go explore.”

We stay there scared. I raise my blaster and Marcus raises his glock. I ask him, “Where did you get that?”

He answers, “I’m a member of the Bloods”

Maybe I should have asked him what he was before.

Marcus and I walk to the bush and something jumps from it. Marcus fires and hits it.

Boba Fett runs up and looks at what Marcus hit.

Marcus asks, “Did I kill it?”

“Yes.”

“So I did good?”

“No. You killed a Mexican.”

“Maybe, it’s a weremexican.”

“No, it’s just a normal bean eating, boarder hopping, Mexican.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, idiot. It’s the school’s gardener, Luis.”

We hear a noise from behind us. Boba Fett, Marcus and I raise our guns. The girls run to us and riase their wands.

Marcus whispers, “More Mexicans?”

I answer, “Well they do travel in packs.”

Suddenly a fuzzy little looking bear jumps out.

Boba Fett fires his blaster and the thing explodes. Boba yells out, “Their ewoks, they are here for revenge!”

A load of Ewoks come outside the bushes and look at us.

Boba Fett yells to us, “Kill them all!” He fires at one and yells. “Die to you little b******s.”

A Ewok lunges at me and I put it down like a sick dog, fast and painless. Maybe it’s more like how Edward must give it to Olga.

I laugh.

Blair walks to me and is forced to my back as we get surrounded.

She looks at me, “I think we are done for.” She leans in and kisses me.

Suddenly Boba Fett yells out, “Taste my lightning you little b***h!” He powers up his jetpack. The boost launches him into the air and into a tree. He is knocked out cold.

Why does he always go out like a b***h?

I know it must be my job to save us. I aim my blaster at the Ewoks and mow them down just like good old dead Luis the gardener used to do.

They got down pretty easy and I run to Marcus and Olga who are trapped. I run and kick one Ewok into the tree. I start punching and throw them into rocks. They scream out for mercy but I don’t allow it. I shoot the rest till not a single b*****d is alive.

I yell out, “I SPIT OUT HOT FIRE!”

Blair walks up to me and kisses me. She walks off and you can see that Olga is jealous so she walks over kissing me. She walks away towards Blair.

Olga swings and hits Blair. They both fall to the mud and start wrestling.

Marcus walks up to me, “Yeah dude, thank you.”

He leans in for a kiss. I punch him. He falls to the floor

Boba Fett crawls to me, “You did good class. Now get me to a hospital.” He notices the cat fight, “Never mind.” He gets out two small vials on his belt and handles me one.

I drink it. It’s watermelon vodka. We both sit there and watch the fight.

Reviews

[Morrigan Nicole]

Nice ending to a great chapter.