Chapter One: Afterlife

Well…life has become too hard for me to continue with. That’s the simplest way to put it but I’ll explain more. I know my life isn’t the worst and it could really be way worse. But it’s the only life I was given, and I used it all up. A life filled with bad decisions and stories of coldness of the people around me. And no saving grace was able to reach me and save me. What is a barely functioning adult supposed to do?

So many times I just want to cry and give up. I have hit rock bottom where I think nothing can get worst but it always does. I invent all new levels to my rock bottom. Years of bad luck helped the process of my decline. Self-destruction of my life was the common theme. Sure, those factors helped it, but in the end, I was left here to make the poor decisions that lead me to my downfall every time. I have been stuck in so many sorry situations. So many failed attempts of being happy. It’s caused me to hate my life with a passion. I hate my house. I hate my friends. I hate my family. I hate my love life.

More like “love” life. Not much went on there. It was like tumbleweeds rolling alone in a desert, just dry and boring. Well more like not anything good or healthy was there for me. Just really poor choices of options for a mate. Mainly my fault for allowing them to affect me. But what can I do?

 I’m your classic hopeless romantic. I love “love” itself, and most of all being loved. It was just rare for me to find it, well at least genuine love. If I cried for every bad thing, I would have died much sooner inside. I kept everything inside, never letting anything out. But why would I want others to know my pain, it’s not like they were there for me or could help me. I’m no longer in control of my own ship of life. The good and bad sides of me pilot it. Whoever wins will control the actions of my life for the rest of whatever amount of days I have left on this terrible world.

This story is a strange one. Almost like none other. I think all the hate I have for my life lead me to this. Things used to be so great but now they have stumbled and completely crashed to the extreme bottoms. The love of my life is dead. But not gone. She haunts me in everything I do. Most ghosts haunt the ones who did them wrong or the ones they loved and couldn’t move on from. I don’t think I did her wrong. My presentence did maybe shorten her life a little. The stresses of having to worry about me what would happen to me after she died weaken her heart. I regret being in her life because of that reason. Not that I didn’t love her, I could never question that.

She was my whole life. We didn’t have long together but our time was the best of my life. I never will find someone as special as her. Our love we shared will last forever in my mind. I really wish I could somehow have more time with her. Wish for the time to finally embrace her as much as I want. Wish for the time to feel the soft presence of her lips on mine. All I have left is your beauty and grace unscripted into my mind and memories. I need her. She represents my good side, the side that is trying to fight for my survival. The side that is losing the war.

      The irony of my life is so strong. I go to cut myself but the knives are too dull to make a cut.

Tomorrow will be better. I will put on a happy face for the world, awhile the inside dies.

 

The first day when my lovely ghost, Madison, came into my life, it was shocking. At first I was scared. I mean if a dead girl is following you around it’s takes a bit to feel good about it. Over time it was just a piece of my room. She just stood in the corner and would stare at me. Anytime I had people over she would disappear. Though one day after listening to our song, I began to cry. It was to my surprise that the ghost would come to me to comfort me. I felt her hand on my shoulder. I look at her. She stares into my eyes and says:

“I love you.”

I’m a loss at of words for a while till I manage to say:

“I love you too.”

I fall asleep.

I wake up in my dream world. I’m in a car. A black Ford Mustang, my dream car. I’m sitting in the driver seat. I can feel the leather seat on my body. The passenger side is empty for the most part, and the door is open. I see all of this at an angle. I slowly realize the car is hanging over an edge of a bridge. I start to focus more. I notice a hand is gripping on to the passenger seat. I lean over and look out the car. There she is, hanging on for dear life. I reach over and grab her free arm. She grabs my arm and holds tight. I try to pull her up her with all my strength, but I still struggle. She tries to mumbles, “Help”. The car rocks and I start to lose my grip. Her grip slowly loosens also; she tries to dig her nails in my arm to retain her grip. Her hand continues to slide down my arm. I try to ignore the pain coursing through my arm. Just then the car violently rocks forward, and starts to slide off the bridge. She looks up at me and stares deeply into my eyes. She smiles and says “I Love You”. She then releases my arm and free falls away. I start to yell then I wake up.

This time I woke up with large scratches on my arm. The dream couldn’t be real. I must have scratched myself in my sleep and didn’t realize it. I look up from my bed at Madison. She speaks:

“Sorry.”

I reply with, “It’s fine. I’m the one who should be sorry, I couldn’t save you.”

“Don’t be. You will never be able to. It’s not your fault.”

I just frown and try to go back to sleep.

Reviews

[Babieegirl]

wow, what a crazy beginning, i love it. hahaha

[guiltyascharged]

This was really good, I liked it.