Chapter Four:The end is coming?

Chapter Four: The end is coming?

I and Hannah are rudely awakened on this Saturday the 21^st morning. Hannah’s mom comes in and talks with us.

“You both need to go to church today and confess your sins so you can be raptured tonight.”

We both say, “Ok.”

We get up and get dressed in our nicest clothes. Hannah’s clothes are way nicer than mine because I’m limited to what I have. After we are finished getting ready we walk towards church. The whole town seems to be out today and watches us. We finally get there. We are about to head in when we get blocked from going in from my dad. He stops and says to me.

“You two aren’t allowed in.”

“But we are here to confess our sins.”

“You live with those sins, leave here.”

“No, we are here for confessional.”

Just then other church members come out and block the door. Hannah turns to me, scared. She mumbles some words to me.

“Let’s leave.”

So we turn and go. I can feel all the eyes of the church goers on me. I hate them. I hate being judged. I shouldn’t be judged for being in love.

We head back home. We know the time that everyone says judgment day is coming. 6 pm. We kind of don’t believe it will happen. It’s not like we don’t believe in god, because we both do. It’s just this wasn’t in the bible, it was purely a so called prophet’s views. Needless to say but the whole town believed it. They had been preparing for it for years and now it was only about five hours away.  I and Hannah pass the time watching television. We do this for like four hours. When 5 pm comes around, Hannah’s dad comes in and speaks to me.

“Hey John can you pick up some stuff for me at the mill?”

“Well don’t you think you won’t need that if you get raptured?”

“John, I have no clue if it’s going to happen.”

“Alright. I’ll go get the stuff.”

I get up and head to Hannah’s dad’s truck. I start it up and head to the mill. It’s a medium size drive. I finally get there and I start packing up supplies. It takes me about 57 minutes to do all of this. I read my watch 5:57. Three minutes till the end. Instead of heading back to the house, I sit down to enjoy a nice and cold cola. I am sitting there in a chair when it happens. Suddenly the sky turns super bright. I can barely see anything for a moment. I look up and see an opening in the sky. Bodies of people are rising from the ground. I sit there in total shock. It looks like ghosts to me. I’m scared. My mind is blank; I’m not sure what to do next. Finally my mind works and I know I need to head to check on Hannah. I drive super-fast going into the city. There is no one here. I do through the streets seeing no one, no lights; it’s just a ghost town. I arrive at the house and I rush in the door. I hear Hannah scream from up the stairs. I run up the stairs and go into her hallway. Standing and scratching at the door is the weird thing I have ever seen. Standing extremely tall with the reddish skin is a creature of some kind. It sees me and it stares at me. It runs at me and tackles me into the wall. Hannah hears the commotion and reaches for her bat. I yell out to her to stay inside the room. She doesn’t follow my words and comes out. She runs up swings the bat at the creature. It falls to the floor. I get up fast and head to her. I grab her hand and we head downstairs. We outside and head to the truck. Suddenly the sky turns to a bloody red. We head to my parent’s house. We search the place and it’s empty. We go upstairs and into my room. We sit there and rest for a bit. We hear noises downstairs. I go downstairs to see what is down there. I look in the kitchen and I see one of those creatures again. Still all red with horns and filled with muscles. I’m almost sure it’s a demon. I silently go back upstairs. I pull Hannah off the bed and into the closet. We hid in there. After hours, we fall asleep.

Reviews

[Megan]

I like what happened in the story, the creativity of it. It was unexpected. i especially like how John and Hannah think have doubts about it happening, and then it happens. It's like a twist that was unexpected.

[Bailey C. Writing]

-shakes head- Are you allowed to kick people out of church if you aren't the priest?..
Lol, I'm just lame.
Okay, but anyways. The action at the end was very interesting, I kept wanting to read. I think the creatures may have been able to be described more, make us see what you see.
But the chapter is still good, the story is still good, continuing on :)

This is good. Not as driving as some of the other chapters but definitely a good setup. Would be cool if the creatures had some remnants from the church people. Like mr. smiths leg or something.

[torments_scribe]

It falls apart for me here a little bit. I think the scene at the church was powerful, but could have used a bit more attention. And if John is secretly worried about the rapture it seems odd to me that he would calmly watch TV or kill time drinking soda at the mill when he's considering the possibility that the end could be nigh. I agree that the rapture goes a bit fast. John seems to accept and understand too quickly about what is going on, and it was hard for me to swallow that a demon of Hell could be subdued by a baseball bat. I think you've got a great idea here, but might need a bit more work on really flushing out the characters and the emotional journey this would cause them to take. The religious aspects of it though are fascinating. Everyone has their own view of things and I applaud you for having the courage to explore yours. I'll definitely check back to see what you do in the next chapter. :)

[Krystal Nicole]

Hmm... Youve got me HOOKED. I love apocolypse type books. Cant wait to read more!Let me know when the new chapt is up!

[Melissa]

Ohhh mysterious creature...love the part when the sky turns red

[Kathryn]

Ooh! This is great, I can't wait for the next chapter! well done :)

[clairvoyantmars]

oh, my, such a harsh reality..

[TJ]

"I and Hannah..." should be Hannah and I.

God should be capitalized in this context.

I think you went through the rapture way too fast. Slow down and really explain what's happening and what John is thinking. Same thing at the church scene

[Balls:)]

oh my frikin goodness.