Chapter Eight: Brompton Cocktail

I smoke some weed. I drink some alcohol. I nearly drown in the amounts I’m forcing inside of me. It allows me to sleep without dreams.

I have so much nervous energy that I completely chew off my fingernail.

I always listen to my friend’s problems, not because I really care, but hearing them and listening to them allows me to escape my mind for a few moments. I need to find something that can fix this and not just escape for a bit. If I try only escaping my whole life it will catch up to me and the recovery will be hard. So hard to the point where nothing will make me feel any kind of happiness. But helping them ends up back firing in the end.

I pissed off my friends. I tried to please too many people at once, but wasn’t able to. Now I lost my friends, so I don’t have much else to live for. I never had a supportive family. I actually never wanted one but now with no friends, it’s going to be bad.

It’s the final crack in my mind.

I feel the rest of my mind crumble. All the pieces landing all over the floor. I go for a walk to see if I can keep it together. I know this will be the one of those important walks in my life. I have done it in the past to clear my mind. One of the most important ones was when I walked and talked to Madison when she was alive. It was our last night together; we were separated from each other but kept as close as possible. We talked the whole time I walked, and it was last conversation we had.

My body has turned on me. My friends have turned on me. Even my own mind has turned on me. My ghost seems to have left me. And even the bad side left. No one wants control of this sinking ship. I’m alone.

My hands push against my head to see if it will stay in. I stumble down the street. I cough up blood on the street. Just as I’m doing that my blood pours out of my nose too. I finally get it to stop after a few minutes.

I walk on and on. I’m searching for something my mind just can’t tell me what it is. It takes some time but my good old mind figures it out. I arrive where it thinks I need to be. A small bridge that is over cement ground barely filled with rotting water. A fitting place for my end.

I think that if I do this, I may be able to be with her again. We could both rot in hell, but at least it would be a “we.”

I climb the metal railing and sit on it. I’m on the inner side now, looking down at the rotting water. I kiss the air before I’m going to kiss the ground. I just locked out the outside world. I can’t be saved. I heard a voice telling me to stop. Probably just my ghost stopping me, wanting me to live but I rather die than be alone. I try to push the sound out but it won’t go. My ears focus and I can pick up on it not being her. Oh well. It just makes it easier to jump. I stand up and I use my hands to push off from the railing. My eyes close. I know my world will be this dark soon and it will be forever.

Reviews

[guiltyascharged]

This is so good! It's getting really intense, keep going!

[ErinLovesYou<3]

Kind of a cliffhanger at the end, keep it up.

[brenda]

hum is still suspenseful keep on going !:)