Chapter Five

Chapter 5: Origin of the woman
The woman’s origin starts off with tragedy. Her mother passed away giving birth to her. So from that point after, she survived by the help of her father and 3 older brothers. Surviving in a house of all guys was very difficult as many girls can imagine, but she endured by learning to love sports and even playing basketball. She like most girls had a super close best friend that she shared her whole life with. She knew each other since they were five. School and sports came easy for her. Throughout her life, she avoided stressful situations and lived everyday to the fullest. It all changed one day, a day that would become one of her darkest days. Where at a party, young in her life, a horrible monster of a man, forced himself on her. This single event took the woman’s innocence; she never felt safe for a long time and never could forgive herself for being in that position. She believed because she went to an all girls school and wasn’t forced to go to a party full of guys, it was her fault. A few years later, she had her first boyfriend. He was your normal smooth jock. The relationship didn’t last too long cause the jock tried to control the woman. The woman wouldn’t ever let anyone control her; she did love to be taken care of to a certain level. Her next boyfriend, who later became a marine, was her first love. They had a fairly long and stable relationship. They were captains of each gender’s basketball teams, one of those high school perfect matches. They first made love after a basketball tournament in a hotel room with thin walls, where unknowing to them at the time, the coach’s room was next door. He heard the whole thing. Even worse, the coach was the woman’s father, so you can imagine the next morning breakfast was awkward. But all things came to a breaking point or key event in the relationship, when the marine proposed to the woman before he was going to leave for Iraq. The woman was very unsure about this. She wanted to live an uncommitted life, so she declined. She still cared about the marine and sent him letters, kind of like a Dear John type of thing but never wanted them to be back together one day. She always wanted to settle down one day because she always really wanted to be a mom. So next she went off to college to kind of escape her family and some friends, so she could make new independent memories. So she moved to the big city to start that life.
The lighter side of the woman’s story was her luck of always being caught naked. Doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me. I’m not saying she is a w***e; she wasn’t caught naked with other guys, but mainly caught on accident. Like someone opening the wrong door or someone coming home early. And even in one case, her shirt just fell apart and revealed one of her greatest assets. Even for her senior prank, her and some other girls went streaking at the all boys’ school next door, where her jock ex-boyfriend and her current at the time marine boyfriend were enrolled at. Let’s just say she was very popular with all those guys, her brother’s friends, and anyone else who saw them which was a lot of people. Before you think her life was pretty good and stable, the woman had a deep secret she kept inside and almost no one knew about. I won’t foreshadow what it is, but don’t worry all will be revealed in time. I won’t leave you hanging with questions like the show LOST did. O they are all dead, wow that doesn’t tell me s**t about the island, thanks a******s.

Reviews

[Reaper]

Thats a really weird life to have. Poor girl.

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

A couple of the other reviewers basically said what I was going to...this is a lot of telling, not much showing. While you do keep the tale amusing, this isn't the best way to make the reader care about the character. This seems more like information that you keep to yourself and gradually sprinkle throughout the story. Also, in the first line, I don't think 'origin' is the word you want; maybe 'tale' or 'story.' The origin IS the beginning, so it doesn't make sense (at least to me) to say that the origin 'starts off.'

[Bailey C. Writing]

I'm going to predict that she was pregnant maybe? Or ...gosh I don't know :o
Yes, LOST did leave too many questions >.< LOL

[Bellamorte]

I love your humour in this. Especialy the LOST comment

[Tellie Allen]

i really enjoy reading this book. :D your really talented

[0_o Abbie]

Why'd u send me a read request for this? I already read it. ;D

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Some good advice here from other writers.......I would definitely take into account. You have a good outline going here

[Maggie]

Don't tell, show. Use action to explain your story. You have good ideas, good thoughts, but it would be better if you wrote about what happened rather than writing it as if you were explaining it all to a friend. Practice action.

[Just Me]

That was really good. I love how you refer to the woman as "the woman". It was really good.

[Ashley]

aside from the grammatical issues, it's a quite detailed account. and there are some humorous moments indeed. it reads as more of an outline than a chapter though.