Little Man

Some people we never forget...nor should we...

Little Man

My mother was a nurse
She worked nights
always made me breakfast
wearing her "whites"
I loved her smell...
a blend of surgical tape
antiseptic 
and chocolate chip cookies

I loved her hands
strong, wide, working hands
not baby soft...but smooth
never painted
self-manicured
No delicate showpiece...she
I'm built like her...
strong...solis
as a brick shithouse
I smile like her
unrestrained
from ear to ear
I weep like her
restrained
as if one tear will show
all my weakness
I'm crying now
despite all my efforts not to
Tears run down my face
make saline polke dots
on her hospital gown
I hold her hand
it's like holding my own
only smaller
they've never seemed this frail...
never motionless in my hand
She's leaving me
her hand is on the door
Why does everyone leave?

My father left
He broke her heart
broke her...period
It's not easy to stand tall
when you've been thrown away
like refuse...
replaced by a newer model...
one without six children's worth
of stretch marks
I was 13 when he left us
Mom, me, and siblings 7, 4, and 2
I overheard him say 
"Claire..."
(Oh, how I love her name)
"I don't love you any more!"
I opened and read the letter
she couldn't open and read...
a lawyer letter from
Dewey Screwum and Howe 
it read...
"Dear Mrs. B:
This letter is to inform you
That you have just been f**ked!
( I paraphrase)
Her lip trembled
trying her best to be strong
I held her...her tears flowed
the first of my many shirts
getting a salt water washing
The first time to 
console her
Not sure how hard to hold
Not sure what to do...really
pat her?...pet her?
Not sure what to say
so I said nothing
and soaked up her tears
Her life changed that day
So did mine
I took the first steps
toward being a man...
her little man

That journey done...
the years have passed
I have a family of my own
I wait and weep in hospice here
Sit vigil in her final hour
With all my siblings...save one
And he who walked away
(their armistice was bittersweet...
more bitter than sweet)
I hold her hand as she
opens the door to go...
take the first steps
on her journey to
what comes next
I'm conficted...
feel remorse...resigned...relieved
I know she'll be happy
Where she goes   
I feel her squeeze my hand
I tell her... "Mom...it's OK
it's OK to leave..."
and...without a blink of her eyes...
she does... 
I hear her last breath...
I really hear the absence
of her next
I swear I feel her slip away
I hug her
kiss her "Goodbye"
She smells of surgical tape,
antiseptic
and chocolate chip cookies...
 

Reviews

[JENY]

Thanks for sharing a page you’re your life….
Realities….
Packed in your lines in a touching manner…..
A very good poem..…

[Cherrie]

that is just wonderful, heartfelt, peaceful and just plain old perfect.

[Tate Morgan]

tearsb always produce prolific enlightenened works

[emmajoy]

Long pause, must gather my thoughts and feelings together. Took a good minute, my fingers are trembling.

This is heartbreakingly wonderfully sadly written. You've told a story - true or not, that will wake a million memories in your readers, believe me they have woken a few in me - silence of that. The words re father and the ensuing goings on, terrible; mother's lingering death and your letting her slip away, still with the same physical aura, ' hug her ~ kiss her "Goodbye" ~ She smells of surgical tape, ~ antiseptic ~ and chocolate chip cookies... ' How emotional is that .. i know.

Beautiful, sensitive, stark. I want to hug your words.