Chapter Three:The calm before the storm

Chapter Three: The calm before the storm

Our town was just like the mine and Hannah’s parent’s parent, super religious and super strict with sins. Our town was one of the holiest places ever. It was hard to avoid the church and its members. The town was small, maybe like population of 100. And I think like 99 people belonged to the church, which included me and Hannah. The worst part was that in a small town like this, word traveled fast. I and Hannah got harassed at on that Thursday the 19^th. We were called sinners, demons, harlots, and w****s. It took a bigger toll on Hannah. That night she cried for hours in my arms. She always wanted people to like her. She was the most popular girl in school before this. There wasn’t a soul in that school who didn’t like her. Especially the guys. Every guy in the school wanted to make her their wife. I feel I’m lucky that I somehow got her. We were always friends, but I never knew what made her want more. It just happened one day. I was walking her home, and she turned to me and kissed me. She said she had wanted to do that since she had meant me. So since that day we have been together. One year after tomorrow.

After the Thursday of being harassed, I and Hannah, decide to not go to school Friday. We ditched school and walked around town. We head for a little hiding place of ours. It’s deep inside the forest where no one else knows about. We walk through the great green forest.  We arrive at our place. A nice flat rock where we could lay down together and relax. We sit there at the edge of the rock for a while. We stare out at the beautiful greenery. She turns to me and kisses me. Then goes to speak but stops. I notice and ask her.

“Whats wrong?”

“John, I lied.”

“What about?”

“You were my first. I lied about the other guy.”

“Why?”

“I thought you wouldn’t want to be with me if I didn’t have experience.”

“I want to be with you because I love you. Nothing else matters.”

I stare into her eyes and go to hold her hand. She stops me and pushes me down to the ground. She gets off the rock and lays on me. Then we re sin all over again.

After we finish, we head back to her house. We walk into town.  Hannah notices a new hardware store billboard. I notice a new one too near the church. It reads:

“May 21^st. Jesus Christ will return.”

I laugh a little on the inside and when I point it out to Hannah, she giggles a little. Who would think we should have been serious?

Reviews

[Bailey C. Writing]

I see the same grammar and typo issues.
But you still have a nice story going on here, I'm going to keep reading it because I'm intrigued about what's going to happen :3 I think if they love each other, they're justified in what they did :P I'm not super religious lol

[Bellamorte]

'She said she had wanted to do that since she had meant me.'
I think you mean 'since she had met me'
I think you could add a little more narrative here and there. Your chapters are fairly short, and I think you could improve them with description. What do the characters look like? Where is this 'flat rock'?

[torments_scribe]

There are quite a few grammatical errors that make it a bit confusing to read at times. I know it can be hard to catch in proofreading because you know what it's supposed to say. Sometimes reading aloud can really help. Just take a few minutes to double-check so it's easier on the reader. I also think it might have been a little better to have the town's description near the beginning of the book to help a bit with the orientation. In the beginning I thought it was just their parents that were strict in regards to their religious views, but now I find out it's the whole town. Knowing ahead of time would have made what John and Hannah did even more powerful to me. Defying one's parents is one thing, but a whole society...that's much stronger. But that's just me :)

[Krystal Nicole]

Great chapter!! Reading the other one now!!

[Melissa]

I liked it alot im going to read the next chapter:)

[Kathryn]

There were a few grammar errors, but this is wonderful! I will be reading your other work whenever I have time :) great job, well done :)

[Balls:)]

derek this is great. lol great :)

[TJ]

"Our town was just like the mine and Hannah’s parent’s parent, super religious and super strict with sins" this sentence is super awkward, i really don't even know what it's trying to say.

"After the Thursday of being harassed, I and Hannah..." this should be "hannah and I" or "me and hannah" I and hannah just sounds weird

"She said she had wanted to do that since she had meant me" met me, just a minor typo.

i think this is a really good chapter, it continues to flesh out the relationship between Hannah and John for the reader. it's good for us to see them now while everything is fine so when things go to s**t we can compare the two situations. i think the foreshadowing is a bit heavy.it is painfully obvious what's going to happen but who knows that may work for the story. we won't know until we see more!