Chapter One: Alone

I’m standing here alone. I’m at the deadly breaking point of my complicated life. How can I feel this messed up in the mind? Is there really anything I can ever do to feel better?

Well, I really don’t have the answers to anything in my life. And I never will find them soon enough for my own sake. Maybe that’s why I’m here standing on the ledge of a bridge, looking down at the cold harsh raging water underneath it. The water looks so beautiful tonight. The dark waves crashing against the legs of the giant stone bridge, making amazing booming sounds. The bright white moon is bouncing off the black water. The glimmer that is reflected off from the full moon is unbelievably stunning. It’s just an overall blissful moment for me. For a few minutes there, I almost feel a sense of hope. I’m almost feeling calm. But suddenly the beautiful fantasy crashes back into my horrible reality and it all comes back clear to me. The harsh b***h of reality that always seemed to stare me down. I’m just tired, tired because of no sleep, and tired of everything in my life.

I step closer to the edge of the brown stone ledge of the bridge. I stand there for a few moments. I just stare. Not sure what I’m looking at, but just standing there staring. It is nearly relaxing. I decide to sit on the ledge. My body feels so weak. My mind feels the worst out of the bunch. I think about my whole terrible life. Even from the very start of it, it has been dreadful and it only went downhill after that. I especially run the course of events of what happened today in my mind. It amazes me how things can go to s**t so fast. Before I really can dissect what happened, someone places their hand on my shoulder. I turn to see who it is. There she is the one who has been causing me problems lately. The one person who is pushing me to change myself and change the way I think about the world. The one person who has caused me to be where I am at the moment on this dreadful bridge. She has caused me to lose all hope in every people because of her actions against me. We stare at each other for a few moments. No one speaks. Face to face. Eye to eye. Is she really the only one who can save me from killing myself?

Reviews

[Weaver]

"Well, I really don't have the answers" - comma after "Well"
"The glimmer that is put off from the moon" - awkward - try deleting "that is"
comma after "horrible reality"
"step onto the ledge of the bridge" - small change, but maybe you should change "by the edge of a bridge" earlier to "ledge" too.
"the course of events of what happened today in my mind" - awkward/wordy - try "the course of events today"
comma after "There she is"
"has been causing me problems" - seems too weak for the emotions of the scene

Very atmospheric without going too far into melodrama and angst. As an opening for a longer story, it works well - gives just enough hints to make the reader curious, and sets the tone for the rest.

[Ice Girl]

Beautifully sad... :)

[Miss World]

Wow. This was a great start. I'm really interested in this book...

[Ashley]

I love this saddness in the story. Great imagery thus far. Tired of everything in my life, sounds like something i say. Greatt job furrr showww!!!
100

[Dearantlers]

i really enjoyed reading this. Good job!

[Bellamorte]

I like this. Its dark and full of imagery. Also, I like how you mention another person at the end because now I want to know who it is and what shes done.

[Balls:)]

:) need i take up this whole page in my prasie?

[Lily Mae]

A very deep and raw start.. I love it.. x

[A.E. Surdam]

Wow, so intense, so deep. I have enjoyed reading this. Great imagery. And yet it is so sad and beautiful at the same time.