Chapter Two: Ghouls

Chapter Two: Ghouls

The other thing we discovered in the case was a fingerprint. We checked it into the system and found out it belonged to John Duenes. John had been reported missing two weeks ago, when was the time that the crimes started. It was reported by his life partner Steve Henrys.

I turned to Chip.

“I think the Ghoul must have taken over John’s body and has been finding his victims to feed off of.”

“Damn it Colt. I don’t believe in any of this supernatural s**t. It’s just one sick son of a b***h.”

“Well no matter what, we have to go check out his place.”

“Agree. Let’s go.”

Chips turns, grabs his jackets and keys to leave. I also go and pick up my jacket, but without Chip seeing I grab Chip’s pure silver letter opener in my back pocket. Silver can make a ghoul paralyzed but the only way to kill it was a headshot. We go to the parking lot and head off in Chip’s car. We head to the Southside to visit our freak. We pull into a slummy neighborhood. Crack dealers and prostitutes are on the corners but we aren’t here for them so we move along. We see the apartment building of our suspect. We park and go inside. We go up to the 6^th floor and to his apartment number 66. Chip knocks. There is a long pause. A man opens the door and speaks.

“Hello?”

“Chicago Police Department, We are looking for John Duenes.”

As soon as Chip finishes that statement the man reaches in his pocket. I see what it is and yell out.

“GUN!”

Chip reacts and barely misses getting hit with a screaming bullet. He reaches for his gun and fires two direct hits into the man. The man drops to the ground. Just when that happens, at the end of the hall I notice a man there. I focus more on him, its John Duenes. Chip yells for me to go and get him. I start chasing him. He runs down the other hallway. I fire my gun and directly hit him in the back. It doesn’t faze him. I gain speed and tackle him down. He jumps at me and pins me down. He is trying to bite me. I block him. So he changes his mind and starts to try to claw me. I force him off and reach for my gun but it’s too far away from my body. So I reach for the silver letter opener and stab it right into his heart. He freaks out. What would normally instantly kill any man; it just made him unable to move. This silver making it react like this would make it seem like it’s a ghoul. So I realize I need to put a bullet to it’s head.  I grab my gun and shot him in the head. He stops moving. I know he is dead. I realize I should go back to Chip, because if the other guy was a ghoul, Chip maybe in trouble. I run back to the room. Chip is passed out on the floor. I wake him up and he talks to me.

“You get John?”

“Yes, I shot and stabbed him.”

“Good, one less monster in the world.”

“See you do believe it was a monster.”

“I meant he’s a sick person and deserved to die.”

“Well explain why the bullets didn’t work,”

“Well it seemed to get the job done.”

“Where is your man?”

We both look around the room. There is nothing but blood pool on the floor.

“Did he get away, Chip?”

“He must have hit me with something and then left.”

There was a small trail of blood leading to the window. I check outside and there was no one out there. I go back inside the room and help Chip up. I tell him.

“We should do check on my guy and call this in.”

“Ok, I’ll call in.”

He calls for back up and CSI. We walk to where my guy was at. The body is gone. We both turn to ourselves and have confused looks.

Reviews

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

A little editing would help a lot. There are places where your verbs within single sentences disagree with each other, i.e. "Silver can make a ghoul paralyzed but the only way to kill it was a headshot," and "I check outside and there was no one out there." Also, any time there is conversation, it feels rushed because you don't specify who is speaking, making the conversations really brief and a little difficult for the reader to understand.

One other thing I just noticed--the second and fourth lines of the final paragraph are really sloppy, particularly the fourth one. It's not possible to turn to yourself, and you could say something stronger than "have confused looks."

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. Somethings are hard to kill. I like the surprise of the police officers to seeing the two body gone. No weakness in this excellent chapter.
Coyote

[TKBickel]

Again Kokorain points out good areas. If you read it out loud, you will find the problem spots quickly. Otherwise, I like the story.

[patricia]

When was the time that the crimes started... seems like bad grammar to me.
Feed off of? same again...sounds like a child writing.
Gets more professional from then on.
This was a really good chapter that would benefit greatly from a second draft, and a little more thought. Thankyou.

Very good chapter.

[Kathryn]

Loving the fast pace, and the creepiness is fantastic :)

[Muse]

Creepy indeed, but that's why I liked it! :)

[TheMizFit]

Interesting! Getting better and better. Continue this, I love it :)

[brenda]

wow! this story creeped me out at the end but the flow was very good kkep writing!:)