Chapter Five: Red

Chapter Five

I wake up first in the dark closet. I check my watch, its 3:14 a.m. I slightly move Hannah to wake her up. She wakes up frighten. I place my hand on her face and she calms down. I struggle but I’m able to get up and open the door. I walk outside in the room. I motion Hannah to stay but she can’t see me, it’s too dark. I walk over to my bed; I know there is a flashlight under it. I turn it on, and point it towards the closet. I see Hannah. She is staring at me, with the fear of god in her. I look at here and ask her.

“What’s wrong?”

She simply points behind me. I’m afraid to turn. I know something must be there. I nod at Hannah. Not sure why I did but maybe to signal to her to stay. I just take off towards the door. I hear a large growl behind me as I’m running. I’m almost to the stairs when I feel it right behind me. I manage to make it down the stair but once I turn to the front door, it chases me. It slams me against the wall. I try to get up but it grabs me. It throws me towards the door and I crash through it. The force and power of this thing makes it seem like I’m a ragdoll. I try to get up but I’m dazed. I get up by the railing but I feel dizzy and confused. The bloody red sky hits my face and I try to run. I look down at the end of the street. I see five of those same demon-like creatures. I turn to look at my house and I see the creature from earlier in my doorway. It’s laughing at me. It’s just then when it hits me on what to do. I yell out to the creature and the ones down the street. I need to get their attention off my house, off Hannah. It works the creatures down the street turn and head towards me. I make my way to the forest. All five of them follow me. I barely make it to the forest line when they caught up to me. One of them hits me to the floor. Two others continuous punch me all over my body. Pain shoots through me in all directions. I can feel the blood leave my body. It seem like they have been hitting me forever. Then it stops.

I hear a voice.

“Get up.”

I struggle to move. Mainly because of the pain and partly because I don’t know who said those words.

“GET UP!”

I get up.

“Good boy.”

I stare into his beasty eyes. They are jet black. His whole body is basically a steroid red skinned baseball player. It smiles at me.

“Where is the girl?”

I don’t answer. He hits me, my blood lands all over the leaves. I decide to answer.

“She ran away. Probably at the church.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please don’t hurt her.”

I knew she wasn’t there, I knew her too well. She would have run to my basement. There was food and a gun there. She was smart and knew that place would be the best to survive it. The creature turns to me and speaks.

“If we find her, we will decide on what to do. For now, it’s time for you to shut up.”

He hits me and I go black.

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems will edit soon.

Reviews

[Bailey C. Writing]

I just typed out two grammar problems and then noticed your note to reviewers >.< Lol, had to backspace it.
I agree with Bellamorte, a little more descriptive detail would give more to the imagery and feeling of the chapter. Just more descriptive detail.
But it's a gripping story, I just kept reading and reading even though I was supposed to be doing chores xD I didn't want to stop. Good job

[Kathryn]

I was utterly gripped all the way through this! I love this story, great work :)

[Bellamorte]

I'd love to read more description about the demons. What do they look like?o they make a noise? What is the area they are left in like? It'd bulk the chapter up and make it a little more interesting.

This is good once again. If I may suggest, expand on the chase/fight scene a little. He grabbed you, what was it like? Ribs cracking, air pushed out at his vice like grip? something to put me there. Just a suggestion, I like the story very much.

[Balls:)]

derek this is crazy. :)

[torments_scribe]

It seems like it's evolving well. You have a steady train of thought and your visuals are quite good. I especially liked the line "His whole body is basically a steroid red skinned baseball player." (which would have read better with the required punctuation) Your description of the action was fast-paced and successfully carried off a sense of urgency. Just do a bit more editing before hand it will read a lot easier :)

[CharlesMonroe]

I like it :D those demon things sound scary. And I wanna hear more :D

[TJ]

"She wakes up frighten" should be "frightened."

oops sorry wrote that before I read your note. but yea there are same grammar/spelling problems that a good edit will fix but thats no big. I'd say this chapter should probably trimmed down and added to the last chapter.